The Middle

Out here in the middle, Halloween's huge...

The trick-or-treating, the costumes...

But our favorite thing is the night we all get together as a family

to carve pumpkins.

Why am I the only one carving a pumpkin?

Why do we even do this anymore if they don't appreciate it?

Same reason we keep feeding 'em. Habit.

- I'm ready to carve. - There ya go.

- At least somebody's in the... - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Okay! Why don't we trade?

You hold the marker,

And I'll take the giant knife.

Oh, Mike, I forgot to tell ya, I met the Norwoods,

The new neighbors down the block. They invited us to drop by this weekend.

What for? They don't even know us.

Well, it's not just us. I guess some other people are gonna be there.

What, like a party?

Uh, I don't know. It's a get-together.

- Some people might call it a party. - So what day is this party?

- I think it's Sunday? - So it's a Halloween party.

- Yeah, I guess it is. - Yeah. I'm not dressing up.

Mike, come on! We never get invited

to Halloween parties anymore. It'll be fun.

It's ridiculous. A bunch of grown-ups running around

telling each other how cute they are.

Costumes on kids are cute.

Costumes on adults are sad and a little creepy.

Okay. I'm ready to carve.

Ha ha! The junior high got permission

to move the Halloween dance to night time!

Sorry, Brick. Guess you're on your own this year.

Yes! Finally.

For years, Sue had dragged poor Brick around

as part of her Halloween costume.

Trick or treat! Trick or treat.

Trick or treat. Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat.

Well, excuse me for wanting your childhood to be fun.

Unlike Axl ever did for me.

Ohh, if I could only go back in time

and right all the wrongs I've ever done to you!

Well, what are your big Halloween plans?

I bet they're not better than going to a dance... At night.

F.Y. your information, we're going to

a totally rockin' haunted house that Darrin heard about.

It's run by people who work in a morgue, so there's real blood and actual body parts.

They don't tweet us the address till Halloween night,

'cause they have to move it every year,

the cops'll show up and shut it down.

Seriously! It's illegally gross.

That does sound rockin',

But who's gonna take Brick trick-or-treating now that

Dad and I have a very fun, keep your mind open, costume party to go to?

- Just think about it. - Yeah, I guess I could bring him if you want.

- You like severed fingers? - Who doesn't?

You don't. Okay. Dad I will take you trick-or-treating

before we go to the party. I'll get the aunts to come over

And hand out candy. They're old. They like kids again.

Sue, guess what? I have a date for the Halloween dance.

What? I didn't know it was a date dance.

Yeah. Now that it's at night, everyone's going as couples. Oh.

But wait. Here's the best part.

Natalie heard from Brian who heard from Stacey

that Wylie Janousek likes you.

Really? Wylie Janousek?

Yep, and he's gonna ask you to the dance,

and you're gonna get your first kiss,

and it will be so romantic! oh, my God! Aah!

Wait. Who's Wylie Janousek again?

It doesn't matter. Aah!

Hey there. I picked you up a little somethin' at the mall.

Oh, yeah?

Hmm.

Interesting choice.

Not sure if it's my color...

And I already have so many fringy vests.

No.

Oh.

Come on! You'll make such a cute hippie.

Wait. Does it make any sense when you see it next to this?

Fine. You don't want to be hippies.

I'll take it back and get us something else.

Who do you want to be?

I want to be Mike.

- How about Bonnie and Clyde? - Or Bonnie and Mike.

Oh. Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein.

Or Mike and bride of Mike.

You know, you're gonna be pretty embarrassed

when you're the only one not dressed up.

- No, I don't think I will. - Oh, fine.

Wear the same two boring plaid shirts until you die.

That's the plan.

Sue, uh, hi.

Hi, Wylie.

Yeah. Listen. I don't know if you've heard anything,

but people have been saying that, you know, I like you.

Oh? I hadn't heard anything.

Well, it's just sorta out there, and I just, you know,

I want you to know... I don't.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Thank you for clearing that up,

even though I hadn't heard it.

You can't ever have too much information.

Thank you.

Thank you so much!

You know that bus crash yesterday on the interstate?

I heard they got there before the paramedics

and swiped a couple of the bodies.

I heard no one's ever gotten through without barfing.

Mrs. Heck, nice to see you.

I told Michelle from algebra

about how gnarly it's gonna be, and she wants to come.

Best part...she'll bring some of her hottie friends.

Wait. Do we really want chicks there? They'll get all scared.

Dude, think about it. Girls get scared,

throw up all over the place, look to us for comfort. Boom!

- We're making out with 'em. - Oh. Sweet!

Kissing's gross enough,

but wouldn't it be worse after the girl just threw up?

Your brother prefers to learn his lessons the hard way.

Well, change of plans.

Sue Heck won't be attending Hallowing dance this year.

- Why? What happened? - Funny story...

Every one decided to go with dates,

which I think it's... Fantastic.

Even better, there is this boy who I heard likes me.

But he came to my locker just to tell me that he doesn't like me.

Isn't that hilarious?

I didn't really want to go, anyway.

I'll just stay home and end up having candy with the aunts.

Yeah, three single ladies, drowning our sorrows in candy.

Oh, honey.

Well, unless Brick wants to go trick or treating with me...

Hey, you know, there is always the church team group.

I think there are doing a Hallowing hayride this year.

- Oh yeah? - Whenever there is a exiting event for kids,

The church always offers an... "alternative."

Three... Two... One...

Happy new year.

A holy hayride. That could be really fun.

The new year's thing was... Fun, so... Okay.

Thank you.

So Halloween finally arrived.

Sue was off to the hayride, Axel was off to his body parts,

and the aunts were prepped and ready.

Okay. One piece of candy per kid.

Watch out for grabbers and repeaters, and I shouldn't have to say this,

but if you run out of candy,

you can't go giving out cigarettes and pills.

We've been giving out candy for years.

We'll be fine.

Hey, baby. Power to the people.

Ooh. Who's the square in the plaid shirt?

Oh, right. It's that costume that always sells out first every year... Mike.

- Hey, Brick, let's go. - I'm ready.

Wow, look at you...

All... Wearing a skirt and everything.

Who you supposed to be?

He's Shirley temple.

You don't recognize me? From history?

Okay. I'll give you a hint.

I died from bayonet wounds in the great war.

I'm sergeant Charles Mackenzie,

The Scottish world war I hero.

Look, I don't expect a lot of adults to get it.

I don't think a lot of kids are gonna get it either.

Hey. I thought you were gonna get a date for me.

Are we picking her up later?

Oh. Yeah. Uh... Do you have a date for my friend?

No. Sorry, dude. I tried.

Are you sure this is where the directions said to go?

The tweet said to turn left onto the dirt road

after the seventh barn.

But we passed, like, 100 barns.

Well, maybe if you were a better barn counter, we wouldn't be lost right now.

Trick or treat!

Oh, look. A princess and a ghost and a...

Catholic school girl.

I am sergeant Charles Stuart Mackenzie.

I died in France.

Bayonet injury...

Is none of this ringing a bell?

Brick, just get the candy and move on! They're not gonna get it!

You couldn't talk him into superman or something?

Clearly I'm not good at talking anybody into doing anything

they don't want to do. Not when they don't want to look stupid.

'Ello, 'ello, blokes.

- Anybody call for a chimney sweep? - Jeez

Hi, bob! You look so cute.

You look so cute! Oh.

So you couldn't talk crabby pants into the vest, huh?

Bob, aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?

Oh, it's not for me.

I just donate all the candy to the sick kids in the hospital.

Mm-hmm. Ohh. You got a little chocolate on your face there.

Oh! Hey, listen, big man. I just shotgunned three pixy stix.

You do not wanna mess with me!

See? Even Bob dressed up.

I wouldn't count on winning any argument that starts with "Even Bob."

You know, I just don't get you sometimes.