Hostel Daze

When are you throwing a party to celebrate your internship?

- Didn't get the PPO bro. - Oh!

All set?

Did you talk to your mother?

Are your rooms set?

Are you done with your food?

Shall we begin with the interaction then?

Come on, let's begin.

My name is Rupesh Bhatia. My roll number is 170037.

I have been selected for the 4 year undergraduate

program of Mechanical Engineering.

My hobbies are exercising, reacquiring illegally possessed plots...

...and finding a nice bull to mate with my cow.

- All hail Hostel number 3! - Hail!

The boy had shaped up pretty well in just 3 days.

Great.

You have a bright future.

He'll be our first contender in our "Hostel Abuse Tournament".

Mota Bheem.

How many abuses can you hurl in a single breath?

Sir, I have asthma.

I'm not well versed with the cuss words.

I'll participate in some other activity.

Have you come to a fucking summer camp. You asshole!

Is this 'The Neelam show?'

We need to get rid of the coyness inside you.

Listen, you have to invent 10 cuss words overnight and learn them by-heart.

I am going to test you on that.

Yeah... and we'll also show him, two girls, one cup.

On the Oculus.

Him? He will start crying.

- This entire batch is useless. - No sir.

We have three girls Mechanical this year.

- Three? - Yes.

You have the list?

I do. But haven't shortlisted yet.

- We'll do it together. - Yes.

Come.

I will go keep my stuff in the cupboard first.

Because if Reddy gets to the cupboard first...

Get lost.

Thanks for understanding.

Reddy's train is delayed. He's arriving in the evening.

Meet me at the canteen once you are settled.

Mr. Jatin. Correction... Correction.

Jhantoo Ji, if you don't mind, may I ask you a question?

- 8 inches, without pills. - What?

No, I mean how could you rag...

Correction..Correction. Intro.

I mean how can you take our intro...?

...because you're a fresher too.

Who are you calling a fresher, asshole?

I've been chilling in these corridors even before the first landing on mars...

...and Ranveer started going around with Deepika.

Understand? Ask him.

Tell him.

Brother Jhantoo sat for his first entrance test in 2014 with his friends.

His friends cracked the entrance, but Jhantoo became a part of the college.

Not as a student, but a squatter in the hostel.

And thanks to the money earned...

...by selling booze, smokes, friends' mess cards,...

... seven 7 fake ID cards and staying in this hostel all the while...

...he cracked this entrance exam in just four years.

And by achieving this feat he has made our village Jhabua proud...

...and also became an inspiration for many youngsters.

19576, Agricultural Engineering.

My name is Jatin, but people call me Jhantoo out of respect.

Jhantoo, you motherfucker! where the hell are you?

Coming.

Respect.

How dare he call me Mota Bheem.

Bloody Teletubby. Now you wait and watch.

Hey, Jaat.

When the Dean asks who ragged you, then what am I going to say?

I don't even remember their names.

But don't worry, it won't get to that.

Of course, it will.

Just wait, Dean will take strict action...

...as soon as he finds out about the complaint.

He clearly mentioned during the orientation that we were like his own kids.

After giving birth to a child, even the doctor smacks them on their ass.

Nobody's life begins without crying.

You're a fool, if you think ragging is cool.

Didn't you see the poster?

You are scared because of these posters.

What did they exactly do to you?

They only made you say asshole and faggot.

At the most, they will make you utter bastard or dickhead.

Jaat, please don't use bad words.

Alright. if I say it, those become bad words.

And when Virat Kohli abuses on the pitch...

...then he's cool, aggressive and passionate.

Son, the problem is not with the words, it's the thought behind it.

Tell me something.

What does your mother wear under her petticoat?

Rupesh. How dare you talk about...

Slippers. She wears slippers.

Don't start picturising things immediately.

Just say it. Don't think too hard.

Bro, frankly speaking, I can tolerate

the intro, phantom and the abuses,

but I really hope they don't make me strip.

Once we went to a water park for our school picnic.

I got over-enthusiastic and took my t-shirt off.

Since then I've been teased by everyone. They call me Mother Dairy.

Even flat-chested girls.

What's the harm in taking your clothes off?

You'll not be the only one without his clothes off.

But stop acting like a cry baby all the time.

You'll attract undue attention from the seniors without a reason.

If you stay with the pack, then you'll be safe.

Bravo.

And on this note, here you go.

I've written down 15 bad words for you.

- Choose any 10. - Thank you.

Sis...

Mother...

Grandmother...

Yuck! Who the hell does that to women?

Huh, Amateurs!...

Happens every time.

Every year at least over a million sit for engineering entrance exam.

But the competition is so tough...

...that only 30,000-40,000 students don't pass the test.

And the rest get into engineering.

There are plenty of engineering colleges.

And going with this heard mentality...

...my son had planned to sit for the entrance.

And then I tried to explain this to..

..my son, Piyush. If you think that after coming here...

...you'll become like 'Rancho' from '3 Idiots'.

You'll score a perfect 10 in end semesters.

Or might even become an entrepreneur.

But that's not the truth.

Once you get here you'll spend your days...

...watching porn, GPL, hitting on girls and cheating in exams.

If you're gonna end up following your passion after B. Tech.,

then start smoking pot and buy a DSLR camera.

I couldn't explain him beyond that,

because he agreed at once.

Now my Piyush is a janitor by the day in hostel 2

and makes youtube reaction videos at night.

But not every student is a visionary like my son.

His seat won't go to waste,

someone will be allotted his seat...

The new scapegoat.

Open the door, now it's your turn.

Let's go in a group. Only the tiger walks alone.

It's not a senior.

Seniors don't knock. They just barge in.

Open the door.

Let's go together, please.

Hello, guys.

- This is the D top Wing, right? - Yes.

Hi, Ankit Pandey. Civil. 5502.

Why should I?

5500 bucks just for the name?

What's so special about your name?

- No, that's my rank. 5502. - Oh, right.

I'm Rupesh Bhati. Mechanical. 1537007

But these many didn't even appear for the Mains.

That's not my rank.

That's the amount paid by my father for my selection, with GST.

- Hi. - Hi.

I am Chirag Bansal. Computer Science.

Civil is great.

I desperately wanted to choose Civil, but my father...

But then everyone knows about Civil.

What about it?

The students who opt for civil in this college never get a job.

And which understanding father will ever push his dear son...

...in the dark depths of unemployment.

Uncle was absolutely right.

No, but it's clearly mentioned in the prospectus that...

They write utter nonsense in the prospectus.

They even have pictures of girls and boys together.

But did you see a single chick on your way here?

Don't worry about the branch.

- You can change it. - How's that even possible?

You need to be amongst the top 1% for that.

Top 1%?

- You don't even know that? - How could he know?

Poor guy missed his orientation.

Don't worry, I've made notes of the entire orientation.

Go settle your luggage, and I'll tell you more about it.

- Keep it where? - In your room.

This boy is very slow.

Son. You should stay in Civil.

But I've been allotted this room.

But we're already staying here.

'I'm on my way'

'Yes I'm on my way'

Ma'am, I never said that your son is lying.

When did I say that?

But Shubham and Nitesh are sincere students.

They stay away from ragging and such activities.

Look, if his classmates call him "Dhilu-Dhilu" then that's not ragging.

What can I do about it?

I don't know. I thought that's what they call him all the time.

I see...