Gap Year

So you guys didn't know each other from before this?

My mum wouldn't let me go on my own.

Things with me and Norm, they're really good. It's over, Dylan.

There is a girl I kind of like in Hangzhou.

Listen, Dylan. If we're going to do this,

I think we should keep it to ourselves. OK. OK.

Being cheated on is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.

Without that, I wouldn't be back in Asia tearing Asia another new one!

I'm breaking the cycle of dependency right now.

Fine, don't pay that, Mum. We can look after ourselves.

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

On my way, yeah

And I'll be late

I will be late

I got time to kill

I will be free

I will be free.

Daddy's home.

What, you've been here as well?

Just a bit, Sean.

Ko Pha Ngan, 1998.

The best time of my genuinely life.

I'm talking white sands, I'm talking bronzed bikini bods,

glow sticks at dawn.

Amphetamines in your rum, wildebeest.

Amphetamines in your rum.

And by a stroke of a very good fortune, guess what tonight is!

Yes, you guessed it.

It's the Full Moon Party! No way.

Yes, Sean, mate.

Isn't that where people have orgies and gets shot, and stuff?

Yes, exactly. It's mental. I cannot wait.

I could really use a break from my novel.

You've written three pages.

Yeah, on a laptop, but that's at least ten on a Kindle.

Wow! I think I've earned the right to just kick back, relax

and abuse some substances.

Yes, Dale. I'm not sure that's going to fly with me.

What? Why not?

I'm only saying as a uptight controlling person...

That's offensive. I figured that you would be more into seeing temples

than popping pills. Yeah, well, you're wrong.

OK. Because now that my psycho mom

is not paying for this trip any more,

I'm off the leash.

I can do all the stuff that I know she's going to hate.

Amen to that because we are here strictly to have fun

and that means that no-one, and I repeat that,

no-one, is going to visit anything of interest or culture,

especially not temples. No, fuck temples.

Yeah, fuck temples. Yeah, temples can suck my...

You all right, mate?

Shit!

I think they've lost my case.

Hey! I'm in love

My fingers keep on clicking to the beating of my heart

Hey, it's cos of you

The world is in a crazy, hazy hue.

My heart is beating like a jungle drum

Ba da dunka dunk a dunk a dunk

My heart is beating like a jungle drum

Ra ka tukka ta kunk rakka tunk tunk.

The case had to go, Sean.

It's called backpacking, not suitcasing.

We're in Thailand now, baby.

You've got to embrace the travelling vibe.

If you see a cafe called Anurak, give me a yell.

Yeah. And shout if you see a drug dealer.

Seriously, mate, if you want to borrow some clothes, that's fine.

It's just I don't think football kits are very travellery, you know.

Yeah, well, this one is, mate. This is the away kit.

Of course, some of the cops actually deal drugs.

Best not to ask them direct.

Yeah, you think? Given though they have the death penalty here?

No, they don't, May.

It's just the old hands. What?

Just the old hands.

May, May, if you're not into it, you know

don't do it. No.

I am into it. I just don't want to get executed

or buy nasty cheap stuff

made out of fertiliser and light bulbs, you know. Mm-hmm.

I want to get the pure shit.

Don't worry, I'll do a taste test of whatever you buy.

OK, but you do have to buy your own, Ashley, you know.

This is my money I'm spending now, so you have to spend yours too.

Yeah. Yeah, you said that...

many times. Yeah, well, I want a pint and a Big Mac.

Yeah. I want that. Classy! Classy, Sean.

I tell you what you're eating, mate. Come here.

So I think I might tell Sean that I'm going to get my own beach hut whilst we're here.

OK. If you want to crash, just...

We'll save some money.

Right. And you're just strictly thinking

about frugality here, right?

Well, I thought maybe we could replay

some of the events in Vietnam.

The sex bits, not the war bits, obviously.

Well, when you put it like that...

Yes!

Greg, you, my friend

are a genius. Oh, my God.

Maybe. That's what I'm talking about.

Let's have a look. Yeah.

Come on, Dyl.

May, let's go.

Grub's up, Mavis. Thank you.

Ooh, that looks good.

We're booked in, banana boat, two o'clock.

Oh, wicked. Oh, sorry, mate.

It's just me and Ashley, actually. We took the last two slots.

Aw. Well, why don't you do one later on with Greg?

No, I've got to let this go down first. How's yours, May?

Yeah, I mean, the shrimp's a little see-through but it's OK.

You see, that is not a patch on Anurak's.

Anurak does hands down...

the best beef pad thai you will ever taste.

Plus he's a goddamn legend.

If I don't nip in there and see him, he'll be gutted.

Why? Is he a friend?

Yeah, he's a friend.

Not top five, but...

You know what he used to call me? What?

Mr Friend. There we are.

Whoa! Greg, you were kind of hot! Yeah, Greg.

I'd have straight up jumped you 20 years ago. Why not? Why not?

I've not changed though, have I, Dylan? No, you have.

No, let him answer. You have massively, mate.

Can you do my back, Dylan? Yes.

I haven't changed.

God, I love this place.

I might even get myself a pre-banana boat pina colada, actually.

Oh, that's so good.

Hey, Dylan. Arg!

Lauren.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Well, how did you find me?

You can always find someone if you really have to.

Yeah, but Facebook, right? Yeah. And what about Norm?

It's over. I ended it.

I'm an idiot, OK?

An idiot.

You and I, well... Look, Lauren. No, no. Please.

You were my home.

I lived in you.

I wanted for naught,

but then you left.

You made me homeless court.

And I've tried to forget you, and yet...

and yet you...

Overwhelm the face of every girl I've ever met.

Wow! You learnt it!

You're just so talented, Dilly.

Look, I've read your poem over and over for days.

It's unbelievably romantic.

Oh, can't believe this.

Who even does that? Follow someone to another country?

Well, Dylan.

Odds on him telling her to F-off?

Not much, knowing Dyl.

Oh, you twat!

Here we go again.

Hey, let me.

Oh. OK, thanks.

Here you go, Dyl. Pina Colada.

Oh, not for me, mate.

Bit early, isn't it? Sorry, I just thought,

when you said you wanted one about ten minutes ago, you meant it.

Well, I'll have it, since Dylan's changed his mind.

So... what are you guys doing here?

Like, on this beach? Guilty!

That's down to me. I'm something of a local expert.

This is kind of over, isn't it?

Sorry, what? Sort of, the area, it's been and gone, hasn't it?

Been and gone how, sorry? Sorry, is he a part of your group?

Yeah, yeah. He is, yeah.

Why would that be odd?

So, tell us about yourself, Lauren.

Oh, I don't know. I'm here with Dylan.

Well, don't let him define you.

There's got to be something that makes you...

I'm training to be a doctor. There it is.

An anaesthetist and I'm running the Full Moon Marathon tomorrow, so...

What?

You knew about this, silly. You sponsored me three months ago.

It's for the land mine children.

Sorry, sorry.

What are you here for? Dylan or the marathon?

Both. I'm multitasking, thanks, Eddie.

Sean. Sean. Eddie?

You know, romantic gestures and raising money for charity aren't mutually exclusive.

Well, it's quite convenient, though, isn't it?

Can I ask you a medical question, Lauren?

Oh, God. I get this all the time. Yeah. Go ahead.

OK, so we want to get some drugs but we'd like them to be safe.

Well, safer. It's for the Full Moon Party later on.

Oh, OK. First of all, the Full Moon Party isn't safe.

It's full of shit-faced western arseholes.

Yes, yes. We're fine with that, thank you.