27 Dresses

Mozart found his calling at age five...

composing his first minuet.

Picasso discovered his talent for painting...

-when he was nine. -Oh. Thanks.

-Oh! -Tiger Woods swung his first club...

well before his second birthday.

Me? I was eight when I discovered my purpose in life.

I was at the St. Thomas Church next to the Hyatt Regency in Weehawken, New Jersey.

It was my cousin Lisa's wedding.

Here, Dad. Let me.

It was our first big family event since Mom died...

and Dad was not in great shape.

Daddy, can you take me to the girls' room? I have to go pee.

Uh, come on, Tess. Let's go.

Shit! Oh, shit!

-Oh,Janey, I'm sorry. -It's okay. We have cable.

What'll I do? What the f--

The heck am I gonna do?

Thank you so much, sweetie. You saved the day.

Janey, get my train.

And that was the moment. That's when I fell in love with weddings.

I knew that I had helped someone on the most important day of their life.

And I couldn't wait for my own special day.

Oh,Jane, that's stunning. It really is. It's the perfect dress.

Oh, my God. You look so beautiful.

Really? You really think so?

It's amazing, like it was made for you.

-It's for you. It's the bride. -Oh, great.

Thank you. Hi, Suzanne.

-Jane, is it ready? -Yeah. They just finished hemming it.

-It fits? -I know. Thank God we're the same size.

-Are you coming now? -I'm gonna have it over to you in just a minute.

-Don't worry about anything. This is your day. -Thanks,Jane.

Come on. Get that out of here.

There you are! You look great.

-Thanks! -Okay. Let's go. Come on.

Oh. Here.

-What's this? -I brought you a shawl, Visine, Tylenol...

-a pair of my earrings. -Ooh.

-About your hair-- -What? The bitch said, "Up." It's up.

Okay. I'll fix it inside.

What's all this stuff?

Let's just hurry.

Aren't the dresses great? The best thing about them is...

-you can shorten them and wear them again. -Definitely. So true.

Give me a smile.

Okay. Excuse me. On the right-

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union...

of Suzanne and Greg.

This is a time of great joy...

as we honor two people who have come together...

to be joined in holy matrimony.

-Oh, wow. -Sorry.

Taxi!

Great.

Thanks. 31 Water Street. Brooklyn.

Okay. I will give you $300 flat...

-for the whole night on one condition-- -Yeah.

You don't look in the rear view mirror or I deduct.

-Deal? Great. -Yeah.

What are you doing?

Hey. You just cost yourself 20 bucks.

I--No one's looking.

I'll be right back.

Thank God you're here. I'm freakin' out.

-I forgot my thingy. -Oh! Um--

I brought extra. No worries.

-Perfect. -Thank you.

-Hi! -Hi!

Are these dresses great? And the best thing is you could shorten it and wear it again.

That is definitely so true.

We gather here today to join in holy matrimony...

-Shari Rabinowitz-- -And Prakash Maharasti...

known to his friends as "Woody."

Shari and Prakash are so happy that so many of you are here today-

What are you doing? Get in the car! Come on!

Go! Go! Go!

-You in? -Yeah.

Hey! Hey! You are down to 260.

Are you sure you wanna keep this up?

-No! -Okay, then.

Okay. Which one do you want? The brunet or the blond?

I kinda want the blond. I'm not gonna lie.

Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?

Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress...

is so some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.

What time is it now? Well, I'm just gonna be about two more hours, so--

I'll call you back.

Holy--

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

#Lovely is the feeling now #

Hey! Wrong shoes! Wait a minute. Wrong shoes.

Ziggy! What?

# Temperature's rising now #

-Ha! -#Power #

Oh! Geez!

Jane, I'm so hungry. Did you eat anything?

-Oh, yeah. -It looks gorgeous. I haven't eaten anything.

And let me give you some advice, do not drink Moet on an empty stomach.

I'll tell ya. Whoa. Fall right off.

-Did you meet my grandma? -Yeah. She was great. I really enjoyed her.

-I think she's having fun. -Oh, yeah. Lots.

#Don't stop till you get enough #

-#Keep on with the force # -Whoo-hoo!

-#Don't stop till you get enough # -#Keep on, baby #

#Don't stop till you get enough ##

-Jane, what is that thing on your forehead? -Oh.

I'd like to take a moment to give a special thank-you to a girl...

who's really gone above and beyond.

The girl who not only hosted my shower and helped me design the invitation--

She went with me to the caterer, the florist, the wedding cake bakery-

And to eight bridal stores...

where she helped me cling to my self-esteem--

As I tried on dress after dress.

So thanks,Jane!

Thanks,Jane.

Okay! Everybody ready?

Is she all right?

Is she all right?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy.Just take it easy.

You don't wanna move around too much. Okay. This is a serious injury.

I need you to give me some ice. You, give me a bottle of 100-proof liquor...

and something she can bite on--stat!

All right. She's fine, folks.

Just a little bump on the head. Carry on.

You a doctor?

No, but Tweedledee and "Tweedledrunk" were bugging me, so--

-Okay. Do you know your name? -Jane.

Jane. I'm Kevin.

Hmm. Thank you for helping me.

-Sure. Got it? -Uh-huh.

-Okay. You're good? -I'm fine.

All right.

Whoa, whoa. Okay. Why don't we get you a cab?

All right. Nice and easy. Let's walk.

# That I'm irresponsibly mad #

#For you ##

I loved your thong, by the way.

You buzzed past me earlier. I saw you changing gowns.

You were in two weddings in one night, weren't you?

-That's a little upsetting, don't you think? -They're both good friends...

and their weddings happened to be on the same night, so what was I supposed to do?

Oh, no. That's not the upsetting part. How do you stand it?

-I mean, isn't one wedding bad enough? -I love weddings. I always have.

-Really? -Yeah.

Which part, the forced merriment, horrible music or bad food?

Actually, it's meeting upbeat people like yourself.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love means slowly losing your mind.

-What is it you do again? -I'm a writer.

Right.

-This is my building. -I got it.

-No. I got it. -Sure?

Yeah.

All right, sweetie. A hundred and forty. You know what you did.

Hey! What's--No. He's gonna be right back. Hold on.

Don't you think it's a whole lot of ritual for something that--

Let's face it--It's got about a 50-50 shot of making it out of the gate.

How very refreshing. A man who doesn't believe in marriage.

-I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle. -Oh.

That's so noble of you. Do you also go around...

telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist?

'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.

So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus.

No. I--

I don't know why I'm arguing this with a perfect stranger.

But, yes, marriage, like everything good and important, isn't easy.

Cynicism, on the other hand, always is.

-It was very interesting meeting you. -Bye.

Yeah.

You gonna be in more weddings next weekend?

-I have to go. -How many have you been in, by the way?

-Just, like, ballpark. -Good night.

-Hey, you know what? Could you-- -Yeah?

-Forget it. -Yup.

Okay.

Death. Destruction. Wedding vows. Yea.

Come to mama.

Oh.

Jeter hit a walk-off in the ninth. Did you see it?

Uh, no. I work Saturday nights, remember?

-Here. From the happy couple. -Oh, that's right.

You were eating coconut cake and doing the Electric Slide.

-So how'd it go? -Oh, let's see.

The bride wore a gown that sparkled like the groom's eyes...

as he saw her approaching through a shower of rose petals.

And you're not getting laid?

Commitments is the gold standard of wedding announcements.

Every girl on the planet rips open that page, first thing Sunday.

Brides kill to get in there.

Do you have any idea what you can be doin'?

-You mean to women who are about to get married? -Yeah.

They won't call you. They won't bother you.

They will pretend they never even met you. You can't beat that.

Well, it's not gonna matter much longer anyway.

-You're looking at my ticket out of the taffeta ghetto. -Keep on dreaming.

-Uh, go away. -Yes. Okay.

What? I wasn't gonna come to work in my bridesmaid dress.

Two-day walk of shame outfit. Elegant.