The Yuppie Fantasia 3 (Siu nam yan jau gei 3 ji ng ga yau hei)

Greetings, everyone. The name's Leung Foon.

I'm having a nightmare.

I think the worst nightmare you can have

is dreaming that you can't sleep.

And how do I know that this is a dream?

Because someone who can't fall asleep

won't soak his pillow in drool.

These nightmares began

when my daughter was 8 and her mother,

my ex-wife Ann, took her and ran off without a word.

They happened every week or two.

I dreamt that I couldn't sleep

because I worried that

if I did and they came home,

I wouldn't be able to hear the doorbell.

When Ann felt I had no future and abandoned me,

I swore that I would work hard

and become a man of consequence.

It turns out that's easy,

if you leave your dignity at home

and don't bring it to work.

It was hard getting used to it.

I'd seek it out at work.

Then Pierre bought me a dozen jars of sea salts,

and had me leave them at home.

That was an odd way to spend money,

but he said their were worth as much as my dignity.

That woke me up, and I became a new man.

I'd come home, shower,

and hardly recognize the guy in the mirror was me.

So I made up my mind-

and took out all the mirrors.

Good morning, mentor.

You changed cars again?

It was new.

If you weren't looking out for me, how could I afford it?

I couldn't even afford taking the bus, right?

I told you to stop calling me mentor.

No way. Confucius said-

"Teacher for a day, teacher for life." Right?

What good am I... wasting all my money on cars.

First off, Confucius didn't say that.

It was after he died that his student Zixia said it.

And the saying was-

"Teacher for a day, father for life."

I got a belt. I got a buckle.

But I decided not to correct Simon,

because I didn't want to be his mentor,

and certainly didn't want to be his father.

"The Yuppie Fantasia 3" I just wanted a ride to work.

"Street Market Upgrade Grand Opening Lion Dance"

- Granny's fishballs are the best. - Sure are!

And really bouncy!

"Heartless Tang Lung Holdings robs the people's livelihood"

Granny, one order of fishballs, please.

Thank you.

Five hundred dollars?

Oh, keep the change.

- That's a lot. - Keep the change.

Thank you.

You're a good man,

not like those heartless, jerk businessmen.

"Street Market Upgrade Grand Opening Lion Dance"

I wanna see the lion dance!

Excuse me...

The lion has come!

Where's the audio?

Hell,

they get three grand from each shop for opening day,

then have the stones to use a CG lion?

Yeah!

Sure, they know how to raise the rent,

but how much can hiring two lions cost?

Maybe this is just the prelude!

Later comes the big surprise!

This is Tang Lung Holdings, a big, publicly traded firm!

Exactly because it's Tang Lung!

Do you know who their boss is?

Who?

Wong Fai. There's nothing he wouldn't do.

What, is this a joke?

It's good we got chased out,

otherwise we'd have lost our shirts!

Ain't business if it ain't crooked, that's them!

Hey, who wants fishballs and siu-mai!

"Get in."

Sorry, sorry, Brother Fai.

If I knew you were coming, I'd have ridden with you.

I do love to hear you say sorry.

You do it so well, let's have another.

Sorry.

Sorry!

When Pierre first introduced you to me,

I had zero faith in you,

because you're like my wife...

like a little woman, mincing about.

I wouldn't have guessed you'd change so much in a dozen years.

You keep your talents well hidden.

I nearly missed the opportunity.

I just learn from you.

Don't you dare say that.

Three grand from each shop.

Fifty shops is a hundred-fifty grand.

Then you get the driver

to write up that computerized lion dance video

and give him all of five hundred as a red pocket.

That's the kind of dirty plan I couldn't think up.

If I did, I couldn't do it.

You are something... a dirty rat!

Let's go!

The crate in the back is yours.

That protégé of yours is a fast learner.

I told you he's not my protégé.

Get out of here!

Bets out, hands off.

Begin.

That's enough, put it down.

Open up!

You're first, Q Tai Long.

4, 6, 8...

10... 12 pills.

Pierre.

2, 4, 10, 12,

14, 15 pills,

Pierre wins!

Aw, hell.

I had a physical today.

I got something called proteinuria.

Add in diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol,

that gives me three pills over you.

Can you beat that?

Well, best of health to you.

Thank you.

- Let's drink! - This dinner's on him.

What should I watch out for when drinking red wine, Dr. Q?

In small amounts, it helps both stomach and blood,

as well as prevents colds.

In large amounts...

Ten years bring so many changes.

You'd never guess that Q Tai Long

would become a certified herbalist,

treating people with Chinese medicine.

But he sure has ethics,

only treating those with salaries over five million.

Take your medication!

As a bad influence, Pierre here is amazing.

His first wife was five years older.

The second was the same age.

The third wife was ten years younger.

This wife...

is only now allowed into the Macau casinos!

Oh yeah,

from my previous honeymoon,

a souvenir I forgot to give you. Here.

- What is this? - Please accept it.

More salt?

Hey, what about from this last one?

I'II deal with it next time.

You're having a "next time"?

"To celebrate our 'coming together' 3.5 weeks ago, take one pill before coming in."

Hi.

You got pretty drunk.

Don't worry-

Alcohol has left me partly up.

Viagra can handle the rest.

I want your help with one thing.

As you can see by the state I'm in,

I can help with more than one thing tonight.

I can even handle three things.

You're naughty. You're getting smacked.

Oh.

How was your day?

That awful boss picked on me.

What for?

He said the coffee I made wasn't hot enough,

that it was weak,

and told me to make some more.

So I scalded my hand.

That man is no better than a beast.

That's why...

I can't undo this.

Don't worry. Let me handle it.

Do you want it done from the front, or behind?

What's the difference?

From the front, it'd take...

0.5 seconds.

From behind...

1 second.

I don't believe you.

Try from behind first.

Clock me.

Begin.

You drank so much tonight,

why don't I stay and take care of you? How about it?

I already called an Uber for you.

It'll be here in an hour.

You only have 59 minutes left.

Going for a hat trick?

I did say I could help with three things.

I am someone who does what he says.