GameFace

He's got two dicks, get out!

I don't care how many dicks he's got, he saved my life!

Pause it. I need the loo.

God, I'm so broke.

Hey, Marcella, there's no toilet roll!

It's your turn to buy some.

There's only two more episodes, and then I'll go. No, no, no.

You need to go now!

Why don't you use the bath mat? Your slippers are in here, Marcella.

And so help me God, I will destroy them with my arse

if you do not go to the shop!

OK, I'll go. Don't need to go full Bear Grylls about it.

I'm going!

Oi!

I... I... I left these here earlier, act-...

It's my pub.

It's not your pub. It's people like you

that make decent women like me

have to drip dry.

Fine!

Hey.

Fruit, Marcella!

Well done, you.

Bravo! Very proud.

That is fantastic. That is... Just an... Just an apple, mate.

Um... So, before we get started,

I am going to have to take a little break from this.

Really?

Why? I'm just really skint at the moment

and my mum bought the first sessions and now

I just can't afford to keep it.

OK, Marcella. I don't think

we have to stop just because of lack of funds.

I think we can come to some arrangement.

Arrangement? You don't want a go on the old waltzers, do you?

No! I don't want a go on the old waltzers.

No, I...

I do find it interesting that you would rather joke about your breasts

than talk honestly about money.

Um... It's obviously very emotional for you.

I get so emotional, baby.

If I don't... Marcella.

It's not emotional, is it?

What is it, then? Tell me.

OK. Well... I was so excited about getting an actual part in a film.

And then I found out, you know, the part wasn't particularly well-paid.

Barely paid... It wasn't paid.

Ah, I see.

And all the cast are posh, and 24,

with at least one family member in the business.

How does that make you feel?

Super horny, actually.

Really?

No, that's...

Yep. OK.

How do you think it makes me feel? It's a constant feeling of worry

and impending doom and every situation becomes a minefield.

Oh, in what way?

And then I said to him, and you'll like this...

I said, it's Mauritius, not Sidcup.

Are you sure you don't want to order a main, Marcella?

No, no. I'm absolutely...

This is a lot more filling than it looked, actually, so...

Garcon? Can we get two more bottles of the Pinot Noir, please?

Oh, can we get some white as well?

I'm actually good. I'll have another water, actually. Tap water.

Keep it coming. Keep it coming!

Fuck it! Let's get a bottle of champagne!

Ooh, champagne!

Right.

How shall we do this?

Is everybody OK if we split...

it?

Marcella, are you all right if we split it? Oh, yeah. No worry.

I didn't eat anything, but...

It's fine. Good. Cos I am far too pissed to work it out.

Please go through. Please go through. Please go through.

Please go through. Thanks, Madam. That's gone through.

Thank you.

It's not bad, really. L72 each.

Why didn't you just say?

Because I don't know them very well, and I'm older than them.

And I didn't want to be the guy that makes everyone go through the bill.

I mean, everybody hates that guy. They don't, do they?

Do they?

Even if the guy didn't have the sirloin?

What sirloin? No, sorry, cos... You said everyone hate...

Marcella.

Acting is what you said you wanted, OK?

And sacrifices have to be made.

Maybe there are other ways to save money.

You're not on about a sex arrangement again, are you? No!

Yeah, I... I'm using all of the ways to save money.

I'm back waiting for the yellow stickers again. It's humiliating.

What're the yellow stickers?

No.

Who needs six chickens that go out of date in five hours?

Listen here, teeth.

I've been working this store for three years.

I've seen off your kind before.

You do not want to dance with me!

Nutter.

Oi, teeth! Don't you go at that fucking sourdough.

Move it, grandad!

Looks like there's a new dancer in town.

Ah, well, that explains it.

Yeah, been eating out of date bread for 24 hours.

I'm gluten intolerant. My chins are swelling. OK, right. Well...

Tell me what is going well.

Your family? No.

Billy's still on cocaine. And my mum doesn't know.

So, that just feels like a shitstorm waiting to happen.

OK. What about your father? Can you tell him?

No way am I telling my dad.

He is not what you would call a calm man.

Oh, in what way?

He's the kind of man that goes full, like, Joe Pesci if he doesn't get

enough gravy. What then?

Well, he gets enough gravy then, mate. He shouts and hollers about it

till his plate's brimming with the stuff. No, what is going well?

I mean, it's important to acknowledge what's good.

Yeah, OK. Uh... My driving lessons.

I'm still doing my driving lessons, that's... Good.

I like Jon.

Jon?

OK.

As a friend or...?

Um... We went out the other night. We had a really nice time.

Something nearly sort of happened.

And then I saw him with a date and I felt hella jealous.

Well, maybe tell him that you might have romantic feelings for him?

No offence, but suck my balls.

Marcella. Sorry.

What is the worst thing that can happen if you tell him?

Um...

Jon...

I like you.

Jesus!

Are you withholding feelings for Jon because you still feel

you're not ready for a sexual relationship?

I mean, Simon was your only partner for 12 years.

No... I...

Maybe.

OK.

Let's workshop this.

I'm Jon. OK?

Tell me what you feel for me.

No way in caps!

Uh... Marcella. I think it's time.

Please?

OK.

Hi, Jon.

I like you.

Why, you're a bonny lass!

And I'm glad you were brave to confess what's in your wee heart!

Was happening? What's going on now? You said Jon was Scottish.

No! He's Irish.

He's Irish! I can't do Irish.

Thank God. OK.

I will say something to Jon. If I feel it, and the time's right,

I will say something.

Excellent.

OK? Being able to be intimate with someone in a sexual way I think is

very important to our wellbeing.

I know, I know.

I just don't know if the timing's right at the moment.

I mean, after this I've got to go round to my mum's

and tell her that her golden boy's back on drugs.

I'm not feeling particularly frisky.

Are you sure you don't want me to cook you something?

Oh, no. This is great, Mum, thank you. It's great to see you.

Yeah.

I, uh...

I'm going to talk to you about something.

Would you ever feck off, Orlando?

You've had two lamb chops and a packet of Wotsits

and you're back for more. Is it a lion you think you are?

Mum, why are you feeding him Wotsits? The vet said

he's not allowed cheese any more.

But, his depression came back hard so I'm using the Wotsits

as a substitution.

A cheesy methadone.

Right. What did you want to talk about?

You're not working this week. Are you all right for money?

I'm fine, it's... Because now is not the time to not be earning.

Especially, you know, a single woman getting older.

You need to be sure that you're looking after yourself.

These are your earning years.

You need to be realistic. Mum, that's not what I'm trying to...

Well, you see all of these people on X Factor

and they all want to be stars.

Nobody wants a normal life any more.

There's no shame in a decent, normal life.

OK, Mum. I get it.

You were great though. Well, you obviously don't really think that.

You basically just told me to give up, so... No! You were brilliant!

I'm very proud of you.

Of you and William.

I have wonderful children.

How is Billy, William?