American Dad!

Well, hello there.

My name... it's not important,

but what is, is the next half hour.

You're going to see a cautionary tale

that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.

Here we go.

Wait, Stan.

Maybe we could do a little, you know, morning grind.

Wish I had time, but you know how busy my days are.

Oh, you're being ridiculous.

It takes, like, two minutes.

Let me break down my day for you-- I'm up at 7:00.

From 7:00 to 7:08, I brush, shave, shower...

From 7:08 to 7:09,

I frantically eat Grape-Nuts.

Then I have until 7:45 to take out the trash,

mow the lawn, and feed Klaus his omelet.

7:45 to 9:00,

drive Steve to school

and pick up Roger's dry cleaning.

9:00 to 9:10,

park, coffee, desk.

9:11 to 9:12,

think about 9/11.

I get it, Stan,

you're busy.

Great, the time we've spent talking about this

has put me off schedule.

Now I'll have to shave in the car.

Steve, out!

Aw, damn it!

Asian!

This is not my fault, Stan, I was texting.

Dad, I'm going to be late.

Look, I-I-I don't have time for this.

I have to get this kid to soccer practice and then-- aah!

Back problems, huh?

Come on, I'm gonna get you fixed up.

Well, I guess it's up to me to get to soccer practice.

What are we doing here?

You need to loosen up that back,

and nothing can get you looser than a hot 'cuzzi.

Look at me, I'm all loosey-goosey.

It's all thanks to my hot tub.

Margaritte, set this man up with some jets.

Hi, I'm Margaritte.

Look, I'm sorry, I'm not really a hot tub guy.

I have a family.

Okay, first of all, you need to let go

of any preconceived notions you have about tubs.

We have a wide selection of tubs

and can find the tub that is right for you.

Look at this tub.

This is a family tub, DVD player...

put The Princess and the Frog on there.

It's a good movie, man.

A lot of people ain't see it

because they weren't ready to accept a black princess,

and that's what I'm talking about, man,

being open-minded.

Just be free and see what's around you.

Find your tub.

That is not for you.

That is a used tub from the '70s,

a single man's tub designed for a party lifestyle.

It's like it called to me.

Come on, Stan, that is a used hot tub.

That's gross, man.

This is an anything-goes tub.

Please, man, you got a family.

This tub ain't for you.

I'll take it.

Oh, Stan, I can't believe we have a hot tub!

Let's have a dip before I pick up the kids.

I'm gonna take a quick deuce

and then put on your favorite bikini.

This was a stupid impulse buy.

When am I even gonna have time for this?

Dip a toe.

Wha-- who said that?

Ain't nobody got to know.

Just dip a toe.

Wait, you can talk?

I can do a whole lot more than talk, baby.

Oh, fun...

Wazzup?

Stan, do we have time for this?

Shh.

All that matters right now is that we take our time

and do this right.

That old hot tub loosened Stan right on up.

Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.

That's cool.

That... was... the... best...

sex... I... ever... had...

with you.

That hot tub-- whoo!

Oh, you have to try it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hit the jets and watch us blast off.

Are we above Egypt?

That's Mount Rushmore.

We have lift off.

Dad, hey!

Hello, you didn't pick me up!

I sat outside school like an idiot for over four hours!

Then I walked home like a, like an animal!

Do you even care?

I mean, did you even pick Roger up from soccer practice?

Stan, the hot tub is great,

but you need to take Steve to school.

But I'm only halfway through my soak.

Gee, Dad, I'd love to get in the hot tub, too,

but I can't because I'm pretty sure

my parents (bleep) in it last night.

Well, damn, man, you all tight again.

Yeah, I don't want to go to work.

Hey, we should have a party.

No can do.

Okay, okay, okay, I hear you.

But what if we did?

Ow, baby, yeah!

Man, I got to tell you, I was wrong about this tub.

It is so deluxe.

It seems more advanced than a modern-day tub,

which is strange.

Great party, Stan.

I brought you some of this Spa Down.

Now, you'll need it after a party like this.

All the... body oils... you know what I mean...

it affects the chemistry of the water,

so when the tub gets out of control,

just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.

What the hell?!

Get out, all of you!

Who were those women, Papa?

Steve, go inside.

Stan, ever since you got this hot tub,

you've been acting different.

You are taking a break from this tub.

Fine.

Come on, babe, you still mad?

Yes.

Stan, we can't just do whatever we want.

We're parents.

You don't think that every single day of my life

I want to do coke?

But I can't because I have PTA tomorrow.

And you need to clean the garage,

Do the bills, do the gutters.

The car needs an oil change,

You have to look at that busted sprinkler head,

you need to help Steve with his homework,

move that wood pile out back.

Stan!

Are you listening to me?

Yeah, yeah, of course,

I'll, I'll do all of that in the morning.

Okay, good.

Good night.

Oh, Stan.

Ah...

I think I figured out the root to all your problems.

It's that family of yours...

they are stressing you out.

Totes, but it's my family.