Family Guy

What are you doing to Dad?

What? I'm going to the grocery store.

Okay, you remember Memento? That.

Don't forget the cucumbers, Peter.

All right. Where's that?

Oh, hey, right, 'cause of that thing we started doing.

By the way, speaking of which, best "O" ever.

I felt dirty for an hour, but it's gone now.

Now I just can't wait for night.

I wish you hadn't said that at full volume

in front of our children.

I can't tell if they have a really good marriage

or a really bad one.

I feel like it's weird but strong.

Like Danny Trejo.

Thank you for noticing.

You ready for movie marathon day, Rupert?

Ah, I was born ready, too.

All right, time for Fast and the Furious

one through seven.

All right, let's get (BLEEP) high.

You can't be high for this, Brian.

This is serious stuff.

This is a 14-hour meditation

on the importance of family, fast cars,

product placement, racial ambiguity and family.

Where's eight? Didn't that one just come out?

Someone said they were going to get me eight

on Blu-ray for my birthday,

and someone got me a limited edition

Michael Kors pebbled leather tote bag instead.

- You love that bag. - I know. You're the best.

Okay, put in Fast 6.

You're starting with six?

Um, yeah. We're going in order from best to worst.

Six, five, seven, three... I know that's controversial...

One, four, two.

By the way, don't tell Rupert

about Paul Walker being D-E-A-D.

He doesn't know.

All right. So, what's the plot?

Oh, you don't understand these movies.

What was that, Rupert?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

No.

I don't know. Maybe? Maybe bi?

That's Ludacris. That's not Tyrese.

What are you talking about? They look nothing alike.

Ludacris looks like a human peanut,

and Tyrese looks slick.

He looks like a Chinese black.

Like Africa and Asia had sex

while Europe sat on a chair

in the corner of the hotel room and watched.

Ludacris, human peanut. Tyrese, Chinese black.

Are you gonna keep talking like this during the whole thing?

What? I'm answering Rupert's questions.

Now we're gonna have to rewind.

We just missed the scene where half the team steals a tank

while the other half pretends to be a DJ for some reason.

- Damn it. - Yeah, okay.

- I'm going to the bar. - Suit yourself.

Rupert and I are just fine without you.

You're right.

I bet he is on his period.

Whatever that means.

La, la, la, la. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Gross, gross, gross. Ew, ew, ew.

No, no, no. No. Ew. Ew.

A loaf of bread, a container of milk

and a stick of butter.

A loaf of milk, a container of bread

and a Joe Dirt DVD.

A Joe Dirt DVD, Scarlett Johansson

and treasure from a fish tank.

Attention, shoppers.

Beloved cereal icon Boo Berry

is now greeting customers in aisle six.

Boo Berry?

The Boo Berry?

Are there imposter Boo Berries?

Hey, watch it.

Oh, Mr. Boo Berry, I'm your biggest fan.

You're not the one threatening me

on Facebook, are you?

No, no. No, not-not you. Not you.

Hey, you know what I always loved about your cereal?

It tasted like blueberries.

Oh, my God. Boo Berries.

And you're... and you're a ghost.

'Cause... So that-that's the "boo."

Did you guys know you were doing that? Oh, my God.

- Anyway, can I shake your hand? - Sure.

I've been touched by greatness.

I am never washing this hand again.

This is the best thing to happen to me

since I became a wisecracking,

fourth-wall-breaking superhero.

Call me Redstool.

The treatment didn't give me powers,

but it did spread cancer to my anus.

Sorry, Rupert. I think I'm down for the count.

You okay if I go to bed?

Oh, I like that we're comfortable doing things separately, too.

Good night.

Do me a favor and don't wake me when you come up, though.

Yes, you do. You always step on the creaky board.

Yes, you do. Every time.

No, you're being a little bitch.

Don't go to bed angry.

Don't go to bed angry.

Defuse. Defuse.

Rupert, I'm sorry.

I overreacted.

Now you say you're sorry.

What do you mean, "For what"?

I hate you!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I love you. I value you.

We're not escalating. It's fine.

I'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

Hi, this is Vin Diesel.

Welcome to the DVD menu.

Why don't you grab yourself a Corona,

hit play and enjoy the ride.

Hi, this is Vin Diesel.

Welcome to the DVD menu.

Oh, boy, you're hungover.

How are you going to do nothing today?

Oh, my God.

Rupert?

No! Rupert!

Rupert!

Hi, this is Vin Diesel.

Oh, man, did your friend kill your other friend?

That's betrayal.

That's not strong.

Danny Trejo is strong.

Aw. Come on, guys.

This is getting embarrassing.

Murderer!

You killed Rupert.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, whoa. Hey, what's going on?

You killed my best friend is what's going on.

Oh. Uh-oh.

Bear-killing bastard.

Oh, my God. Stewie, I am so sorry.

I-I was drunk. It was an accident.

I must have thought he was a chew toy.

So? If you were driving drunk and ran him over,

would you still go to jail?

Yes! You killed him.

Let me make it up to you, please.

How about you kill something I love?

How about I do that?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

Okay, that's-that's fine. That's fair.

No, I-I meant, like-like...

like my favorite tennis ball.

You're comparing Rupert to a tennis ball?

What is wrong with you?

No wonder you two never got along.

He always knew there was something off about you,

and now we know what it was. You're a psycho!

- Stewie, I didn't mean to... - Shut up!

- You don't understand. I... - Shut up.

Stop trying. It's over.

Look at me. Watch. See what I'm doing?

Twitter: Unfollow.

Instagram: Unfollow.

Snapchat: Unfollow.

And there we go. Done.

We are not friends anymore.

- But, Stewie... - Bye.

Dikembe Mutombo, will you do the thing?

Brian, you are blocked.

Why are you brushing your teeth with your left hand?

Can't risk the right getting wet, Lois.

Boo Berry touched it, and it is now a sacred space, like a temple.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna have middle-aged woman,

boobs-falling-off-to-the-side sleep now.

Hey, Chris, have you seen...

What, uh... what-what are you doing?

Operating my thriving quinceañera dress business.

Do me a favor, stand on that chair?

Uh, okay.

So, what's up?

I'm looking for Stewie. He and I had a fight,

and I'm scared he might've done something drastic.

Him?

You're the one who killed his friend.