Friends

- Hey. - Hey.

Hold on a second.

Nice. Nice.

I got you something.

- What's this? - Eight hundred and twelve bucks.

I don't know what Big Leon told you, but it's a thousand...

...if you want me for the whole night.

- What is this for? - Well, I'm making money now.

And this is paying you back for headshots, electric bills...

...and so many slices of pizza I can't even count.

- I love you, man. - Well, thanks, man.

Now I can get my pony.

Hey. This is a little extra something for always being there for me.

Wow, I don't know what to say.

- Eh? What do you say? - I don't know.

It's a bracelet.

Isn't it? It's engraved too. Check it out.

"To my best bud."

Thanks, best bud.

- Put it on. - Oh. Now?

No, something this nice should be saved for a special occasion.

No, that's the beauty part. It goes with everything.

When you put this on, you're good to go.

Oh, man!

You are so wearing that bracelet!

I so am!

Oh! Any idea what this will do for your sex life?

It'll probably slow it down at first...

...but once I'm used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.

- This all looks good. - Great.

If I want to call for a reference on your last job?

Oh, that's there on the bottom, see? The manager, Chandler Bing?

All right.

Let's see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.

A salad? I could do something more complicated.

No, just the salad will be fine.

You got it.

Now I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're doing it.

All right. Well, I'm tearing the lettuce.

Uh-huh. Is it dirty?

Oh, no, no. I'm gonna wash it.

Don't. I like it dirty.

That's your call.

So, uh, what are you going to do next?

I thought that I'd cut up the tomatoes.

Are they firm?

- They're okay. - You sure they haven't gone bad?

You sure they're not very, very bad?

Ahem. No, really, they're okay.

You gonna slice them up real nice?

I was going to do them julienne.

I'm out of here!

Hello?

Rachel's not here right now. Can I take a message?

All right. And how do we spell Casey?

Is it like "at the bat" or "and The Sunshine Band"?

Okay, bye-bye.

Hey, who's this Casey?

Some guy she met at the movies.

What does he want with her?

I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance...

...you know, make a little love...

Well, pretty much get down tonight.

I don't know. I don't...

I don't get it! Two months ago, Rachel and I were this close.

Now I'm taking messages from guys she meets at the movies?

I mean, this Casey should be taking down my messages, you know?

Or Rachel and I should be together...

...and we should get some kind of message service.

Hang in there. It's gonna happen.

Now how do you know that?

Because she's your lobster.

Oh, she's going somewhere.

It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life.

You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples...

...walking around their tank, holding claws, like...

Hey, you feeling better?

Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.

So do you have any other possibilities?

Yeah. There is the possibility that I won't make rent.

Monica, if you want, I can lend you money.

No, no. If I couldn't pay you back right away...

...then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.

Oh. Then why don't you borrow it from Mom and Dad?

You feel guilty and tense around them already.

Might as well make some money off of them.

- The man's got a point. - Ohh.

What is that sparkly thing?

That thing? It's a, uh...

Yeah, it's a little flashy.

No, no.

No, no. It's not flashy. Not for a goodfella.

Man, that is sharp! That must have cost you quite a few doubloons.

Hi. - Hi.

- Hi, darling. So what's this?

Some of your old stuff.

Well, sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.

Wow, that is a surprise!

Just one little question. Why not Ross' room?

Gosh, we talked about that...

...but your brother had so many science trophies, plaques, merit badges...

Well, we didn't want to disturb them.

God forbid!

- Ohh. - Hi.

Hi, Rachel. Aww.

We were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up.

Well, they're just separated. You never know! We'll see.

I can't say any of us were surprised.

Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them.

- Oh. - Especially after that incident in Hawaii.

What? What incident?

Um, no, no. I must be thinking of someone else.

Maybe me! Ha!

Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold, dear. Fold. You fold.

Want a refill? - No. I'm all right, thanks.

You gotta give me a second. I want to get this just right.

Ahem.

Dude, 11:00, totally hot babe checking you out.

That was really good. I think I'm ready for my penis now.

I know what you're thinking. Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.

- I'm Gail. - Chandler.

I... I really have to be somewhere, but it was nice meeting you.

What?

This is excellent!

He could've gotten me a VCR or a set of golf clubs.

But no! He has to get me the "woman repeller"!

The eyesore from the Liberace House of Crap!

- It's not that bad. - Easy for you to say.

You're not sporting a reject from the Mr. T collection!

Chandler. Chandler.

"I pity the fool that puts on my jewelry! I do! I do!

I pity that fool..." Ay.

Hey, man! We were just doing some impressions.

Do your Marcel Marceau.

That's actually good.

Would you look at that guy? How long has he been talking to her?

It's like, back off, buddy! She's a waitress, not a geisha.

I think she's okay.

Look at that! See how she's pushing him away and he won't budge?

I'm gonna do something.

We'll get a condo right on the mountain. Ski in, ski out, it's great.

Excuse me? Are you Rachel?

What?

Ross Geller.

God, in your ad you said you were pretty, but wow!

What are you doing?

Oh, my God, is this the wrong day?

I don't believe it!

If it works out, we'll have something to tell the grandkids!

You sure will.

I've gotta go.

- Take care. Okay.

- See you later. Ohh.

You're welcome.

- What? - I was saving you.

Saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man?

- From where I was... - Okay, Ross, listen to me.

I am not yours to save.

- But you are. - What?

Uh, well, um... You're my lobster.

Okay. Are you being the blind-date guy again?

No, you're my lobster.

See, um... Lobsters...

Uh, in the tank, when they're old...

...they get with the... They walk around holding the claws.

In the tank! You know, with...

...with the holding and...

Pheebs, you wanna help me with the lobster thing?

Do the claws again.

Rach, forget the lobsters, okay?

Let's talk... What about us?

Ross, there is no "us," okay?

- No, but... - No! Listen to me!

I fell for you and I get clobbered.

You then fall for me and I again get clobbered.

I'm tired of being clobbered, you know?

It's just not worth it.

Well, but...

No "but," Ross.

We are never gonna happen, okay? Accept that.

Except... Except that what?