Ash vs Evil Dead

Oh, oh!

Everybody's favorite skanky demon Ruby is back,

and she's yanking Brandy's chain.

Let me go. We need to kill her. Now.

We need a Kandarian dagger.

Guys, I found it!

I think we need to get out of here right now.

Run!

Dalton! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It was Pablo.

Pablo did this to you?

What the hell are you doing in my house, creep-o?

Enjoying the company of the granddaughter

I never knew I had.

Ah!

I wish you were the one that was dead.

I didn't even kill him, because he's already dead!

Oh!

Come on.

Come on. Let go.

Pablo, you and those cheap imported parts!

Jesus.

Nice try, Ruby.

You think I'm stupid?

You think I don't know my own father when I see him?

Poor Ashley.

Life just keeps serving up the shit sandwichs.

Uh, speak of the devil.

What are you doing here, Pop?

I don't know.

Something disturbed my grave, pulled me back.

I always wanted to be a ghost.

Well, it's nice to see you.

Even though I'm looking through you.

Cool, huh?

Whoa!

What the hell is this?

Ah, it's pretty convoluted.

Ruby was using you to make me look bad

in front of my daughter.

Well, it looks like she succeeded.

Yeah.

Oh, hold on there, did you say daughter?

Yeah. I just found out a few days ago.

Her name is Brandy.

Well, look at you. My boy's a father.

H- Hell, that makes me a grandfather.

Damn, you miss so much when you're dead.

What's she like?

Stubborn as shit...

and she hates my guts.

Well, she's smart. I like her already.

Where is she?

I don't know. She freaked out when she saw this.

Called me a monster.

Look, fatherhood ain't easy.

Lord knows, I learned the hard way.

Uh Ash, you remember the night I died?

There's something I've kept from you.

What is it, Pop?

Something so vital, that...

the fabric of your life may begin...

How could I forget, cost me 300 bucks

to get the fender pounded out.

You spent more on that damn fender

than you did on my funeral, cheapskate.

That's not true...

ish. Well, it's still a shit way to go.

Anyway, this is way bigger than your fender.

Okay, so tell me.

Oh, no. I'm not going to tell you.

I want to show you.

Ash, Pablo is dick deep in trouble...

Oh, shit.

Ash?

Fuck.

Anybody home?

If you're a Deadite, I'm in no fucking mood.

Ah! Brandy.

I forgot my phone.

But you're okay?

Okay?

Ash just sliced open some guy I thought was my grandfather

with a chainsaw.

I'm so far from okay, I don't even know what okay is.

Makes high school seem a lot less awful, am I right?

Okay, where's Ash?

I don't know.

And no offense, but I've had enough

of my delusional old man, and his muchachos.

I'm getting my shit, and I'm getting out of here.

Hold up, Daria. Okay?

Bodies are dropping left and right,

some of them friends of mine,

and since this has something to do with you,

I need you to stay close.

How do you even deal with him?

I mean, I don't really have a choice,

because he's my father, but you...

Ash may be a perverted drunk with racist tendencies,

but he has his moments.

Evil killed my parents, too.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, I passed go on that horror show a long time ago.

Ash is probably at the hardware store, right?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Pablo!

Whoo! Pablo!

You're up way past your bedtime!

Brandy, run!

Uh, I can't! Hold on!

Young virgin meat!

Fuck!

So moist...

and soft!

Brandy!

Shit!

Come on! Ah!

Where is he?

Where did he go?

Shit. Where's the dagger?

It fell. I...

Got it.

Go to the trailer!

Run! Where you going?!

Run! Run! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

That was just the appetizer!

I'm ready for the main course!

What the hell happened to him?

It's not his fault.

Evil fucked him, like it fucked everything.

Ah!

He's going to get in!

Maybe, but not through the windows.

Ash upgraded this piece of shit with bulletproof glass.

I can bang, bang, bang, all night long!

Shit! I left my cell in the truck.

Give me yours. Mine's dead.

Ah!

If you don't let me in, I'll huff...

and I'll puff...

and I'll blow this fucking trailer apart!

What are we supposed to do?

Just wait until Ash comes back and saves us?

I don't think that's a plan.

Okay, what's with the snow?

And why is it daylight all of a sudden?

What? Did I pass out? No... you didn't pass out.

Well, what happened to all my Ashy Slashy stuff?

Uh, this is the past.

Look, I'm showing you a memory.

My memory.

Come on.

Ah!

Wow. Talk about "two steps back."

Haven't you seen It's a Wonderful Life?

Where an angel shows a guy his old life,

so he can learn from the past.

Are you a ghost, or an angel?

What the hell difference does it make?

The point is, I'm tryin' to show you something.

Now just watch.

Whoa. Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Double vision.

When was this?

Mm, 2012.

Mr. Williams? Brock Williams?

If this is about my mortgage, the check's in the mail.

No. I'm here... Water?

Electric? No, I just want to know,

is Ashley Joanna Williams your son?

Oh hell.

Thanks for that name, by the way.

That name gave you thick skin.

Yeah, thick from all the playground beatings.

What are you crying about?

It did you good. Look at you now.

Um, I guess.

And believe me, I wouldn't be here

if it weren't a matter of life and death.

Uh... Your son is in grave danger,

targeted by an evil that threatens to...

An "evil?" Get lost, ding-dong.

I'm trying to sell hardware here.

Way to warn me.

Uh, for all I know, he could've been a porn salesman.

You need to see this.

These pages were torn from a book of evil

known as the Necronomicon.

Centuries ago, my ancestors fought and died,

to keep this away from the forces of darkness.

Son of a bitch.

The guy's got the lost pages.

You mean that "book" crap was for real?

- Dingdong. - Uh, hold on.

Uh, who did you say you were with?

We call ourselves the Knights of Sumeria.

The who with the huh?

That's exactly what I said!

I know how this sounds... Wait a second.