Moving Violations

- Good morning, Chief Fromm. - Good morning.

- Halik. - Yes, sir?

I thought it over. I'm gonna recommend you for that promotion.

Yes, sir. That's very good news, sir.

Your record's unblemished. You deserve it, Halik.

Yes, sir. Now if you excuse me, sir,

I have to make my daily quota of citations, sir.

Of course.

- See you around, Halik. - Have a good day, sir.

What a tight ass.

- What did the Chief say? - Hmm.

- I got my promotion. - Good.

By the way,

I got my period.

Oh, great.

- Problem, officer? - You littered back there.

- I did? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, you mean that apple? I can explain that.

I was driving along and hit this bump in the road.

- The apple bounced out of my hand. - Never mind the song and dance.

Your driver's license and registration, please.

Now wait a minute, I hit this bump on the road, the apple bounced.

It was right in my hand. It bounced right out the door.

Your driver's license and registration, please.

You got it.

Let's see... here we go.

- What is this? - Oh,

that's my communist party membership card.

I just joined for the softball league.

Only team in the league with cheerleaders.

Big fun. Here we go.

- Is this you? - Oh, yeah.

I photograph a whole lot better than I look.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Wait a minute, you're really serious?

- You're really gonna give me a ticket? - I certainly am.

- For an apple. - From the looks of this vehicle,

I'm gonna write you several tickets.

Several tickets?

Look, why don't we just make this easy?

Why don't you just pistol-whip me, okay?

If you don't keep your mouth shut, we're gonna deliver you

- right down to the station-house. - Fine.

Anything you say, sir.

I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am.

Really?

Well, one of you should wear a ponytail 'cause this could get really confusing.

Come on, I don't go sniffing around your things, do I?

- What is this powder? - Fertilizer.

- Shit! - Exactly.

You're in big trouble now, mister.

Big trouble.

Oh, I can't believe I'm taking up bowling.

I've never done any kind of sport in my life.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it, ma'am.

Here's my car.

My doctor says I need exercise,

but I'm sick. "I got a bad heart," I says to him.

Let me get this trunk for you.

Oh, I don't know

how I'm gonna get these balls out of here.

So anyways, he thinks I'm a hypochondriac.

Yeah, how can I be a hypochondriac when I'm sick all the time?

If I die while bowling, it's his fault.

Oh my god, I'm three minutes late for my pills!

Oh god! Am I dead? I'm dead!

One cantaloupe...

$97.00

Jamie, come sit on grandpa's lap.

I think I broke it.

- This is all I need. - Yes, ma'am.

My fine friend, it certainly is a fine day, is it not?

A fine day in our fine kingdom.

Now it is finally time for you to die!

- Aha-ha-ha! - Oh, no.

Well, try this on for size, Duke.

En garde!

- You are evil. - You must be smitten.

Die, you Norman Pig!

You Saxon Dog!

- Help! - Oh, no!

Hey, hey.

Hey, what the hell are you kids doing?

Stop shaking this thing.

What are you doing?

Hey, stop that!

Help, somebody stop this thing! I can't stop this thing!

Oh my god, oh my god! Help!

Oh my... help!

Help!

- Was that the number 12? - Naw, just a puppet stage.

And Joey never hurt nobody.

Help! Somebody stop this thing!

He was respected by his fellow man.

Help!

- Take it. - Here we go.

Let's get outta here.

The white zone

is for loading and unloading of passengers only.

- No parking. - Where's the bag?!

- Right here, ma'am. - That's good.

Flight 502 now loading at gate five.

Oh, over there. Loretta.

Yoo-hoo, Loretta!

Yoo-hoo, Loretta.

- Over here, dear. - Emma Jean, welcome home.

Oh, you look wonderful.

Love your tan! Yes!

Over here. He's a black guy.

Oh! Why, of course.

Of course.

Well, just put the bags in the back seat, please.

Oh, I'm so glad you're home, Emma.

- He's a black guy, you know? - I know, but I came to take you home.

- Let me drive. - You're as blind as a bat.

Just don't worry about it, okay? Just get in the car, honey.

The white zone is for loading

and unloading of passengers only.

No parking.

Flight 106 now departing at gate seven,

immediate departure.

Last call for flight 106,

now leaving at gate seven.

Oh, well, dear, I'm glad to see you too.

Yes, thank you, dear. Oh, well, you've had your hair done.

- You look lovely. - Loretta!

Loretta!

The white zone is for loading

and unloading of passengers only.

No parking.

My dear, are you ready?

- Yeah. - We'll get you home in no time.

Oh, I bet you will.

And remember Mr. Parkins?

The man at the butcher's shop?

He was cutting a slice of chuck steak or something,

- and he cut part of his finger off. - Oh, that's awful.

Oh, and the girls came over last Tuesday for bridge.

- I won 15 bucks! - Wow.

- Damn buses, always in the way!

I hate driving in this airport... too much traffic.

Here we go. Come on, buddy,

Let's move it.

So that bingo game, I'm telling you!

It was a wonder...

Oh, shit!

- Hey, Ernie, how is it going? - Pretty good.

Hank?

Well, look who's here.

Mr. Cannon.

Wow, isn't this incredible?

Some higher power must really want the three of us to be together.

You got a car too. Why is that?

You don't park any better than you drive, do you?

- What are you talking about? - This car is parked in front of a hydrant.

Well, I can see that.

- Now I want you to move this car. - Why?

Because you're breaking the law.

No, I'm not.

Deputy Morris,

I think this car is loaded with violations, don't you?

Yeah.

Like this...

broken taillight.

Deputy Morris, what about that malfunctioning headlight?

How do you like that?

You guys are nutty.

I've had it with you, punk.

Gee, I just don't understand it.

I always loved you guys on "Chips."

What do you think you're doing, Halik?

On their behalf, sir, may I say that this car was evil?

- Possessed of Satan, it had to be dest... - Shut up!

Well, sir, you see,

I asked him to move his car...

It's not his car, Halik.

It's not?

It's mine!