Just the Ticket

Okay, here we go.

Stay loose.

Hello?

Anybody in there? Hello.

Hi.

Right.

- My turn? Do I go? - Please.

- The "bless me, Father" thing? - Yes, my son.

Right.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...

20, 25 years since my last confession.

I've used the Lord's name in vain 20, 30 times today.

Okay. Where do I start?

I've got a problem that's causing me pain and heartache.

Her name is Linda Paliski.

She is everything.

You know what I'm saying, Doc?

Well, you wouldn't know what I'm saying.

But she's like... How can I say it in your terms?

She's my light, my beacon.

My amazing grace.

Look, changed man. When can I move in?

Do you have any dog food?

Come on. How long are those things good for?

- I'll get you what I have. - I'll come up and get it.

No, you won't.

Is this going to be a permanent thing, because I gave Blinker to you.

We're sort of like apart now.

She's dumped me.

This is Rhonda. What do you want?

How courteous. It's me, Gary.

Linda wants me to come up and get some dog food.

Hold on.

Great, Blinkie. Me and you, baby.

The thing that really gets to the problem...

is that I'm in sales.

It's not sales.

It's resales. I'm a scalper.

I'm a ticket scalper.

I'm a scalper, for chrissakes. That's why she dumped me.

It's been two months, and she hasn't directed one word towards me.

Even a look in my direction.

I'd like to do the right thing. I'd like to get a legit gig.

But those things are like another world. Are you getting this?

Because it doesn't stop there.

I've got this guy that works for me. He's my holder.

Talk about carrying the cross.

You got mustard on your chin, Benny.

Tell me something.

- You seen any oscars today? - Nope. Haven't seen a cop all morning.

- Benny, who's that? - What?

That guy over there. Uniform. Hat.

Badge.

That's another navy blue. I should've seem him.

Can we pay attention here? I'm trying to work.

I'm on it, Chief. I'm with you.

I'm gonna do such a good job for you 'cause I love you so much.

And I'm just here, I'm just paralyzed.

I just need... I just want a little guidance.

Just a little something. Gimme a sign.

A little light at the end of the tunnel. Something to hang my hat on.

Recognizing your problem is half the battle, my son.

Find a new path to travel.

Follow your heart. Do God's work.

The strength is within you. Find the courage.

What, are you in a hurry?

God will show you the way.

I'm here for the "how" part. How?

You know, the light, the vision.

As I said, God will show you the way.

Trust in Him. You'll find strength in Him.

Go in peace, my son.

But before you do, you have any tickets for the Knicks' game Friday night?

Sold out. I got two tickets.

Van Gogh Ear ashtrays! $10, two for $20. What a deal.

It's sold out. 30 bucks apiece.

Knock yourself out.

I'd like a refund. I didn't enjoy the show.

I can't give you a refund. I didn't produce the show.

Gary, tell the lady we don't give refunds.

Refunds? We got refunds. The guy in the red hat.

I'm sorry. The guy in the red hat.

You can talk to him over there. Good luck. We'll see you next year.

Take the tickets to Mrs. Manhime. Pick up $200.

- Manhime. M-A-N-H-l-M-E. - I got it.

Come on. Oyster Perpetual! El Presidente. Submariners.

They're releasing tickets for tonight at the Meadowlands.

We're making a move to Jersey. Pick up those tickets at will-call.

And see Mrs. Manhime and collect $200.

Let's go.

- How you feeling? - I'm okay. Just hate this business.

Go. You got it.

I'm gonna hang around here, mop up the museum. I don't wanna go.

Are you crazy? The joint's almost closed. No one can sell a ticket.

- Get on the bus. - I'll take whatever you got, half face.

You got it. Here you go. Come back. You're crazy.

Save me some tickets, all right? Okay. We'll see ya.

Arigato, fellow-san!

Got tickets.

Yes, American tickets.

Big American scalper.

How many more tickets did Gary sell than you?

And how many T-shirts and watches did you have to pedal home?

A couple.

- Where's the food? - It's coming.

Hey, the man!

How you doing, Professor?

You consider my proposition?

I did.

And?

Hello!

It's the thing about working alone. That's the way I gotta do this.

I mean, it's no offense to... It's the way I have to do this.

Why don't you relax?

I'll do that. Okay.

This is not a shakedown. This is just a business idea.

- You make me nervous. - We're all adults here.

Give this to Sylvia when she comes in.

- What was that about? - Barry the Book.

Bookmaker to the degenerates.

Wants to buy a piece of me, stake me financially for a percentage.

- You know what that means. - Gary, you don't need anybody.

The museum today? You're a god.

- Good call, brother. - Good call, that's it.

Anybody hear anything about the pope today?

- What pope? - Big guy. Tall. White hair. Long dress.

My sources tell me it's between New York, Moscow or Russia.

Acts don't go to Siberia when they can come to the media capital of the world.

The Big Apple.

I hear the stadium's holding open dates. Rescheduling events.

End of the month.

You heard that?

You really think he'll come here?

I pray every night that he does.

An event like this is like...

- Comes around once in a lifetime. - And lives get changed.

- What did you say? - And lives get changed.

How you doing, Blink? Move over.

We better call Lin. Wanna call Lin?

Hi, it's Linda. I'm not here to take your call.

Leave a message after the tone. Bye.

Hi, Linda. It's me, the asshole.

I know you're there. Will you pick up, please?

Come on, baby. I need to talk to you.

Okay, I'll just talk to you then.

How are things doin'? Everything's well?

Come on, please. I've gotta talk to you.

I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important. Please pick up.

Okay, I'm going to stop by the store tomorrow.

All right, okay.

You know what? If you don't pick up in five seconds...

I'll take that as a yes and I'm coming tomorrow.

One, two, three, four, five.

This set is really great for the kitchen.

It's small, discreet. It has a clock on it if you want to time something.

If you're looking for a larger set, those have built-in videos...

which are extremely convenient.

He's not gonna buy. You're wasting your time.

Beat it. Scram. Go away and don't come back. Don't write, don't call.

Did you get my messages? I need to talk to you. It's important.

- Let me buy you lunch. - No.

Dinner then, please. This is important. I have things to talk to you about.

I had things to say to you, but I don't anymore.

Don't say that.

Things are different now. It's nice.

No more waiting up for you, no calls in the middle of the night, no excuses.

Linda, look at me.

That's not me anymore.

I've got a plan big enough to change everything for us.

- Please. - Come on, please. Let me say my piece.

What if I can sell this guy a TV? Not that 13 " job, but that 60" TV there.

- Will you have dinner with me then? - That man's too cheap to buy a toaster.

Are you kidding me?

Deal?

A piece of cake.

Ouch.

I wouldn't get too close to this baby, Commander.

It might suck you right in.

Beautiful.

How are you? Dave Kelly, sales representative for Sony.

Just lookin'.

Well, aren't we all. It's okay. I'm not working today.

It's obvious to me anyway that you're here without your wife...

and couldn't make a decision without her.

This is an extraordinary piece of equipment.

This equipment was designed for only the most deserving of men.

The working man.

The man who is the backbone of this country.

A man who deserves not 13", but the full 60" experience.

Full visual stimulus, a cacophony of sound...

that stimulates the ocular nerve.

Have you ever had your ocular nerve stimulated?

Yeah, once.

An assault on the senses. It takes you to a place where everything is good.

Where everything's swell.

But, again, your wife is not here.

Oh, goodness. Can l...

What?

No, you'd better leave.

- Why? - This is a private thing.