Parks and Recreation

- SUPPORT FOR PAWNEE COMMUNITY RADIO

COMES FROM THE WENDELL G.

AND MURIEL FATHWRIGHT KORBLEMAN FOUNDATION

AND SWEETUMS CARES,

A NONPROFIT GROUP THAT PUTS UMBRELLA HATS

ON HOMELESS PEOPLE WHEN IT RAINS.

- WELCOME TO THOUGHTS FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

I'M DERRY MURBLES,

FILLING IN FOR DAVID PARKER,

WHO TOOK OFF FOR EIGHT MONTHS

TO STUDY THE MIGRATION PATTERNS

OF OUR NATION'S SQUIRRELS.

WE HAVE NOT SEEN HIM SINCE.

MY GUEST TODAY IS AUTHOR LESLIE KNOPE.

THE GREATEST TOWN IN AMERICA.

I WROTE A BOOK.

THE FIRST HISTORICAL GUIDE TO PAWNEE.

I WROTE IT AS A REFERENCE FOR MYSELF,

BUT THEN, MY CAMPAIGN ADVISOR SAID

WE SHOULD MAKE IT A BIG, WIDE RELEASE.

SO WE HAD PEOPLE CONTRIBUTE,

WE ADDED PICTURES,

AND WE REMOVED A LOT OF MY POEMS

AND EMOTIONAL RAMBLINGS AND PICTURES OF UNICORNS,

AND HERE IT IS!

LESLIE, COULD ONE SAY THAT

A BOOK IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PAINTING OF WORDS,

WHICH ARE THE NOTES ON THE TAPESTRY

OF THE GREATEST FILM EVER SCULPTED?

ONE COULD SAY THAT.

BUT SHOULD ONE?

- JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN DAVID BIANCULLI

WILL BE FILLING IN FOR RICHARD CHANG-JEFFERSON,

WHO WILL BE FILLING IN FOR ME.

LESLIE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE US OUT?

OKAY.

"PLEASE ENJOY A SONG

"FROM THE LESBIAN AFRO-NORWEGIAN FUNK DUO,

NEFERTITI'S FJORD."

*

OH, WOW. THEY ARE TERRIBLE.

- OH, YES. TH-THEY'RE QUITE AWFUL.

BUT THEY ARE LESBIANS, SO--

*

- USUALLY, I ONLY READ NAUTICAL NOVELS

AND MY OWN PERSONAL MANIFESTOS,

BUT I'M PROUD TO MAKE THIS EXCEPTION.

THANK YOU, RON.

I EXPECT ALL OF YOU TO BUY ADDITIONAL COPIES.

BUT I WANTED THE FIRST ONE THAT YOU OWNED

TO BE DELIVERED AND SIGNED BY ME.

- GOD, THIS GOES ON FOR, LIKE, SEVEN PAGES!

- I STARTED THINKING ABOUT YOU AS A WOMAN,

AND AS A PERSON, AND I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

- OKAY, MINE JUST SAYS, "GET WELL SOON."

AREN'T YOU SICK?

NO.

SOMETHING'S OFF.

LESLIE, I LOVED YOUR BOOK.

I READ IT COVER TO COVER. - WOW.

I JUST GAVE IT TO YOU AN HOUR AGO.

I'M A SPEED READER.

I CAN READ OVER 3,000 WORDS A MINUTE

WITH TOTAL COMPREHENSION.

ONE TIME, I READ ALL OF SIDDHARTH AT A TRAFFIC STOP.

PAWNEE'S MOST NOTORIOUS BUSINESSMAN IN THE BUILDING.

I BROUGHT SOME ENTERTAINMENT 720 PILLOWCASES

FOR YOUR PILLOW.

- "NEVER STOP DREAMING." TOM HAVERFORD.

- "I NEVER DO." CHRIS TRAEGER.

- RESPECT. GAME RECOGNIZE GAME.

- TOM, I HAVE PAWNEE TODAY IN AN HOUR.

WAS MY BOOK SELECTED FOR JOAN'S BOOK CLUB?

- JOAN CALLAMEZZO HAS A BOOK CLUB?

JOAN CALLAMEZZO STARTED

A BOOK CLUB FOUR YEARS AGO.

AND NOW SHE IS THE LITERARY TASTEMAKER IN THE TOWN.

THE TIME-TRAVELER'S OPTOMETRIST,

BY PAWNEE'S OWN PENELOPE FOSTER.

A HEARTWARMING STORY ABOUT A CAVEMAN EYE DOCTOR

WHO TRAVELS TO PRESENT-DAY CINCINNATI

AND CAN SEE EVERYTHING BUT LOVE.

UNREADABLE.

THEN JOAN SLAPS HER STICKER ON IT,

BEST SELLER, FOUR YEARS IN A ROW.

YOU TOLD ME YOU COULD GET ME THAT STICKER.

DID YOU GET IT? - I'M TRYING, LESLIE.

BUT JOAN GOT AN ANONYMOUS TIP

THAT THERE'S A FACTUAL INACCURACY

IN YOUR BOOK.

- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I CHECKED EVERY DETAIL WITH THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY.

DID SHE SAY WHAT IT WAS?

SHE WON'T TELL ME.

I THINK SHE WANTS ONE OF HER BIG "GOTCHA" MOMENTS.

- WELL, SHE'S NOT GONNA GETCH ME.

I FOUND NO INACCURACIES.

- JOAN CALLAMEZZO CLAIMS THERE IS A MISTAKE IN MY BOOK,

WHICH THERE IS NOT,

AND SO NOW, SHE'S TRYIN' TO GET ME

ON A TINY TECHNICALITY.

SO JUST IN CASE THERE IS A MISTAKE,

WHICH THERE IS NOT,

I NEED ALL OF YOU FACT-CHECKING

EVERY SINGLE DETAIL.

JERRY, I NEED YOU TO HIT THE ROAD

AND RE-INTERVIEW EVERYONE WHO LIVES OUT OF TOWN.

ON IT, BOSS.

- THE REST OF YOU, CALL ME

AS SOON AS YOU FIND THE MISTAKE

THAT DOES NOT EXIST.

- DO YOU THINK THERE'S ACTUALLY A MISTAKE IN HERE?

I DOUBT IT.

IF THERE'S ONE THING LESLIE'S NOT,

IT'S SLOPPY.

SHE'S ALSO NOT BRIEF.

THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER.

IT'S JUST US, I HOPE.

I WISH.

HEY, GUYS!

READY TO DO SOME FACT-CHECKIN'?

- HERE WE GO. HELPING LESLIE.

OKEY-DOKE.

- HI. JOAN CALLAMEZZO.

- OH, YEAH. HI. BEN WYATT.

W-WE'VE MET.

I DON'T THINK SO.

- YEAH, I WAS ON YOUR SHOW.

NOPE.

- * I'M TRYIN' TO FIND THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS GIRL *

* WITHOUT BEIN' DISRESPECTFUL -

GETTING THE BOOK

INTO JOAN'S BOOK CLUB WILL REALLY HELP LESLIE.

BUT IT'LL ALSO HELP MY COMPANY, ENTERTAINMENT 720.

AT THE RISK OF BRAGGING,

ONE OF THE THINGS I'M BEST AT

IS RIDING COATTAILS.

BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN...

IS ME, SMILING AND TAKING PARTIAL CREDIT.

NOW, ABOUT LESLIE'S BOOK.

AM I GONNA BE HAPPY?

- WE'LL SEE, WON'T WE? OOH!

- WOW, YOU GUYS ARE REALLY CUTE TOGETHER.

- BEN, I'M CUTE TOGETHER WITH EVERYBODY.

ANYONE FIND ANY MISTAKES?

YEAH, ACTUALLY.

IN HERE, IT SAYS THAT PAWNEE IS GREAT.

BUT IN REALITY, IT'S TERRIBLE.

- LET TOM KNOW WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING.

- HEY, I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING A NEW PHONE.

DO YOU GUYS LIKE YOUR PHONES?

- I'VE NEVER USED A PHONE IN MY LIFE.

- WHAT ABOUT YOU, RON? DO YOU LIKE YOUR PHONE?

HERE'S MY GOAL.

I'M GONNA GET THESE TWO PEOPLE

THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME

TO TALK TO ME FOR FIVE MINUTES.

WHO AM I KIDDING?

ONE MINUTE.

ONE MINUTE WOULD BE AMAZING.

SO, LESLIE.

YOU'RE A REAL NATIVE OF PAWNEE, AREN'T YOU?

- YES, I WAS BORN AND RAISED HERE, JOAN.

AND I LOVE THE TOWN SO MUCH,

I LITERALLY WROTE THE BOOK ON IT.

I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE.

AND ALSO, IN THIS HAND, RIGHT HERE,

I HAVE A STICKER.

WHICH, WHEN APPLIED, LEGALLY DETERMINES

THE NEWEST SELECTION OF JOAN'S BOOK CLUB.

- - UH...OH...WHOA!

WHERE-- OVER HERE?

BACK HERE?

WHERE IS IT NOW? - COME ON, STICK IT.

- OOH. OH, HANG ON--

- STICK THE STICKER. STICK THE ST--

- NO, NO, NO. NOT SO FAST.

WE RECEIVED A TIP THAT YOU,

LESLIE "BORN AND RAISED" KNOPE,

WERE NOT BORN IN PAWNEE.

WHAT?

GOTCHA!

AND BECAUSE YOU LIED ABOUT IT,

WE CANNOT MAKE THIS A BOOK CLUB SELECTION.

I WAS BORN IN PAWNEE.

I'D STAKE MY REPUTATION ON IT.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

THIS FEELS LIKE GOTCHA JOURNALISM.

IN WHAT WAY?

- THAT WAY. YOU PUT "GOTCHA" ON MY FACE.

WHERE WAS LESLIE KNOPE ACTUALLY BORN?

PAWNEE!

- WE WILL PULL OUT THE WORLD MAP

AND SPECULATE WILDLY.

* JOAN GOTCHA

- OH, GOD. NOT THE GOTCHA DANCERS.

* BETCHA THOUGHT YOU'D

* GET AWAY WITCHA

* BUTCHA GOT CAUGHT, DIDN'T YA? *

* JOAN GOTCHA