Alex & the List

Whoo!

Shit.

You know, I think that...

- They asked me to, right? - No.

You know?

The hill?

It's good you're late.

You're getting too thin. Eat something.

Where is she?

I became completely gluten-free,

which for me was a definite journey.

Wait, was this because of an allergy?

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

Oh, that's good. I'd be so concerned.

There's a lot of food that has gluten.

You're spectacular.

And you're sweaty.

- - Stop it.

- Stop it. -

Stop it!

Stop, stop, stop it!

Oh! Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Sorry. Stop it.

- Oh! -

He's brilliant with dogs. He coaches them professionally.

May I?

- Oh, my. - Here we go.

- - There we go.

Aw.

All right. You see, she...

She thinks my shoe hitting the floor is an act of God.

Now she associates that unpleasant noise with barking.

- - She's actually really sweet.

No one has ever called my dog sweet.

- - You must be Alex.

Uh, you must be Victoria.

- Yes. -

Are you all right?

Yeah, just a little allergic.

I'll be fine.

You are going to come with me.

I'm going to show you off.

- - Hello, everybody.

Really see it. Picture it. Picture a coin.

Picture a coin.

There we go.

What would be really great...

is if it were something...

...that I could give to my lady.

- Oh! '

You know, I'm starting to like your, uh,

bizarre, insane...

sometimes pretentious friends.

Well, you know, there's some very talented,

powerful people here.

- Yeah? -

There he is. Hey, buddy.

- - How you doing?

Dave, what a sight?

Oh. Uh-huh.

Oh. Hey.

This is a great party, really.

- Okay. Thank you. -

You do realize that he presses up against me,

he rubs back and forth, pressing his chest into my boobs, right?

He-He's just really excited to see you.

I'll talk to him. Again.

Hmm. I'm getting myself another martini.

Anyone want anything?

A Sapphire and tonic.

Cosmopolitan.

Alex, how about a real drink?

Are you fine with your non-alcoholic gay cranberry thing?

It's not gay.

When one person doesn't drink, it's such a buzzkill.

It brings everyone down.

- Hmm. - Okay.

I look like a piece of shit next to her.

No, you don't.

I do.

Was I charming and likable?

Captivating.

I think I am in love with her.

Wow.

That's huge. You hate women.

True. I come from a long line of women-haters.

My grandmother didn't like women,

my mother didn't, and I don't.

But Katherine,

I mean, she has a beautiful voice,

a nice laugh, no irritating quirks,

and a good enough personality.

She's perfect, right?

And I love that she doesn't despise me

like your other girlfriends.

Remember Robyn?

I will never forget her.

She looked at me with that homicidal glare in her eye.

Yeah. She was a great cook.

She was.

Well, I mean,

why isn't Katherine with one of these

handsome, wealthy guys then?

Because she doesn't want the good-looking studs.

She wants you.

She loves your old-fashioned sense of chivalry.

You're a gentleman.

All right.

- Check this out. - Hmm?

Oh...

Oh, my God. Alex.

It's stunning.

It's my grandmother's.

Wow.

When are you gonna give it to her?

What's going on in here?

Uh, um...

Michael's had too much to drink.

They have to do this shot exactly at nine o'clock, so...

Yeah, I'm on another IVF cycle.

- The seventh one. - Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, at least you have Nicky.

I know, but, um,

one is just not enough.

You'll see.

You know what? Let me do it.

I bet I can do it better.

I bet she can.

I mean, I'm sure this is fun for you in some way, but...

All right.

Oh, you poor thing.

Make sure you blow on it.

Okay.

Just stick it in.

Slowly.

I have to ask you, Lily.

How did you know that Michael was the one?

That is a very good question.

And I think I know where you're going.

Okay.

I discovered when you have to make a tough decision,

you do it from the heart.

I know, most people think

the heart is purely an emotional organ,

but it's not.

It's actually quite cold and unemotional.

It's logical, but it knows what's best.

More than the brain sometimes.

You just... you have to know what you want in a man.

You could even write it down.

He is not going to propose.

Yes, he is.

He's a child.

Hangs onto you like you're his mommy.

Runs to you when there is the slightest crisis.

I can see why you only dated him three times.

Actually, it was four.

And he pretends Nicky's his son. He's my boy.

He's lonely.

He doesn't have any family.

I know he doesn't.

And I want him to get there.

- Hmm. You smell good. - Hmm.

You know Katherine's not gonna put up with this.

Why do you?

Because I have... this.

You and Dave are so different.

Yeah. He's one of those friends you inherit from childhood.

There for life.

I'm sorry.

I know he's crude.

But he looks out for me,

and I look out for him.

Come here, buddy.

Come here.

Use it up, buddy.

Use it up.

Use it up.

Hey.

Mail?

Good boy!

Good boy. Bring it here.

Bring it here, bud.

Good boy.

Remember Katherine's brother? Gary?