Tummy Monster

(MAN SPEAKS WITH AMERICAN ACCENT) "You awake?"

Yeah.

"Tales?"

Yes. Who's this?

"Truth. I represent a client in need of an immediate tattoo."

Alright.

"My client is an extremely successful and well-known musician."

"How soon can you be at the shop?"

Er...

"He can pay."

Er... er, 20 minutes?

Er...

I can be there in... 20 minutes.

See you in 20.

What?

Shh.

For fuck's sake...

OK...

Fucking hell!

Alright?

You must be Tales?

Yeah.

I'm not late, am I?

We said 20 minutes.

And that was like 12, 13 minutes,

so if we said 20 minutes, I'm not late...

We were outside when we called.

Tales. Nice to meet you.

Truth.

Truth, we spoke on the phone.

Yeah.

- Tales. - Yeah.

And this man needs no introduction.

Oh...

Hi, Tales.

Nice to meet you.

Hey...

You gonna invite us inside?

Sorry. Yeah, yeah.

Come in. I was...

Yeah, yeah. Come in.

Er... (CLEARS HIS THROAT) Make yourself at home.

Er, sorry about the mess and everything, I've...

I'm helping a mate move flats,

so his shit's in the corner.

Can you turn that off?

Yeah. Yeah, no problem, man. No problem.

So, can I get you guys some drinks?

Tea? Coffee? Beer? Whisky?

Vodka?

You're a bubblegum man.

What?

Me too.

Oh!

Yeah, yeah...

Cool.

Well, there's an interesting energy here.

Thanks, man.

You think it's the right fit?

Let's take a picture. Let's see.

Uh-huh.

Um...

This might be the one.

- Give me some. - Mm-hm.

- Give me some. - Mm.

Go ahead.

Ahh!

- Woo-hoo! - It's a fit, right?

It's a fit, baby.

Give me more smoke. Give me some smoke.

Ah...

- Just like we talked about. - Just like we talked about.

Here, do you...

Do you mind if I, er...

Do you mind if I get a... a little photograph too?

My, er

my niece, she's a

she's like a big fan, or whatever.

Sure. Step right up.

Give it a try, yeah.

Cool, cool.

Yeah, she's gonna

she's gonna love this shit, man. She's, er...

But, er...

Sorry, sorry, just...

Can't find my cam... Yup, there we go. OK, cool.

Hey, Tales.

Yeah.

Down there. That's the best spot.

Yeah, man. I was thinking I was gonna...

You know what, I really think down there is the best spot.

- Trust me. - Yeah, yeah.

- Like, boom? - Mm-hm.

- Yeah, OK. - Could go

a little lower.

- Lower? - Uh-huh.

Yeah?

Get that angle, that shot, you know?

- OK, cool. - You know?

- Yeah, OK. Like... - A little lower.

- OK... - There you go.

You know what?

A little lower.

Lower than this?

- I'm... I'm trying to help you. - Lower than this?

Help get that shot, come on.

Yeah? OK... (LAUGHS)

Alright, here we go.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, alright.

- No, it does look good. - There you go.

OK, cool.

So your niece, huh?

Yeah.

What's her name?

Er, her name's Lola.

Alright, here we go. Three, two, one...

You know what, maybe we do this after?

You know?

Hey, Tales!

What's happening in there?

Nothing. I'll... I'll be right out.

I can hear the urine stream's ended, man.

Yeah, just a minute.

Don't be just lurking in the bathroom

when there's a man out here that needs inked.

So, how did you hear about me?

I told you, he's meditating.

Don't talk to him whilst he's meditating.

Just gonna add some really fine detail.

What?

What is it?

If I needed glasses to do my job,

I would wear the glasses to do my job.

From the start.

That phone hasn't stopped ringing since you came out the bathroom.

You don't find that distracting?

No.

You're not curious who's calling you in the middle of the night?

No.

Well, I'm curious, Tales.

You send that picture to somebody?

You know I did. I sent it to my niece.

In the middle of the night?

Yeah.

How old is she, Tales?

Six.

No, seven.

What's her name?

What the fuck is this?

Why are you interrogating me?

I told you,

her name's Lola.

You've got some murky shit going on.

I can sense it.

Relax, T.

I got this.

Besides,

Tales is doing a good job.

Who's Francesca, Tales?

Your murky shit better not splatter on us, motherfucker.

So, what's the verdict? Are we happy?

Just give me a minute.

I'm... assimilating.

I need to, er

take a piss.

Don't be long, man. (DOOR SHUTS)

"Oh, hi."

Oh, hi. What's happening?

"Well, you tell me."

"Why are you sending pictures of random men"