Born Beautiful

TRANSGENDER DIES AT CORONATION!

There you go. The makeup is done.

I must say, you have a different aura now.

You look so fresh and your skin is glowing!

-This is still me. -Of course.

Oh my. I have too much blush on.

What are you doing? You need that. Vitamin B for blush.

You're so pale. That gives you some color.

My eyebrows are too thick. They looked better before.

Don't be silly. They look fine.

My bra is too tight.

-My breasts are so heavy. -Give them to me.

You wanted big breasts, remember?

Why so fussy? Are you menstruating?

-Aren't you supposed to be dead? -Ouch.

-So what if I'm dead? -Nothing.

So Heaven let you in looking like that?

Secret.

When I die, I don't want to end up in hell.

You are so emo nowadays!

Since I died, you've been so emotional.

What's the matter with you? Go and get dressed.

We are going to be late for the pageant.

Smile! What's your problem? Being gay?

I don't like the way I look.

What?

That gay is crazy... Oh my!

My goodness! Why do you look like that?

You look like a lesbian selling milk.

Goodness, Barbs. What happened?

I am not Barbs. My name is Bobby. I'm a man. I'm straight.

Wow.

Really?

You have boobs!

You're gay.

-So I'm gay, huh? -Yes.

Trish, I still can't get over losing you.

Why did God take you during the pageant?

Did you have to die the moment you were crowned?

I miss you so much, my best friend.

- Barbshie! -What?

Let's go, Barbshie! It's my time to shine!

It's too early in the morning for all this noise!

It's time! I'm ready for my treening.

What "treening"? It's "training"?

How will you get past the Q&A?

Let's go! Let's do this.

Go ahead. I'll just freshen up.

-Don't take too long. -OK.

Mother of All Gays, pray for me.

Idiot! Get out of here!

-See you downstairs? -Yes.

Let's begin the practice.

Whoever gives the best introduction

to these countries

will be declared the winner.

- Are you ready, girls? - Ready!

I feel. You feel. We feel. Feel-ippines!

Very good.

Hungry, dizzy, lost Malay-sia!

You keep talking but no one's asking you! Nepal!

What? I can't agree to that! Nor-way!

Since you both whistled, you both should answer.

Good luck!

Seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine, Haiti!

Let go of him, he's mine.

I don't want a ka-Haiti!

The following program is rated Fiji!

Eat slowly. Don't act like you're starving.

Don't be Fiji.

Stop it. I'm very tired.

I've lost my Ghana! (enthusiasm).

Pick a question.

If you were to choose,

do you want to be beautiful but not so smart,

or smart but not so beautiful?

- Yes. -Yes what?

Yes... Can you change the question, please?

Princess, just pick. Beauty or brains?

Duh! Beauty.

- Why beauty? - Why not? And I thank you.

OK. Contestant number two.

Are you in favor of death penalty?

Move!

I am not in favor of death penalty because I believe

that everyone has the capacity to change for the better.

Everyone! And I mean everyone...

deserves unlimited chances to become a better human being,

because in the end, only God can judge us.

- Thank you. - Very good answer!

Gays? Hey!

Are you just going to chitchat all day?

Barbs! Kennie!

You're always talking about the pageant!

There is work to do downstairs. You have corpses to make over!

Yes, Mama Flora!

Go home, Princess. Practice some more.

I got all my titles because I trained a lot.

What sort of questions are those?

Pick one.

How many toilets are there in the entire Philippines?

Is that serious? You have to count all the toilets in the country?

What a difficult question.

Listen, everyone. Watch and learn.

A beautiful question should be given a beautiful answer

by an incredibly beautiful candidate such as myself.

How many toilets are there in the Philippines?

I believe there are three.

One for men, one for women and one for persons with disability.

I thank you.

You are a winner, Mama Flora. You are a legend.

-You are a living monument. -Oh, stop it.

You should be taking care of the Santacruzan parade.

-It's fast approaching. -I'm excited about that, mother!

Now, stop this nonsense or I'll yank your pubes!

Let's go, the dead are waiting!

-Yes. Come on. - Follow me.

Come on. Hurry.

I know Barbs.

She was the makeup artist of her best friend, Trisha?

I saw you on the news.

Thanks. What can we do for you?

What about Angelina Jolie? How much?

-To look like Angelina, it's Php 7,000 -That's expensive.

It's Angelina Jolie!

We can do Katy Perry for Php 5,000.

Taylor Swift for Php 5,000.

Mariah Carey for Php 5,000.

Still quite expensive.

Kim Kardashian for Php 3,500.

-Kim...? -Yes.

How about Kim Delos Santos for only Php 350?

Let's not go local. My child would prefer Hollywood.

- She's choosy. -How much is your budget?

- Five hundred pesos. -What?

My goodness! Five hundred?

Barbs, do you have a 500-peso look?

Consider it an act of charity.

Share your blessings.

We don't accept proposals like that.

We are a business.

My child!

- She's already dead. -My child!

Did your daughter like Lady Gaga?

- Oh, yes! -Barbs!

Immediately.

I can do that for free. Just pay for the funeral services.

- I'll take care of her look. -No!

Business is business!

It's OK. Just deduct it from my salary.

-Suit yourself! -Don't you feel sorry for her?

Let's take a look so we can start the makeover.

You're heaven-sent, Barbs!

Here we go. Viewing...

- -Goodness!

Why does she look like that? Why is her mouth twisted?

Sorry about that. She was pooping when she had a stroke.

Barbs? This is going to take too long.

The parade is tomorrow. We need to prepare,

-dress up, put on makeup... -

It's Lady Gaga, right? I got this.

Are you sure this is Lady Gaga?

Yes, Mommy. That's Lady Gaga circa 2009 VMA MTV Awards.

My child, I hope you are very happy.

They did a great job transforming you.

- Thank you. - Barbs! Where are my red curtains?

Oh, hush! Your curtains don't cost much.

It wasn't a big loss.

What do you mean? What did you do? What is that?

It looks like a huge menstrual flow.

Mother!

I mean, your daughter is one huge, very beautiful menstrual flow,

-and you are her sanitary napkin. -Idiot.

The participants of the parade are here.

- -

-Where's your escort? -Gregory isn't here?

It's up to you. We need to start soon.

Gregory, where are you? The parade is about to start.

What? But you promised.

Please, Gregory!

No queen has ever walked alone.

Gregory! Hello? The connection is breaking up. Gregory!

Gregory.

You don't need an escort to be a queen.

Don't cry!

Your makeup will go to waste. It's a shame, you're so pretty.

Your boyfriend is a jerk.

I told you if I were straight, I'd get you pregnant.

Really now?

I told you, there are plenty of men out there.

You can have my partner.

-Or mine. There he is. -

Girls, I'm fine.

I am not going to let Gregory ruin the queen's last walk.

-"Last"? -"Last"?

Yes, next year, it will be your turn, Princess.

-Really? -Yes. It's your turn.

I hope this inspires you to win those pageants.

Yes, Barbshie!