Alanis Morissette: Feast on Scraps

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Don't use that one. It's icky.

God doesn't make mistakes very often,

but when he does,

you have to throw them right in the trash.

- Oh. - Does this make sense

To anyone else?

White dress, $30.

White wedding dress, $200.

Is there cocaine in this or something?

Yeah. The wedding industry's a racket.

Oh, you think everything is a racket.

And that is the last of it, Glenn.

Wow. Hmm.

I'm just gonna say what we all thinking.

This is pretty as hell.

Oh, it's 8:00.

Ooh, wait. Uh, hold on.

I just want to move that.

That's not in center.

That should be in center.

Oh, no, no.

Well, that was a good use of the last five hours.

They realize they're basically just fighting over a white net

with glitter on it, right?

Mm, I got five bucks on the blonde.

Yeah, I'll take that action.

How are there already this many go backs?

We've been open for five minutes.

Oh, I'm actually here as a customer today.

How do I look?

Ooh, wow.

Aw, that's hella nice, yo.

Yo, where's the laptops at?

We need, like, five or six of those things.

My band is playing at our wedding.

Yeah, we're gonna smash computers as part of the act

'cause, you know, like, technology.

Uh... Wow.

That sounds like an expensive celebration you're planning.

It's about 500 people.

I wanted to invite more,

but I couldn't afford any more stamps.

I bet your parents are all, like,

"Don't spend all your money on one day!

Save some for the baby."

Parents.

Nah. Five G's, son.

Yo, what's up? Making it rain!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stand down. Drop that paper, yo.

It's mine.

Where did you get all of that?

Bo got hit by a car in the seventh grade

By an old lady.

She was legally blind and super drunk.

Isn't he lucky?

Yeah, your boy here was just crossing the street,

then it was like, crash!

Oh, going to the light.

I'm like, "No god. Later.

I got stuff to accomplish. Later, light."

I pick up a phone.

"Yo, Hello, Lawyer?"

"Yo, settle out of court?

I think so. Yes."

Wha-chaah. Money.

Ha-ha!

So you just walk around with $5,000 in your pocket?

That's right. I always got that right here.

Uh-oh. Where's that five G's?

Yo, I was just kidding, dummies.

I got that right here. Oh, no.

Yo, where's it at, for real?

It's right there.

Oh.

Oh, what's up?

Good looking out, yo.

Please don't tip me.

Ma'am, I have the arm strength of a chimp,

but there is just too much real estate back here.

I'd have to dislocate your shoulder.

Do it.

Okay.

But you'll have to teach one of your bridesmaids

to do this on the day.

And they actually have money saved up,

but instead of using it to pay for the baby,

they're gonna blow it all on some big party.

What?

Two 17-year-olds are making a bad decision?

What?

I thought that only happened in the movies.

I'm just saying that I wish somebody had warned me

Not to spend so much money on a wedding.

I'm telling you.

People do not like to be told how to spend their money.

Really?

So does that mean you'll stop telling me

To call your "Dad's friend?"

That's about making you money,

and if you saw the charts that he showed me...

Oh, yeah. The charts.

Hi. Where are the twinkly white lights?

It's an outdoor ceremony, so they have to be weatherproof.

- I will take you to them. - Thank you.

Which one of you is the lucky fella?

Oh, well, actually, we both are.

I love that!

The four of you can celebrate

Your anniversary together every year.

- No... - Congratulations

- On your wedding! - Yes.

To each other.

- To... - Yeah.

Oh!

Outdoor lighting is in aisle four.

If you need anything else, just ask.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

Have a heavenly day!

Thank you.

I don't know how,

but you really seem to have a handle on this whole gay,

you know...

Oh!

That's great, Mateo!

Congratulations on that.

You know, I thought you might be,

But I-I wasn't sure,

and then I forgot about it.

But now I know, and that's terrific with me.

Yeah.

Oh, bam!

I'm about to blow up this alien so bad.

Whoa. Oh.

Chey, you know babies come with lots of expenses...

Is what your dumb parents would say.

Remember, from before?

Aah, parents.

- Oh. - Yeah.

But your parents do make a good point.

Well, my mom said that we should save some money,

but then, Bo is all like, "Nah," so it's a tough call.

Dang! Those aliens are smart as hell!

You want to go back to shopping?

- Yes. - Hey, guys.

You want to play a different game?

Blam!

- Diapers! - Boom!

- Wipes! - Blast!

- Bottle warmer. - Headshot!

- More diapers. - Poo-poo!

- Breast pump. - Squirt, squirt!

- Diaper bag. - Pew, pew!

See you in hell, cute baby stuff.

Bo, you're killing them all!

And time's up.

What's up? 2,500 points!

Your boy here is getting a Charleston Chew!

Actually, those aren't points.

Those are dollars, and that's how much this stuff costs.

This stuff is $2,500?

That's, like, half of Bo's stack.

Plus a car seat and a crib and daycare,

and it just keeps coming.

Dang.

I'm gonna have to get hit by so many cars.

Maybe we should save some of our wedding money

for the future.

Huh, yeah.

You could do that.

You do have to make some sacrifices

When you're a parent.

I mean, your whole life changes.

Bo, you look weird.

Yeah. Hey.

But I think it's great

That you guys are starting to think about being...

Aah!

- Hey, look out. - Bo?

Excuse me. Oh, sorry.

Bo?

I was gonna say "responsible."

Where did you go? Please come back.

I love you.

It's Cheyenne, by the way.

Hey, you had to go freak the little dummy out?

Well, it's not my fault.

Oh, she's right.

She was just teaching us this fun game

about how expensive and scary it is to have a baby.

What if he never comes back?

He will. He's gonna come back.

He will!

And you know what?

If he doesn't,

That wouldn't be the worst thing...

Going right back at it, huh?

Okay.

You know what? Um... I'll go look for him.