Family Affairs (Der Nachname)

This is us.

The Böttcher family.

My son Thomas, a real estate agent, and his girlfriend Anna...

an aspiring actress,

with their daughter and my granddaughter, Paula.

-What? - Thomas thought Paula would be a boy.

-He announced another name as a joke. -Adolf.

-His humour takes some getting used to. -Very funny.

This is my daughter Elisabeth, a teacher,

and her husband Stephan Berger, a literature professor.

You are the incarnate proof of an ailing educational mandate.

Fuck you!

I won't take that from someone who named his kids Cajus and Antigone!

And then there's my adopted son,

René, an often misunderstood creative soul.

You think I'm gay.

I'm not gay.

However, René is no longer just my adopted son,

he is much more.

We've fallen in love and are now a couple.

Yes, seriously.

I'm with Dorothea.

-I was just as surprised as the others. -Dorothea who?

Your mother.

After my husband Paul's death, this new love just felt right.

Since then, Thomas has had strong emotions towards Rene'.

Tempers have calmed in the meantime

and the family can turn the page on that chapter.

Screw you all!

I've invited everyone to our house on Lanzarote.

Because we have some news.

FAMILY AFFAIRS

Boy, that was rough.

-Oh, laugh it off. -I can't.

-The landing was horrible. -Now where do I get my suitcase?

-At the baggage conveyor? -It weighed eight kilos at home.

Then, at the airport, it was 8.3.

Too heavy for carry-on. Something's fishy.

I bet Lissy messed with your scale.

I'll weigh it again and get my 30 euros back.

-They picked on the wrong guy. -Or the right one.

Right, I'll get a rental car, okay?

How could they be so idiotic as to leave my suitcase in Cologne?

Probably so I can't weigh it.

Wicked landscape.

-Like the moon. -Wait until you see the house.

It's the most beautiful place on earth, right?

-Yes. -Dad loved it. He worked here for weeks.

I sat on his lap,

we looked out at the vineyard and he said, "This will all be yours."

-Excuse me? -Yes, okay. And Elisabeth's.

And he said, "One day you'll sit here with your son and say the same thing."

-I have a son and a daughter. -That's different.

Oh, really?

-Shame Josefa isn't around anymore. -Who's she?

Our housekeeper.

-She'd have cooked something yummy. -Sadly, she passed away.

Aha! There's such a thing as the EU Flight Compensation Regulation...

Any idea what Mum wants to tell us?

-No. -I hope she's not ill or something.

No, she would have just told me that on the phone.

They hope I'll call the 1.99 euros a minute hotline, that's four marks!

Just to get my property back!

Or she's giving you a living will. My parents did that.

Mum's only interested in papers to roll joints with.

-This scam is their top revenue earner. -What then?

They probably want to announce they're marrying.

Then I'd prefer her to be ill.

I'd like to get through one family gathering without any drama.

-Thomas? -Yes!

8.3 kilos!

I can't believe it.

-Hey! -So glad that you're finally here!

-Isn't the weather just a dream? -Hey.

Man, it's such a shame Paula isn't here.

Sorry it took so long. Stephan had trouble with his bag.

Now that's his only corduroy suit.

Joke all you want, but I would like to put on fresh clothes.

-It'd smell better too. -Yes, get it out of your system.

The laugh is always on the loser, huh? I can give you some eau de toilette.

It's not that bad.

-I'll take the luggage up to my room. -Your room?

Oh, no. That's out of the question.

-Why is that? -It's René's refuge.

-His refuge? -Yes.

-In my room? -No one's allowed in, not even me.

Okay.

Cool, then we'll take the guest room, obviously.

-And us? -Upstairs is nicer.

-Those are the Queen's quarters. -What's she doing there?

And if we share the guest room?

Usually not a problem, but we're working on Paul.

-Paula's brother. -He wants a boy.

-A real child. -Stop!

Yes, when I have an heir.

-But you're welcome to watch. -No thanks.

I'm sleeping in the hammock anyway.

Here. The dining room.

Our bedroom. But what I really wanted to show you are the little windows.

They're post/gas.

Girls used to receive their admirers by them a century ago.

They could only see each other's faces.

-That's how they met their husbands. -Tinder in the 1800s.

The canarios taught me that. It comes with living here.

You learn Spanish, hear stories.

-You're all set here. -Thanks to Dorothea. Come on.

Mamacita.

Strange not having the little one around.

I'm like, "Fuck! Where's Paula?"

I'm sure that's normal the first time your baby isn't with you.

-Relax. -I'll try.

It shouldn't be an issue with this view. It's awesome.

What is this anyway?

Socos, to protect the vines.

Winegrowers only need patience. The vines grow of their own accord.

No need to water them.

It only takes patience to reap life's sweet fruits.

Wicked!

Where are our family photos?

It was time for something new. A breath of fresh air.

Not all that ancient stuff.

-And you like those, or what? -René likes them.

Hands off!

Mum, who is the girl out in the garden?

Josefa's daughter.

That's Lucia?

No way.

She's all grown up now.

She looks after the vineyard and helps in the garden.

What about that other gardener lady? What's her name?

René.

Gardening isn't for him. He's got sensitive hands.

I could've guessed that.

-Ibérico de balleto. -De bellota.

Yes, like I said. It's a typical ham from here.

Thanks, Rene, we've been here a few times.

How nice that we're together again. Almost like the good old days.

Mm! The bouquet.

Cajus and Antigone are in England? Shows you how big they are.

-At a private school. -Wow, great.

-It must be expensive. -The dumber the kids, the more you pay.

The others, not Cajus and Antigone.

You still don't have Wi-Fi, huh?

We enjoy the solitude and each other's company.

-Just in case Cajus and Antigone call. -That'd be a first.

All the more important not to miss it. Ah, there's mail.

-For me? -No, for Dorothea, but not Böttcher.

-Who then? -Just put it there.

Apparently another Dorothea lives here. Dorothea König.

Anyone know her?

I got a letter like that too recently. Elisabeth Bregner-Böttcher.

Bregner-Böttcher.

Strange that something like that can happen in the digital age.

It's not a typo, but a Dorothea with René's surname.

True, that's a little different.

-Who is it from? -Bonn clerk's office.

That is strange. The clerk's office really should know.

Why are they even writing you?

-We'll tell you that later. -Don't keep us in suspense.

Out With it.

Ham, anyone?

Now I'm curious too.

Only tax offices work there. They address correctly too.

-What could it be? -Keep us in suspense.

Right.

We wanted to announce this later with a glass of champagne,

but since we're at it anyway...

we got married.

Ta-da!

-What do you mean you "got married"? -Yes, what do you mean?

It...

Well, they tied the knot, entered holy matrimony.

That's right.

When? Where?

In May. Here, it was very romantic.

-On the beach. -Fuck. I knew it.

-Just like that? -No, not just like that.

René proposed to me, first, with the whole works.

But you married without the works.

-At least without us. -Oh, just leave them.

You leave me! My mother marries my brother and I'm not invited.

Stepbrother.

Okay, I didn't want any drama.

If it's any consolation, I wasn't invited either.

I can understand you, but me?

-What's that mean? -You socked René.

-When you found out about them. Forgot? -Nose is still crooked. Right, René?

-I think it's awesome. -Me too.

-Congratulations. -Thanks.

-Thanks. -I mean it.

-Congrats. -Thank you.

Congratulations. But I am a little offended.

Dorothea wanted to invite you, but, Thomas, your disdain is obvious.

Elisabeth, since we've been a couple we barely speak.

So what? We're family, you invite family.

Oh, don't be so formal. We'll do it next time.

Ha-ha!

It's not my fault we didn't speak. I could've used someone to talk to.

-You found a stand-in. -Not now, Stephan!

However it may be, we just wanted to celebrate our love.