Family Guy

Step right up. Step right up.

You won't believe your eyes.

Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.

What a rip-off. It's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style.

Boy, they've got some very unusual prizes at the carnival this year.

A winner! Congratulations, son.

You've won a genuine, live homosexual.

Where are we going? Wait! Don't tell me!

Oh, boy! Mom, can I keep him?

Well, it's a big responsibility, Chris.

That means you'll have to clean up after him and feed him.

What do you eat? Attention.

I like your hair.

Still hungry.

You have a beautiful speaking voice.

I'm full.

Let's see, I guess 185 pounds.

Wrong. I'm 95% helium.

Brian, look what I won.

Wow, what'd you win that for?

For having the best pig in the competition.

Wait, you bred a pig? Sure did.

Most genetically perfect one in the contest.

Oink.

Oh, my God!

Yes. He's something, isn't he?

Are those fists?

Damn right. Show him, pig.

How the hell did you do this?

I'll let you in on a little secret, Brian.

I didn't do it. I got it from a farm.

What the hell kind of farm breeds pigs like this?

Would you like to see it for yourself, Brian?

Yeah, I would. Good.

Because it's gonna blow your mind

like the stereopticon did to Americans in 1910.

Hey, I'm in New York City! No, I'm not.

Yes, I am. No, I'm not. Yes, I am!

What's going on here?

This is it, Brian. What's that?

It's how I got the pig.

You ever heard of the Multiverse Theory, Brian?

Of course I have, but I'm wondering if you have.

Oh, my God! So transparent.

Well, the theory states that there are an infinite number of universes

coexisting with ours on parallel dimensional planes.

Dimensional planes, right.

Oh, don't do that.

Don't repeat the last two words

like you already kind of knew what I was talking about.

You have no idea what I'm talking about.

Now, in each of these alternate universes,

the reality is different than our own.

Sometimes only slightly, sometimes quite radically.

The point is every possible eventuality exists.

And that's where you got the pig, in a parallel universe.

Prepare yourself, Brian, and I'll show you.

Where are we?

This is Quahog, Brian.

Same year, same time.

But in this universe, Christianity never existed.

Which means the Dark Ages of scientific repression never occurred

and thus, humanity is 1,000 years more advanced.

Ergo, muscular, genetically perfect pigs.

Hey, look. There's Quagmire.

Thanks, honey. Say hi to your husband.

Well, I got AIDS again. Better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS.

All gone.

What time do you suppose it is, Brian?

I don't know. About 3:30.

Watch the sidewalk.

My God! Is that Meg?

36-D, Brian.

And you know what's amazing?

In this universe, she's still one of the ugly ones.

If you saw Lois, your penis would shoot right off your body.

Come on. I'll show you around.

Hey, is there a bathroom around here?

You need to go pee or poop?

Poop. One poop removal.

Wow, did I just go poop?

You sure did. All digital.

Where does it go?

It gets beamed to another dimension.

Let me ask you this.

What about all the Renaissance art that Christianity inspired?

That was my first question, too.

Come on. Have a look at the Sistine Chapel.

Wow.

Yep. With no Christianity to inspire Michelangelo,

they gave the job to John Hinckley.

All right. You ready to go home now?

Are you kidding? This is amazing.

Can we see more universes?

Hmm. Well, I haven't tried yet, but I don't see why not.

Whoa! What's this place?

Yeah. This universe looks weird.

Yeah, it's cheap and somehow lazy.

Yabba dabba...

Rock-Peter?

Yes, Rock-Lois?

That was wonderful rock-sex we had last rock-night.

Yes. I enjoyed rocking you up the rock last night.

I know. I must've had four rock-gasms.

I'm glad you wore that rock-ring.

But we still always use a rock-phylactic.

I'm ribbeted for your pleasure.

Rock, yeah.

Oh, this looks like Spooner St.,

only something's not quite right.

According to the Multiverse Guide,

this is a universe where the United States never dropped the atomic bomb

on Hiroshima. So the Japanese just never quit.

Well, I think I've seen enough.

Let's get back to our universe.

All right. Off we go.

Home sweet home.

Peter. SAD LOIS: Peter.

What? SAD PETER: What?

Can you take out the trash?

'Cause it stinks in the kitchen.

Sure thing, Lois. Delighted to.

I get tired when I stand.

What the hell is this? This isn't our universe.

Apparently, this is a universe where everyone has two heads.

One happy, one sad.

Honey, have you seen Stewie?

I can't find him anywhere.

I sure have!

He's over there playing in the corner.

I want you to know I love you!

I'm trying to get excited about it.

This is too freaky. Why didn't that thing take us home?

I don't know! I told you, it hasn't been fully tested yet.

Well, we can't stay here, that's for sure.

And now back to Channel Five News at Six!

Quahog's lowest-rated newscast.

The president's dog just had puppies!

There was a plane crash.

Stewie, please tell me you know how to get us home.

Of course I know how to get us home!

What the hell? Stewie, what's going on?

From the look of it, I'm guessing this is Quahog

but during some sort of ice age.

Well, press the button! Get us out of here!

Uh-oh. I can't reach the device.

What? You're kidding!

Yep, get comfortable. I think we're gonna be here for a while.

Oh, look. There's your poop from the other universe.

Stewie, you got to get us out of here.

If we stay in here much longer,

we're either gonna freeze or starve.

I know. But I can't reach the device.

You try. You're closer to it.

Besides, you're stronger than I am.

Hey, what was that?

Well, you said I was stronger than you.

And that must have made me happy, so my tail started wagging.

Looks like it carved through the ice a bit.

Yeah, it did! Keep going.

Okay, let's see. You want to go for a walk?

It's working. Do more!

You want a treat? You want a treat, boy?

That's good! That's good! But you really have one, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. And we're going for that walk?

Oh, yeah, definitely. And I'll give you a bath!

No, no, no! Sorry, sorry.

I'll let you go for a ride in the car!

Oh, you better not be lying!

You want to sleep in the bed with us?

Yes! I never get to! It must be a special occasion.

You got it! You're through! Yes. All right, what do I do?

Just press the red button.

Okay, which one's red?

Press the big button!

This can't be it. This doesn't look familiar.

You're right, Brian.

Apparently, this is a universe

where everyone has to take a poop right just now.

Okay, Bill, you got those numbers? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, just leave them on my desk.

Okay, that works out fine for me.

Where's your desk? Doug knows where my desk is.

Craig, are you good with this?

Yeah, that should work out pretty good for me, too.

What the hell? What's happened to us? I don't know.

But suddenly, I feel all sweet and warm and fuzzy.

It seems we're in a universe where everything is drawn by Disney.

Look, there's our house!

Look how gaily we run!

Oh, Stewie and Brian, you're just in time for pie.

Did somebody say pie?

This is wonderful, Brian. Oh, let's live in this universe.

Gosh, it's pretty intoxicating, isn't it?

I want to hear more music about pie.