South Park

Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Aw, damn it! - What?

My Goddamn brother is trying to follow me to school again!

Suck my balls.

No, Ike, you can't come to school with me.

Yeah! Go home, you little dildo!

Dude, for the last time, don't call my brother a dildo!

All right, go home, you little semen-puking, asshole dickhead.

Ow! - Dude, sweet.

Yeah. Check it out. Ready, Ike?

Kick the baby!

Don't kick the Goddamn baby.

Kick the baby. - Waah.

Ow.

Whoa, Cartman.

Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.

That's because I was having these bogus nightmares

all night long.

Really? What about?

Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, in the dark,

when all of a sudden,

this bright blue light filled the room.

And slowly my bedroom door began to open.

And the next thing I remember,

I was being drug through a hallway.

Weak!

Then these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.

They had big heads and big, black eyes.

Dude, visitors! - Totally!

What?

That wasn't a dream, Cartman! Those were visitors!

No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.

Visitors are real. They...

Wait a minute. This has all happened before.

Yeah. This does seem really familiar.

What the Funk & Wagnalls are you talking about?

Cartman, don't you remember the last time you had this dream?

Shut up, you guys. You're just trying to scare me.

No, dude, this happened before!

Aliens put some device in you,

and we tied you up to a tree, and you went up on their ship.

You don't remember that? - No, I don't remember that!

You don't?

No, because the aliens erased my memory!

I remember this whole thing.

Ike tried to follow you to school, you kicked him,

then Cartman told us about his alien dream.

Yeah, and then Chef pulled up in his car.

Hello there, children!

And then you said...

What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?

Well, today it's Salisbury steak with hot buttered noodles...

...and a choice of green- bean salad or vegetable medley.

Weird.

Say, did any of you children...

...see the alien spaceship last night?

What the...

Chef, we're in a repeat!

A repeat?

Cartman was visited by aliens again last night,

and now it's like we're living a repeat of a previous day!

Oh, dude, I hate repeats.

I've been feeling déjà vu all morning, children.

I knew something strange was going on.

It all started when Cartman got an anal probe.

We have to get Eric to a proctologist right away.

What is a proc-tologist, Chef?

He's a doctor that specializes in your asshole, children.

You mean at some point in this doctor's life,

he decided he wanted to work on people's butt holes?

That's right. - What a dick.

Hello, everyone. - Hello, Doctor.

Thanks for seeing Eric on such short notice.

What seems to be the problem?

We just want you to take a look

and tell us if you see anything abnormal.

Other than its monstrous size.

Shut up, Kyle! Shut your goddamn mouth!

All right. Let's see here.

Oh my God! - What?

Why, there's a huge crack going right down the middle!

Ha ha. Very funny.

Like we haven't heard that one a zillion times.

All right. Let's take a look.

Hey! Just what the hell do you think you're doing?

Eric, the doctor has to feel inside your rectum.

Afterwards, he'll probably have to burn his hand and bury it.

Kyle, I swear, if I didn't have a guy's hand up my ass right now,

I'd leap across the room and kick you in the nuts.

Uh... Ooh. Ehh.

The prostate seems to be normal.

No swelling of the hormonal gland.

Ooh. - Oh, wait. What's this?

Aah!

Are you okay? - Dude.

You know that feeling when you take a huge dump?

Awesome.

Well, Doctor?

I've never quite seen this before.

Perhaps he just needs some hemorrhoid cream.

Aah! Aah! -

You all right?

You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took

shoots back up inside your ass?

No, I'm not all right!

I've never seen a hemorrhoid react this way.

That wasn't no hemorrhoid. It was an alien hoop-a-joop!

Come on, children!

We've got to get Eric to some real help!

Where to now, Chef?

That thing inside Eric's asshole

looked like some kind of alien satellite dish.

We need to see my friend down at the space center now!

You're the only person I could think of

who might be able to help us, Jeff.

How do we, uh, make it come out?

Someone just has to activate it like the proctologist did.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Nobody is putting their finger in my ass again.

Unless it's Kyle.

What? No way! You do it, Kenny.

Nope. It has to be Kyle. - Go on.

I'm not putting my finger up Cartman's butt!

Kyle, the fate of the world may be at stake.

Come, Kyle. Do hurry.

Go ahead. It won't bite.

God damn it, Cartman!

I couldn't resist. I'm sorry.

Stop it, Cartman!

Okay. Okay, okay.

God damn it!

Oh, man, that was great.

Okay, go ahead. I'm all out of farts now.

Durr!

Mm!

Okay, okay. It's not funny anymore.

Oh, yes, it is!

Eric, that's enough!

Okay, okay.

Oh! Double psyche!

That's it!

I don't care about the fate of the world! Screw it!

Oh, nice going, Cartman!

All right. All right. I'm sorry.

Go ahead, Kyle. - No!

No. Go ahead. I'm dry. - You're lying!

It stopped being funny 40 seconds ago, boys.

Let's just get this over with.

But it was one of the best times I've ever had.

Can I see this thing, please?

Okay.

Oh! God damn it!

Okay. Now it's funny again.

This is so awesome!

I don't think I made it out of that proctologist's office.

I think I died and went to heaven.

That does it! Charge!

Aah!

What's it doing?

It... It's sending a transmission of some kind.

Got it.

It's just sending images of cities and people and stuff.

Where is the signal being sent to?

Aah!

I don't want to play anymore, you guys.

We went through all that just for some gay video of Earth?

We wanted to see an alien planet or something.

Whoever they are, if they're receiving messages,

they might be sending them, too.

Wait a minute. C-Candy bars.

Candy bars?

You... You know, candy bars.

They usually come in a wrapper,

just like you wrap a Christmas present.

Christmas happens when it's cold.

Cold, as in Alaska. That's where the polar bears...

Polar bears... Pol... Polarity!

I can switch the polarity to see what transmissions

are coming from the location this one is being sent to!

What the heck?

They're coming in!

What do we do?

It's that guy you want!

He's trying to reverse your polarities!

What?!

Aah! Run, run, run!

Get in the car, children. Get in the car!