Average Joe

Go on, get him out of the van! Angel! They're here.

Get down Mall cop.

Oh god please don't kill me, I just started this job 3 days

ago. I'm just a driver!

ANGEL THUG I didn't ask for your resume.

Why did we take the driver?

You always want to take more than one hostage, at least

two hostages. It's a good rule of thumb, just in case you need

to shoot one of them. I'll show you right now.

Hahaha, you look like a hulked up Doogie Houser!

You got what you want! You don't have to shoot anyone!

Is that so? Then this should be pretty straightforward.

The code to the case!

Wait, you know what's in the case right?

The code! Or I ventilate your kneecaps.

You paint quite a picture. 6-7-7-2.

Far out.

Call M.A.X. Let him know we found what Lord

Menace requested.

Hahahaha. In a world so filled with villainy, criminals who

think themselves above the law. The only thing standing

valiantly in the shadows, between this city and total

anarchy.

Heroes.

Is justice! We are the justice Angel Gang, and when the

people cry 'Save us'! We whisper 'no problem'.

Hahahaha.

Come on! Kill them all! Kill them all!

[MARTIAL ARTS HITS AND THUGS GRUNTING]

It's ok! The name's Blinx, come with me if you want to live.

There they are, over there!

You ok?

You should be out there.

It's uh, it's too much gun fire!

That's what I thought.

Now don't start!

Brain!

Brain, we need you!

Oh thank god!

Oh thank you, thank you.

There, there ordinary citizen, no need to thank me.

Villains know when they've been out match...

I got this.

Hank wait!

You're just a neutral.

Fear center of the brain is at maximum, you're not worthy.

But I sense another.

Now that I've finished the warm up, who's next?

Who might you be?

Looking for me?

Could it be? A worthy adversary?

Maybe.

But you're gonna have to catch me first.

Hmmm. Interesting.

Is this what Lord Menace was expecting?

We have the thorium compound. You will be handsomely rewarded.

Move your men out.

I don't take no orders from a god-damned

toaster in a straight-jacket.

Would you like to see what this toaster is capable of?

This deal's getting worse all the time.

Come on!

(SOUND CRESCENDOS TO SILENCE)

Thank you for coming in Mr. Martin.

Your resume is, adequate. We'll let you know.

Well, that's it?

I don't understand the question.

Don't you need more background?

No.

More experience?

No.

Cuz I can go get you-

Off the record, Mr. Martin...

this is not the type of resume that's going to land

you a position with our company.

You haven't worked in 8 months.

It's not my fault, the economy is rough.

Not for us. We'll let you know.

Hey Carl.

Hey Joe, how are ya?

Muriel won't let me smoke in the house anymore.

See ya Carl.

Have a good one.

Loser.

Slug.

Sarah!

Don't distract her, she's making my sandwich.

"Don't distract her, she's making my sandwich"

Weirdo.

Head Shot!

Oh!

Oh my god! I'm sorry baby, I didn't see you.

It's ok, it's ok it's ok! Is it ok?

I think so here, we don't need you bleeding at interviews.

Let me see.

It couldn't be any rougher than it was this morning.

It didn't go well?

No, it was horrible.

I feel like I'm Saran-Wrap and they're just looking

right through me on to the next guy.

Let me see,

Alright I think you're ok.

My hero.

I know.

You'll catch a break on the next one, alright?

No, that's it for today. No more-

Actually, I got you another interview.

Muriel's son said that there's a job opening where he works.

It's decent hours, not great pay.

Where?

Just right around the corner.

Doing?

Hm?

Doing?

Management.

Of?

Tell him.

Waste.

Garbage?!

Joe, I know that it's not ideal...

Baby, I got interviews!

Interviews don't pay mortgages.

I know. I'm supposed to be the

man of the house and I can't even buy a carton of eggs.

EMILY (in background): Joe has no huevos.

Look baby, I just don't think right now's the time for me

to look at being a garbageman.

Waste management.

I deal with enough garbage all day long.

Is my sandwich ready?

Speaking of wasted garbage.

Now's not the time for pride Joe.

Yeah Joe, when you going to stop leeching off my sister?

I don't leach off your sister!

Yes you do!

At least he tries, which is more than I can say for you.

Did you know he spent the last two days

watching Judge Judy marathons?

Baby I was exhausted!

- Seriously?! - I got stress!

I've got stress!

Over what?!

Hearing you have sex in the next room!

What?!

Yeah, you have thin walls!

And seriously, what is up with the monkey noises?

- You can hear that?! - Yes, I can hear that!

How thin are our walls?

Baby!

I hope you freaking choke on that sandwich.

Baby!

Uh-oh! Sad Sarah!

Joe, no. no.

Need monkey? Sad Sarah need sexy monkey?!

Stop seriously.

What? What?

This is serious!

I know it's serious.

Why are you so serious?

We're not kids anymore!

I know we're not kids.

But I took care of us then, and I'll take care of us now.

I know babe, but I'm the one with all the responsibility now.

Ok? And I know it's not easy, but we have to do this together.

Ok, I can't do this by myself.

We're a whole.

Really?

'Cause I said whole?

Well, you're the one who said it.

Oh, my god! What is wrong with you?!

Look, I want to feel like a man again, I do.

I mean, I remember the stories you used to tell me

about when your dad left, and how you took care of everyone.

And I want to do that for you.

I want to do that for us.

And you're right, you've carried this burden way too long.

Ok, you need to just go into those interviews,

and show them how amazing and confident you are, and lie.

Lie?

Not lie, not lie.

Just show them how important and good you are

because you deserve it.

Yeah, I can do that.

Couldn't do any worse could it?

My Hero.

I know.

You feel like a man to me.

Do I?

- Do I? - Yes.

- Do I? - Yes.

Yeah, do it again.

- Yes. - Do it more.

Do it till milk comes out.