Deadloch

I swear to God, I didn't think that dude was gonna stop pissing.

I know. So stop-start. It was like your driving.

That bad?

Agh!

Oh, my God it's...

Argh! He's fuckin' dead!

Oh shit, his dick's on fire!

Jesus Christ!

Happy Saturday! You're listening to Pink Flag

on Tasmanian East Coast local radio.

And joining me now is Deadloch Mayor, Aleyna Rahme.

Good morning, Nance.

The Deadloch Winter Feastival starts tomorrow.

It's our 14-day festival of food, wine and culture

and we're doing a ticket giveaway for the Klama.

- That's the Feastival's - Hellenic screaming ceremony...

...so call in quick to win those.

Alright, it's time for some music.

Ah, this is Indigo Girls, I believe.

Oh, lovely.

No! Fern, no! No!

Use the voice, Dulce. She needs the hierarchy reinforced.

- Good girl! - Good girl.

- Good girl! - Good girl... Good girl!

Oh, my mooncup's still in. Keep going.

Good girl! Good girl.

Lower, Dulce, lower!

Good girl. Good girl.

- Hey, no, this is an armhole. - Dulce, your phone. It's Abby.

I'm gonna go and check on Ray's donkey.

His leg swelled up like a gonad, apparently.

- OK, I love you. Bye! - I love you.

Ah, good morning Constable.

Oh, before I forget, I've spoken to Rachel.

Ah, hold on, Constable. Sorry, who?

Rachel. From choir. She's married to Elaine, the mezzo.

Yep, yep, right.

Well Rachel used to be married to Geoff Haddick

but now she's selling her farm up near Margaret's

'cause Geoff tried to burn it down

'cause she left him for Elaine in the choir.

Anyway, I said we'd go and check it out tomorrow, OK?

Love you! Bye!

Sorry, check what out?

The hobby farm, to buy it.

That's a... a bit premature, isn't it?

Well it's just a squiz. We've been here for five years. Bye, Fernie!

Be good for Mummy D. Bye, sexy. I love you.

Argh! Look at that bum! I'll never get over it.

OK, love you! Bye! Love you!

Ah, Constable, if this is about the 'all cops are bastards' graffiti

on the Davis's bin, I am looking right at it.

- Why wasn't I alerted to this earlier? - Sorry, ma'am.

Cath said not to call you after hours,

because you're doing no devices between seven and seven

for work-life balance.

A dead body trumps work-life balance, Constable.

I'll remember that for next time, ma'am.

Where is your uniform, Constable Alderman?

Oh, I thought I'd still make yoga.

'Cause I bought, like, a five-day pass.

You won't be going to yoga.

- That's the Deadloch Football Club logo. - I know.

- That's half-shark, half-truck. - Yeah, I know.

That says Trent Latham. Ma'am, I think it's Trent Latham.

Yeah, that's what we said, Abby!

Tammy, my title is Constable Matsuda now!

Damn it.

OK.

Run me through it.

Through what happened. Can you run me through what happened?

Yes.

Um, the station got a call at 5:35am

saying that a body had been found on the beach

by cousins Tammy Hampson and Miranda Hoskins,

both 17, and students at Deadloch High...

They're just sitting over there, Dulce.

Yeah, I know who they are, Sven. Thank you.

- Just there. - Hi, Miss!

How's your new rescue dog?

Ah, she's settling in. Have you two been drinking?

- Nah, Miranda's got gastro, eh. - Six UDLs. I'm smashed.

Any sign of his personal effects? His clothes? Phone?

No, ma'am.

I did spot several nangs in the bushes, Dulce.

Yes, I think those nangs are pre-existing, Sven.

Ma'am...

do you think he's been murdered?

Not for us to say, Constable.

Our job is to secure the scene and not touch anything.

I'll get onto forensics.

Oh, um...

I think they're actually already on their way, ma'am.

They're what?

Sorry, ma'am, it's just that

I couldn't call you because I'm scared of Cath,

and I think that the Deadloch Police got in trouble

last time they moved a dead body, like, a few years ago.

So I called the forensic pathologist

and he said he'd call forensics and Commissioner Hastings,

so I didn't embarrass myself.

So that's what he did. He called them.

There is a chain of command, Constable.

Yes, ma'am.

Full disclosure, Dulcie?

I don't know what I'm doing.

Also, I'm supposed to do a wedding dress fitting later today.

I'll move it.

Tammy, delete that photo or I will throw your phone into the sea.

- Commissioner Hastings. - Senior Sergeant Connell.

Ah, Collins, sir.

I hear you've got a nude body down there.

Bit of excitement for sleepy old Deadloch!

Yes, and from my preliminary inspection it does appear to be a homicide, sir.

She been sexually assaulted?

The victim is male, sir.

Is it? Right.

This sort of thing, you just presume it's a woman.

Anyway, forensics'll be there shortly,

but all of Tassie Homicide

has been pulled onto the Princess Mary tour as security,

so... you're in charge, OK?

Me? Um...

OK, yes. Yep, right.

Just until tomorrow.

Right. Uh-huh

We've recruited an interstate detective to lead the case.

I'll send some boys

from Carnage Bay station to help out.

Detective will want to hit the ground running,

so you just start the bread and butter stuff for 'em, yeah?

Actually sir, I just, um, I need to take a moment

to run this assignment up the chain.

I am the chain, Connell.

What's the problem?

Have you forgotten how to be a homicide detective?

Ah no, sir, but I do need to have a discussion with my wife and...

Connell, I think you're mistaking this for an invitation,

when, actually, it's an order.

You will be conducting the case until the lead detective arrives, OK?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Right. I'm going to have to leave you to it.

A wombat just shat on Prince Mary.

Ah, pardon me, sir. Who are they sending?

Is it a... a Sydney detective?

Nuh, some cowboy from Darwin.

A detective Eddie Redcliffe.

You fuckin' shanked that, Ronny.

Oi, Dolph hasn't seen his Dad.

Where the fuck's Coach?

Ken, back behind the tape, please!

Is it a dead whale, Dulcie?

Abby, keep the perimeter secure.

Yes, ma'am! Sorry, ma'am!

- Hi, Cath! - Hi, Abby.

Sven, stay here.

I need to notify Trent's wife before she hears about this from a dog walker.

- Dulcie! - Aleyna!

Did you swim up here?

Yes I did, like a Russian sub.

What's going on?

- Did Kevin take a dog? - No, no, no!

I keep saying that bloody animal needs to be euthanised, Dulcie.

It attacked a Jack Russell yesterday.

Imagine if that dog was a tourist.

OK, it is not the harbour seal, Aleyna, and you cannot be in here.

Oh, please, I'm a doctor and I'm the Mayor of the town.

I've seen my fair share... Oh, crap, that's a body.

OK, Aleyna, you need to get behind the tape, please.

- Who is it? Is it a local? - I cannot...

Dulcie, Amanda Palmer didn't arrive for Feastival yesterday.

Her event was sold out!

Do you want me to establish time of death?

- No! - It's just a thermometer up the arsehole.

No, I need you to put nothing up anything, Aleyna.

- Cath. - Hi, sexy!

Nadiyah and I just went for brunch. She's joining the choir.

What's going on? Not another dead whale, is it?

Uh, no. No.

- Um, it's a body. - Oh, my God.

Who is it?

Cath, am I on speaker?

It's not a friend is it, Dulce?

No. It's... no.

OK. Is it a homicide?

Uh, it looks like it, yep.

Who's working the case?

- Um... - Dulce?

At the moment, me.

Dulce, you promised. No more detective work.

But it's... It is just until the lead detective arrives.

He... he... The detective comes tomorrow.

Oh, OK.

Well, are you OK?

Are you hungry? I can get you a breakfast brioche.

No, I am fine, thanks, love.

- I do need to notify next of kin. - Hey, how's it going?

Tom! What are you doing here?

Tammy sent me a photo.

Oh shit! That's Trent Latham!