Chicago Party Aunt - Second Season

It's a brand-new year in sweet home Chicago.

And one of the perks of having a rooftop that looks directly into Wrigley Field

is that you get to experience Opening Day.

Not the first game, but when the guys with the huge hoses show up.

I'm talking about the groundskeepers, baby!

For years, me and my neighbors would watch every home game

while partying our respective wieners and clams off.

God, those were good times.

Sure, most of the old gang moved to the suburbs or got jobs,

but I'm still here

and I ain't lettin' nothing stop me from keeping this badass tradition alive!

Lay that sod, Bernice!

Nice form!

How great is this, Daniel?

What am I looking at, again?

The grounds crew!

Sanchez really stepped up his rake game in the off-season.

He might be juicin'.

I can't feel my feet.

Nothing a warm char dog can't fix.

Kurt! This rooftop is for people who live here

or are married to people who live here,

which disqualifies you!

Ha-ha! Okay. Nice to see you too, Di.

Hi, Uncle Kurt!

Ex - uncle.

I'm just here to get my grill.

Heidi's hosting her bird book club next week.

They're reading The Pelican Brief. Again.

You're still dating that ditzy...

Heidi! How are ya, hon?

Hi, Diane. Hi, Daniel.

Ah!

Goddammit! I need to let that cool down.

- Kurt, the birds are in the car. - Ten-four, babe.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!

All right, have a good Opening Day. Bye!

- Kinda hard now with no hot meat! - Uh! Tss! Ah!

Hey, we don't need food and warmth to have a good time.

When I say "grounds," you say "crew!" Grounds!

Cold!

Oh, yeah, my nips are rock hard.

And not in the fun way.

Isn't it great, Daniel?

We get to do this together all season long!

Ugh!

Let's go, Cubbies!

Another perfect rooftop party.

It's endearing you considered that a party.

Oh, we left the cooler in the hallway.

Oh, I'll get it. I forgot my flip flops.

Hey!

Oh, sorry, thought this was hallway beer.

No, that's hallway beer.

Okay, that fucking rocks!

What did you just say?

I said, "That fucking rocks."

I thought I was the only one who said that.

That fucking rocks!

I'm Diane, by the way.

Amanda. I'm moving in down the hall,

but I needed to take a White Claw break. Want to join me?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

No, they do it at Soldier Field, baby.

Claws out!

Do you need help with this box?

"Box."

Can I buy you a drink for helping me move?

That'd be awesome!

I usually go to the bar at noon because that's when Judge Mathis...

Judge Mathis starts!

I was physically removed from his courtroom

for harassing Bailiff Doyle!

Been there, done that. Doyle's a zaddy!

This is where real Chicagoans hang out.

Best bar in the city.

And they got a great pizza puff.

Which I can serve without a food license, thanks to your buddies the Petes!

Yeah, they work at air-quotes, "City Hall."

Diane's the queen of making friends with shady faces in low places.

- Pays to know people. - Amen.

Speaking of which, our building is a trip.

Apartment 3A, you got Mr. Jorgavich. High school janitor.

Bad gambling problem.

I know, because we have the same bookie.

Then in 3B, there's Fucks Loud Sophie.

Well, "Fucks Loud" Amanda's here now.

Yes!

I'll have what she's having!

And then you got Wet Hair Lady down in 1B.

I don't know her name, but she always has wet hair.

There's one in every building.

Diane, I know it's early to say this, but... I think you're my spirit animal.

Uh...

No doy!

I thought mine was the giraffe at the zoo that takes those ten-gallon pisses,

but I'm kind of thinking, it's a smokeshow named Amanda.

Daniel. This is my new BFF, Amanda.

She just moved in down the hall.

Oh, wow. Nice to meet you.

Um, you're the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I want to put you in my pocket. Literally.

Thanks! But I assume you mean "figuratively."

Ooh!

What are you, a little college boy? Where do you go to school?

Uh, I was supposed to go to Stanford, but I'm taking a gap year.

Yeah, I took a "gap year" once.

Rehab!

Yeah! I'll drink to that!

Yeah, I actually took a year so I could focus on my art.

That's amazing! You know, art is everything.

What kind of art are you doing?

What kind of art? Hmm. That's a...

The thing is, you can't define "art" as actually doing, you know?

Oh, I can't even!

I want to cut his face off and eat it. Literally.

I know, right? Okay, see you at home, Danny boy.

Hmm? Ah!

Daniel, can you cover me?

I need a five-minute meditation break.

Oh, broadening your horizons, huh?

Yeah, I thought I'd dive in and follow my passion.

Speaking of passion, one of our passion fruit smoothies went...

...right through someone, and stall three is a bit of a mess. Huh.

Right.

Tits up!

Tits out!

What are you gonna do?

I taught her that.

Obviously. You're the only one who says that.

Gideon, Zuzana, Tina, I would like you to meet my new bestie, Amanda.

All white women look alike to me,

but you two, you really look alike.

I hear that.

Oh my God, are you Polish?

I went to Prague in college. I remember nothing.

Diane, I told you on your off days, feel free to not drop by.

You must be Gideon! Your fedora is giving me life.

It's not a fedora, it's a troubadour, and you-will-not-touch it.

Okay, I gotta hit the head. These drinks went right through me.

How great is Amanda?

She's basically me, but... five years younger.

Ha! Ten years, at least.

I was gonna say 15.

No, no. 20.

Oh my God, you guys are such zaddies,

which is a term Amanda taught me!

The only zaddy here is me.

Look, I'd like to talk to you about that lotion you gave me for Christmas.

Shit, did it burn your skin?

I didn't make it! I didn't even give it to you!

It was Zuzana! Sue her!

No, it's surprisingly effective and I was thinking we should...

Sorry for what I did in there. I got really bad aim.

She knows what I'm talking about.

What? No, I do not.

Okay, we rocked this place out. Let's go get some burgers, Mand!

Oh, I don't eat meat.

What?!

No! Fuck! No!

I'm messing with you, biatch!

Okay! Seriously! Get out!

Okay, I want you to...

Hey, Bon! I got three minutes left on the class.

I'm not in last place!

I heard back from Dr. Blatz. We are not pregnant.

Got it. Uh, should I stop?

If I'm not pregnant, then why are my boobs so sore, Dr. Blatz?

Son of a gun!

Look, why don't we do something exciting?

Something we couldn't do if we had another kid right now?

What if I took you to Gibson's for a romantic meal?

Some steak, a little wine. I'll even valet the Lincoln.

No looking for a spot tonight! Unless there's one nearby.

I guess if I'm not pregnant, I can still eat like I am!

Uh oh, looks like Mark W. fell off his bike!

No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine!

"Hey, girl, it's 2:00 p.m. You up?"

"Text me or call me or just text me."

"Okay. Byeeee."

Cat with heart eyes and a panda bear.

Bonnie Whiddington?

That depends. Are you from Rent-A-Center?

'Cause that BarcaLounger was all slashed up when I got it.

No, I'm Ken Bundt.

I work for Event Corp, the premiere event developer in the area?

Now, Bonnie, have you ever considered...?

Ugh, if you're about to say you want us to sell you our rooftop access,

then save your breath.

- Hard pass. - But...

You people are vultures.

I don't know how many times I have to say we're not selling the rooftop.

But each condo owner would be...

"Handsomely rewarded," I know the spiel.

But much like movies with subtitles, I ain't interested!

Well, do give me a call if you change your mind, Bonnie.

Read my lips:

Eat my ass!

Who was that?

Ah, just some jerk trying to buy the rooftop.