Manhattan Murder Mystery

- Oh! - Oh!

Come on, you promised to sit through the entire hockey game without being bored,

and I'll sit through the Wagner opera next week.

I know.

- I already bought the earplugs. - Yeah, but with your eyesight...

I'm surprised you can see the puck.

Yea. Hurrah.

- I can't wait to get into bed. - I know.

There's a Bob Hope movie on television later.

I know. Do you believe this guy in Indiana?

Killed 12 victims, dismembered them and ate them.

Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.

Yeah, I'll say.

- Hold the elevator! - We're coming.

Hold the elevator. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, I, uh... I see you at the gym sometime.

- Oh, you do? - We live in the apartment down the hall.

Oh, well, I go whenever I have the discipline.

It's important to put that time in.

- Does wonders. - Oh, yeah, I agree with you.

- Exercising changed my life. - I prefer to atrophy.

- I'm not a big exercise person. - We bought a treadmill last week.

We had one, but we got rid of it, because it was taking up too much space.

- You have to turn it on and get on it. - Hey, hey.

It's so confusing with all of those buttons and computerized programs.

- I'm just never going to get that. - Oh, I know.

It's wonderful meeting you. I've seen you so many times in the hallway.

- I wanted to say hello. - I know, isn't this funny? Well, anyway...

- Good night! - Good night!

- Such a lovely couple. Uh, hello! - Huh?

Listen, why don't you come in for a second and have a drink with us?

- Oh, oh, well, that'd be fine. - We'd love that.

- She makes great Irish coffee. - There's a movie I wanna watch.

I want you to give me a treadmill lesson.

Oh, listen, if I can figure it out, then believe me, anybody can.

- I don't know what I'm doing. - No, please, it's easy.

Wonderful book they've given me. I'm at level five.

What? You're that advanced? I only got to level two.

I work out all the time. Look at these diagrams.

- That's amazing. - Can't understand this.

- Let me see. - Yeah, well, see this.

Now let me show you a mint 1933 airmail.

Very rare and very beautiful. Look at that.

And this plate block is quite unique because it has a flaw in the engraving.

- See if you can see it. - It's hard for me actually.

Give you a little hint. Right down here in the corner.

- Oh, that little tiny thing there? - Yeah.

- That makes it quite valuable, you see. - Aha.

And I just got a commemorative set that are going to be quite valuable.

- Look at the color. All of these... - Listen,

- we're probably keeping you up, right? - Oh, no, this is wonderful.

- I should be going. Car... - What do you do, if I may ask?

Me, I'm in book publishing. I work up at Harper's.

- Are you really? - Yeah.

- I own an old cinema. Having it redone. - Oh.

Used to have a string of three, but business is not what it used to be.

Look at these presidentials, look at the color work.

Even the perforations are intact.

Where's Carol? I should really be going.

Oh, really?

- Yeah, I mean... - Coffee's ready.

- Oh, coffee. I forgot coffee. - Good.

We can get back to this later. Come on in.

Well, we never had any children, but it's easy to empathize.

- What college does your son attend? - Brown!

- Nice color. - That's funny.

Paul never attended college. He's self-made.

Always regretted it. I think knowledge is the second most important thing.

First is health, then knowledge, then money.

- It's amazing how time will just... - And do you work?

Huh? Do I? Oh! Well, actually,

I used to work at an ad agency, but that was many years ago.

I've been seriously thinking of starting a little restaurant.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but, well, Larry, he's trying to talk me out of it.

She's a great cook, really.

Her duck and fennel omelet on a bed of scallops...

in hollandaise sauce with truffles and sweetbreads will make you...

snap into a fetal position and lay on your bed screaming for a month.

He loves to tease me,

but actually he really loves exotic food.

My weakness is any rich dessert. Cream, butter.

Oh, really?

Listen, I'll fix you dessert that'll make your eyeballs roll up.

You'll have to exercise a month to work it off.

We're going to Le Cirque for our anniversary.

No, really?

- Yes, 28 years in November. - Really?

What do you buy the woman who has everything?

We already have twin cemetery plots.

I always think a Bentley is in good taste.

Or you can go the route that I went with her.

On our 20th, I got her some very lovely handkerchiefs.

Yeah, but, you know, they had my initials on them.

It was very high class. I didn't even know her size.

I'm going over.

Jesus, couldn't you keep the conversation going longer?

- I'm signaling you frantically. - I was trying to be neighborly.

Neighborly? If this guy showed me his stamp collection one more time...

My favorite thing in life is to look at canceled postage.

Oh, come on, Larry. It was sweet.

They're looking forward to their anniversary.

Yeah, and I'm looking forward to seeing that Bob Hope movie.

I don't know why they put it on so late.

Do you think that's gonna happen to us?

What?

Well, that we'll become like them.

Just another dull, aging couple with our little walks...

- We are a dull, aging couple. - ... our TV, our lox and bagels...

and our twin cemetery plots.

No, we should be as lucky as them to be in their physical shape at their age.

They look great. Did you see the dumbbells this guy lifts?

If I lifted dumbbells like that,

I would get a hernia the size of the San Andreas Fault.

How often do you think they make love?

Oh, you know, probably more than we do, in their shape.

I'm sure as much as once a week.

- Oh, I'm exhausted. - Larry?

- What? - Do you still find me attractive?

Of course. What kind of question is that? Of course I do.

Yeah, but we're not turning into a pair of comfortable old shoes, are we?

Never comfortable. I don't think you have to worry about that.

How you guys doin'?

- Fine. We're gonna get this one. - We're good.

That's very nice. Are we gonna see you at Elaine's Thursday?

Oh, no, Thursday's our Wagner opera.

- Ted's coming to Elaine's with us. - Ted? How is Ted?

- He seems to be doing well. - I don't think he's...

- No, he's not doing well. - I think he's glad he's divorced.

Come on, he's not doing well at all. He's not used to it.

I think he looks, you know, like he's glad.

What do you want to do? You gonna browse or...

- We're gonna go to a movie. - We're gonna go see Double Indemnity.

- Why don't you come with us? - What do you think?

It starts in a little while.

I'd have the police after her so fast it'd make her head spin.

They'd put her through the ringer, and the things they would squeeze out.

You haven't got a single thing to go on, Keyes.

Oh, not too much. Just 26 years experience, all the percentage there is,

and this hunk of concrete in my stomach.

- God, that movie was great, wasn't it? - Yeah, it's one of my favorites.

- I loved it. - They were all wonderful in the picture.

Who can we fix Ted up with? There must be somebody in your office.

- Ted? - Yeah.

I don't know. I always thought Ted had a crush on you.

- Me? - Yeah. Why are you so stunned?

Please! I adore him, but he's like a girlfriend to me.

Now he's divorced, you know.

Do I detect a note of jealousy?

I had to call 911.

- So what's the trouble? - What's going on?

She had a heart attack. She's dead.

She's dead?

They're giving Mr. House a sedative right now.

He's running around like crazy.

I called EMS and they got here as soon as they could.

- But it was too late. - We just met them.

Awful, just awful.

- What happened? - Well, it's a classic coronary.

- She just went like that. - Is there anything we can do?

Be good neighbors. We've calmed him down.

Th-Th-The first time we saw them was last night.

- We just met them. We had coffee. - Such a nice lady.

- Nice lady. - Sweet person.

- God, okay. - You look wonderful.

- Oh, hello. Hi, Mr. House. - Hi!

- So sorry. - Thank you for those wonderful flowers.

- Oh, that's... - It was quite nice of you.

Anything we can do, anything you need, just tell us.

Anything at all. It was just such a shock.

It was just so sudden. She seemed so, well, healthy.

- She had a heart condition. - She did?

- She never mentioned it. - She wouldn't have.

- No, right, well. - If there's anything we can do.

- Yeah, anything. - If you need anything, if you're lonely.

Very kind. You know, you owe me a wonderful French dessert.

Oh, no, no, I haven't forgotten, believe me. I haven't forgotten.

Have a nice time. You seem all gussied up.

- We're going to the opera. - Oh, enjoy!

- My favorite. - Good night.

- Good night. - Come on, we're gonna be late.

You know, I sit through the ice hockey game and you watch the whole opera.

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.

I think it's weird. One night she's having coffee

and the next night they carry her out in a rubber bag?

I know, and she did not look like she was ready to go.

Maybe this guy killed her.

Like he's got a young tootsie stashed somewhere.