The Simpsons

*THE SIMPSONS* Season 29 Episode 10 Title: "Haw-Haw Land"

Whoa

- Carl! - Prescription pain pills!

Please. I'm late for my dialysis.

Duffman thinks this town's okay!

Lenny's a survivor!

Take it Bart!

If you're givin' it, I don't want it.

Bring it home, boy.

Nyah, nyah.

I brought my stems.

Sir, this is a conference

of Science, Technology, Engineering and Math.

What about this one?

Dialogue on Pediatric Education.

I find this claim highly doyvik.

It's all true according to the highly-prestigious

Institute for Purchased Science.

Here's our top scientist now.

Sir, I-I don't think this is fooling anyone.

Quiet! And put on the monocle, Professor Noodle-Strudel.

- So where's your booth? - I don't have one.

- I just came here for fun. - Fun?!

One child, please.

I was here first.

If disco's dead, I don't want to live.

It's Stuicide!

Self-unrolling yoga mats.

Artificial intelligence that writes TV recaps.

Stranger Things suffers from season two fatigue.

And look! IMAX Al Gore!

If every family could just reduce their carbon footprint

by ten percent...

Oh, it's hopeless.

The floods are comin', people!

This is my Woodstock!

You okay, honey?

It's fine. It's fine.

I'm just intellectually drunk.

Mm. I guess that's okay.

Marge, Marge, Marge, you lighten up.

It's science.

Maybe you should sit down.

I ain't sittin'. I'm ready to fly!

Hmm.

Hey, kid, I want to show you something.

Are you a pervert?

No. A chemical engineer.

No!

I used to be like you.

You mean incredibly bored?

Oh, let's see if you think this is boring.

I drop a little water on powdered sodium...

Huh?!

Wow!

Listen, I don't know what you're teaching,

but you and I have great chemistry.

Except for the lab coat.

It makes you look kind of heavy.

I actually am kind of heavy, and it makes me look thinner!

I don't know what could make this day more perfect.

You didn't applaud. Nothing.

Here, I'll show ya how it goes.

Thank you. No selfies.

In a lesser musician, that boy's attitude

would be needy masquerading as arrogance.

I'm leaving if he can't sing.

Oh, God. He's one small step away

from destroying all my logic and reason.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Hey, Lisa.

I brought you three waters: cold, lukewarm and warm.

- That's nice. Any sparkling? - Damn it!

Hi! I'm Lisa Simpson and I'm nervous

about saying anything that will ruin this perfect moment.

My name's Brendan.

Oh, good, good. No last names.

Don't want things moving too fast.

Oh! I hope our children get his hair.

Now to subtly find out how old he is.

How old are you?

Well, I'm 11, but I'm insouciant at a 12th grade level,

and I'm talented, too.

So unfair, right?

That's amazing, because the boys I know are re...

I've got sparkling!

Sorry, I'm not thirsty anymore.

Damn it!

Um, so w-where do you go to school?

I just moved here. I'm starting next week

at a school called Springfield Elementary.

I see it got a few dreadful reviews on Yelp.

This guy called "Gary Chalmers" gave it half a star.

Bloody hell!

Of all the K through sixes in this world,

you had to walk into mine.

A beautiful hotel bar! Just like in The Shining!

Oh, hi, lee... tle girl.

If you see your ma... uh, ma wife,

tell her Homer... not your dad... wants the credit card.

I will... sir.

- Sir? I'm your dad. - D'oh!

Today, we are performing

an experiment that we humorously call

"making elephant toothpaste."

Boy, the Germans sure know their humor.

Let's just hope they know something about chemistry.

First, add a tablespoon of dish soap to hydrogen peroxide,

then add the warm water and the yeast!

Aah! German chemistry!

Sounds great, Lisa. Really great.

You're just a little behind the beat.

Uh, maybe you're a little ahead?

Aw, you're so cute when you're wrong.

- Channel that rage! - No!

Make that reed pay for my sins!

Yeah!

Knock off that racket!

It's not a racket!

It's the truest American art form!

Banging on the walls is the truest American art form,

and I'm a Picasso!

Oh, no! They're playing in time to the beat of my banging!

Well, then stop banging.

I can't. The rhythm is infectious.

Here's the school trophy case.

If you look closely, it's empty.

They're actually decals on the glass.

Oh, hello, Lisa.

I see you have a new friend.

Brendan, this is Nelson.

Lisa, you sure know a lot of weird guys.

Hello, Brenda.

Excuse me. Why is being a girl an insult?

Ah! So evolved!

Lisa, are you squishy for this ding-dong?

Lisa, does that fat kid like you?

Whatever we had, it's in the past.

I think there's something in the water in this town.

Oh, man.

He used "flipped" with a double meaning!

Bastard!

He turned his suffering into entertainment,

just like the Jewish people!

Nothing can ruin this moment.

Make way. Dead gophers.

Nothing!

How can you be sleeping?!

Oh, thank God.

Meanwhile, Bart's teacher says he has a flair for chemistry.

Why that little...

Wait. Flair? Isn't that a good thing?

Yes. It's too good.

Why don't you ask him what he's up to?

Because if he lies to me, it's like a dagger in my heart.

What happens when... I mean if... I ever lie to you?

Can you find out what he's really up to?

- I will. - See? That's a lie right there.

D'oh! Okay, I really will.

- That's also a lie. - D'oh!

Fine. I really, really, really will.