Silver Bullet

The last full moon of that spring...

...came a little more than a month before school let out for summer vacation.

Our town's long nightmare began that night.

My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer

Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer

It's not bitter, not sweet, it's a real frosty treat

Won't you buy, won't you buy...

Won't you try, won't you buy, Rheingold Beer.

Jesus, Arnie, are you afraid of the boogeyman?

God... Come on outta there, Buster, and give me a hand.

All right. What is it that you want, Arnie?

I want some Rheingold.

And what're you gonna do... Soon as I get that dirt outta there...

Rheingold time, Arnie!

Oh, shit!

The killing had begun. But at first no one knew it.

You see, Arnie Westrum was a chronic drunk.

And what happened seemed like an accident.

The county coroner concluded that Arnie had passed out on the tracks.

There wasn't enough evidence to conclude anything else.

- Yeah! - Did you remember the deviled-ham?

It's such a wonderful day!

This is Tarker's Mills, where I grew up.

And this is how it looked that spring.

A town where people cared about each other as much as they cared about themselves.

I was nearly 15 years old and my brother Marty was 11.

We'd like to get things started now.

May I have your attention please, everybody?

We'd like to get things started now, if we could.

A lotta chairs down here. Come on right down and sit down.

Alright, without further ado, I'd like to turn things over to Reverend Lowe.

I'm gonna go, okay?

- Alright, but stay close. - Thank you, folks.

- Now, last June the... - And make sure your brother's okay.

"Make sure your brother's okay."

Marty's a booger.

- Wow! - Marty was the cross I had to bear.

Isn't that a garter snake?

- Hell, no. - He wasn't so bad, actually.

Lemme hold him.

He was just constantly thrown in my face by my parents.

- I have an idea. - What?

Oh, you wouldn't.

Oh, you would.

- Only let's not go bananas or anything. - Who, me?

An endeavor like this seems to me to be the very definition of "community".

Marty?

Marty?

- Aww, Janie! - Goddammit!

Come on, Jane, it was just a garden snake.

Look at my hose!

Oh, I hate you!

Jane, I'm shocked at you!

Stop it, Brady.

Look alive!

Hey, Jane, did you wet your pants?

Jane, I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, sure.

- I didn't mean to. - Oh, no...!

You never mean to! I hate you, you booger!

I hate you!

Well, sure looks like we got her goat this time, didn't we?

Shut up, Brady! You're warped.

Come here, for a minute, I have to talk to you.

Listen, I told you, it ain't my baby.

- Don't you ever drag me off like that! - I can't believe you'd say that.

You know it's your baby.

- We've had this conversation before. - You know I wasn't with anybody else.

I need help!

It's your oven. But it ain't my bun you're baking!

- I have to have some help! - Remember the good times.

You know, what I mean?

I want you two to bury the hatchet. You're being very silly, Jane.

Did you see my knee? Did you see my outfit?

Marty has apologized.

And you know he couldn't have climbed the tree to stop Brady anyway.

You always take his side because he's crippled.

Well, it's not my fault he's crippled!

You just wanna be quiet or I'm gonna smack you now, I mean it!

Come on, Jane, I'm sorry. Brady wouldn't stop.

Hey, pumpkin, don't forget to help your brother.

- Bob, I don't have my keys. - Just a minute, sweetheart.

Don't sweat the small stuff, Janie.

Honey, where do you want this?

Come on. Hurry up.

Is Uncle Red still coming to visit?

Mom told dad that Uncle Red's getting a divorce. Another divorce.

And she said he was drunk. Now that's your great uncle. A chronic drunk!

- He is not! - He is so!

Janie?

Janie, you awake?

What's the money for?

A new pair of panty hose.

Is it enough?

Jane, please take the money. It was Brady's idea. Honest to God.

I wanna make up.

I can get a pair of L'eggs down at the pharmacy for a dollar forty-nine.

Here.

Is it true what you said about Uncle Red?

Yeah.

I'm sorry I told you the way I did. It was mean.

It's okay.

I never did much like Sheila anyway.

Maybe I'll like the next one better.

Suicides go to hell.

Especially if they're pregnant.

And I don't even care.

It's not a normal situation down here.

Well, that's what you told me this morning.

Well, I'm happy to hear that. You think it'll be sometime this week?

Well, that's good. When and how many?

Hey, fuck off!

What'd he say, Joe?

He said they'd be here by noon.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea...

...telling that Smokey Bear from the detective division to fuck off.

Well, I waited till he hung up.

Jesus Christ, what a mess.

Joe Haller couldn't find his own ass if somebody rammed it full of radium...

- ...and gave him a Geiger counter. - Could be.

I know a fella who's still P.O.'d...

...about being fined a couple hundred bucks for that little, uh...

...fender bender he had back on the Ridge Road last year.

Well, could be I know a fat ol' fella...

...who oughta take care of his mouth before someone turns it inside out.

We pay our taxes to keep this town safe.

And Joe Haller ain't doin' it.

Last town report said you were in arrears in your taxes, Andy.

Guess you caught up, huh?

Whatta you, tryin' to be smart?

Now you boys better turn down your thermostats or you can both get out!

You got me?

Now, who's drinkin'?

- Have a wonderful summer. - Yes, yourself.

Hey, it's Madman Marty in the Silver Bullet.

So, Marty, are you allowed to be out of jail?

- No, I like school. - Poor guy.

Be careful.

Not bad, huh?

Uncle Red changed the regular muffler for a cherry bomb.

- What's that? - Glasspack!

He said he's making me a new wheelchair. A custom job.

But now I dunno.

He's getting divorced and he's in the dog house with my mom.

- For getting a divorce? - Well, it is his third.

Come on, Tammy.

Thanks for coming home with me, Marty.

I was scared to pass her house alone.

Yeah, it is a little scary.

I mean, I saw her all the time.

Hey, take it easy.

- I know how you feel. - There's something else scary.

What?

That.

I've been hearing noises out there.

Tammy!

Tammy, get on in here! Help your mama with the laundry.

Well, I would go take a look myself...

...but I think the Bullet'd get stuck.

You would, wouldn't you?

Yeah, sure. No sweat.

Tammy!

I gotta go, Tammy.

Thanks again for coming home with me.

Damn cripples! Always end up on welfare!

I'd electrocute 'em all. Balance the Goddamn budget!

Oh, come on, baby.

- Hey, Mr. Cutts. - Well, Marty...

...I see you lucked out again.

Yep. Would you fill her up, please?

Want me to check the oil?

Yeah, sure.

Wipe the windshield, check the driver's bullshit level?

There was a guy sitting in a bar.

"Bartender.", he says, "Hey, jackass, gimme a drink".

So the bartender pours a drink.

And he drinks it. He sits for a while, then says, "Jackass, pour me another."

Se he pours another.

This other guys asks the bartender, "Why do you let him call you jackass?"

The bartender says: "Hee-aw, hee-aw, he always calls me that."

- It's good isn't it? - Yeah.

You might as well fold, because you don't stand a Chinaman's chance.

Yeah...

Uh, I'll see ya, and I'll raise you this.

You can't bet managers.

- You can't bet managers. - Okay, okay.

- I always said you can't bet managers. - So I'll bet a Yankee.

Piss on the Yankees, piss on the Indians...

- Time for bed. - Piss on...

Mom, come on.

Whoa, Nan. Let him finish the game.

Okay?

- Make it quick. - Okay.

What did you say, "Yankee"? See your Yankee.

And I'll call ya. I got three kings. Read 'em and weep.

I got a straight to the Queen.

That's bullshit luck! Bullshit luck!

- That's enough! That's enough! - I'm thinkin'...

Hey, hold it! Can I say, can I at least say good night?

Good night.