The Princess Bride

Hi, honey.

Hi, Mom.

You feeling any better?

A little bit.

Guess what.

What?

Grandfather's here.

Mom, can't you tell him that I'm sick?

You're sick. That's why he's here.

He'll pinch my cheek.

I hate that.

Maybe he won't.

How's the sickie?

I'll leave you two pals alone.

I brought you a special present.

-What is it? -Open it up.

-A book? -That's right.

When I was your age, television was called books.

This is a special book.

It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick...

and I used to read it to your father.

Today I'm going to read it to you.

Does it got any sports in it?

Are you kidding?

Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge...

giants, monsters, chases...

escapes, true love, miracles.

That doesn't sound too bad.

I'll try and stay awake.

Thank you very much. That's very nice of you.

Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

All right.

"The Princess Bride...

"by S. Morgenstern.

"Chapter One.

"Buttercup was raised on a small farm...

"in the country of Florin.

"Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse...

"and tormenting the farm boy that worked there.

"His name was Westley, but she never called him that."

Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

Yeah, it's really good.

"Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure...

as ordering Westley around."

Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle.

I want to see my face shining in it by morning.

As you wish.

"As you wish" was all he ever said to her.

Farm boy, fill these with water.

Please.

As you wish.

That day she was amazed to discover...

that when he was saying, "As you wish"...

what he meant was, "I love you."

Even more amazing was the day she realized...

she truly loved him back.

Farm boy.

Fetch me that pitcher.

As you wish.

Hold it, hold it.

What is this? Are you trying to trick me?

And where's the sports?

Is this a kissing book?

Wait. Just wait.

When does it get good?

Keep your shirt on and let me read.

"Westley had no money for marriage...

"so he packed his few belongings and left the farm...

"to seek his fortune across the sea."

It was a very emotional time for Buttercup.

I don't believe this!

I fear I'll never see you again.

Of course you will.

What if something happens to you?

Hear this now--

I will always come for you.

But how can you be sure?

This is true love.

Do you think this happens every day?

Westley didn't reach his destination.

His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts...

who never left captives alive.

When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered--

Murdered by pirates is good!

She went into her room and shut the door...

and for days she neither slept nor ate.

I will never love again.

Five years later, the main square of Florin City...

was filled as never before to hear the announcement...

of the great Prince Humperdinck's bride-to-be.

My people...

a month from now...

our country will have its 500th anniversary.

On that sundown, I shall marry a lady...

who was once a commoner like yourselves...

but perhaps you will not find her common now.

Would you like to meet her?

My people, the princess Buttercup!

Buttercup's emptiness consumed her.

Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck...

the right to choose his bride...

she did not love him.

Despite Humperdinck's reassurance...

that she would grow to love him...

the only joy she found was in her daily ride.

A word, my lady?

We are but poor, lost circus performers.

Is there a village nearby?

There is nothing nearby, not for miles.

Then there will be no one to hear you scream.

What is that you're ripping?

It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder.

Who's Guilder?

The country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Florin.

Go!

Once the horse reaches the castle...

the fabric will make the prince suspect...

that the Guilderians have abducted his love.

When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier...

his suspicions will be totally confirmed.

You never said anything about killing anyone.

I've hired you to help me start a war.

It's a prestigious line of work...

with a long and glorious tradition.

I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.

Am I going mad, or did the word "think" escape your lips?

You were not hired for your brains...

you hippopotamic land mass!

I agree with Fezzik.

The sot has spoken!

What happens to her is not truly your concern!

I will kill her!

And remember this, never forget this--

When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk...

you couldn't buy brandy!

And you-- friendless, brainless...

helpless, hopeless!

Do you want me to send you back to where you were...

unemployed in Greenland?

That Vizzini, he can...fuss.

Fuss, fuss...

I think he like to scream... at us.

Probably he means no...harm.

He's really very short on... charm.

You have a great gift for rhyme.

Yes, yes, some of the time.

Enough of that!

Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?

If there are, we'll all be dead.

No more rhymes, now. I mean it!

Anybody want a peanut?

We'll reach the cliffs by dawn.

Why are you doing that?

Making sure nobody's following us.

That would be inconceivable.

Despite what you think...

you will be caught, and when you are...

the prince will see you all hanged.

Of all the necks on this boat, Highness...

the one you should be worrying about is your own.

Stop doing that!

We can all relax. It's almost over.

You are sure nobody's following us?

As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally...

and in all other ways inconceivable!

No one in Guilder knows what we've done...

and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast.

Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

I happened to look behind us, and something is there.

What?

Probably some local fisherman...

out for a pleasure cruise at night...

through eel-infested waters.

What?

Go in ! Get after her!

I don't swim.

I only dog-paddle.

Veer left!

Left!

Do you know what that sound is, Highness?

Those are the shrieking eels.

If you don't believe me, just wait.

They always grow louder...

when they're about to feed on human flesh.

If you swim back now...

I promise no harm will come to you.

I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels.

She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time.

What?

The eel doesn't get her.

I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.

I wasn't nervous.

Maybe I was a little bit concerned...

but that's not the same thing.

Because we can stop now if you want.

No. You could read a little bit more, if you want.

"Do you know what that sound is, Highness?

"Those are the shrieking eels."

Pass that, Grandpa. You read it already.

My goodness, I did.