Двенадцать стульев (The twelve chairs / Mười hai chiếc ghế / 十二把椅子)

MOSFILM Studios

Ilf and Petrov

Based on the novel of Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov

Experimental Creative Association

presents

TWELVE CHAIRS

The Cast

Archil Gomiashvili Sergei Philippov Mikhail Pugovkin

G. Bogdanova-Chesnokova N. Varlei, N. Vorobyova N. Grebeshkova

N. Krachkovskaya K. Rumyanova

G. Vitsin N. Gorlov S. Kramarov

Yu. Nikulin V. Pavlov

G. Roninson R. Philippov G. Schpiegel

V. Etush I. Yasulovich

Lyrics by L. Derbenev Conductor ñ G. Garanyan

Camera by I. Shtanko Scenery by A. Makarov

Sound by R. Margacheva Assistant Director ñ M. Koldobskaya

Music by Alexander Zatsepin

Production Designer Evgeny Kumankov

Director of Photography Sergei Poluyanov, Valery Shuvalov

Directed by Leonid Gaidai

Script by V. Bakhnov, L. Gaidai

Part One THINGS ARE MOVING

In the summer of 1927

at 11.30 AM, a young man

entered Stargorod from the direction

of the village of Chmarovka, to the north-east.

Mister! gimme ten kopeks!

Mister! gimme ten kopeks!

Perhaps you'd also like the key of the apartment where the money is?

No-o

The young man had not told the truth.

He had no money, no apartment where it might have been found,

and no key with which to open it.

His name was Ostap Bender.

"VAKHANYUK and Co"

What's the matter?

What's the matter? Who are you?

Is something wrong with my shop?

You know very well yourself.

Maybe we should come inside and talk.

You'll have to talk you know where.

Can you give me a light?

Tell me, dad are there any marriageable young girls in this town?

- For some a mare'd be a bride. - I have no more questions.

A house like this and no girls in it?

This is a state institution - a home for old-age women.

Born even before the advent of historical materialism?

They were born when they were born.

Listen, granddad, what about a drink?

- All right! - Right, then.

- I'll stay the night with you. - You can stay here

for the rest of your life if you like.

- What was here in the old days? - My master used to live here.

- Ippolit Matveevich Vorobyaninov. - A bourgeois?

Bourgeois yourself! He was a marshal of the nobility.

You mean he was from the working class?

Working class yourself! He was a marshal of the nobility.

The police chief used to salute him.

I'd go and wish him a happy new year, let's say,

and he'd give me 3 roubles.

At Easter, let's say, he'd give me another 3 roubles.

He even promised to give me a medal.

That's what he would say:

"Tikhon, consider yourself already having a medal."

But it didn't happen.

Do they give medals to caretakers nowadays?

Certainly.

Coming!

Master! Back from Paris!

Hello, Tikhon. I certainly haven't come from Paris.

Where did you get that strange idea from?

This isn't Paris, but you're welcome to our abode.

- I haven't come from Paris. - Splendid,

of course you haven't come from Paris.

You've no doubt come from Kologriv

to visit your deceased grandmother.

My name's Bender.

- You may have heard of me. - No, I haven't.

No, how could the name

of Ostap-Suleiman-Bertha-Maria Bender Bey be known in Paris?

Bertha-Maria Bender Sounds weird

- I haven't come from Paris. - Marvelous.

You've come from Morshansk!

Is it warm in Paris now?

Well, I'm going now.

You don't need to hurry anywhere.

- The secret police will come for you. - I don't know what you mean.

You soon will.

Sit down. Quickly.

Which frontier did you cross?

Was it the Polish, Finnish, or Rumanian frontier?

Honestly, I'm a Soviet citizen. I can show you my passport. Here.

With printing being so developed in the West,

the forgery of a Soviet passport is nothing.

All right. a) We have an emigre

who returned from Paris to his hometown.

b) This emigre is afraid of secret police.

- c) - But I already told you:

- I'm not an emigre. - Then who are you?

- Why are you here? - I arrived on business.

- What business? - Well

Speak up!

- Personal business. - Personal business, eh.

And then you say you're not an emigre!

So, will you confess on your own will or what?

- Speak up! - All right

"Anyway, it might be difficult without an accomplice",

he thought to himself, "and this fellow seems

to be a really shady character. He might be useful"

I'll tell you everything.

In a provincial town N where the ex marshal of nobility

worked as a clerk of the registration office,

there were so many hairdressing parlors and funeral homes

that the inhabitants seemed to be born merely in order

to have a shave, get their hair cut, freshen up their heads

with toilet water and then die.

Be quick, she is dying!

Oh, my God.

I held the last rite for her. Her soul is pure now.

Don't lose courage, Ippolit Matveevich.

- Eppole-et - Go, go

Eppole-et...

I want to tell you something

Do you remember our drawing-room suite in Stargorod?

Yes, I remember it very well. A sofa, a dozen chairs

I sewed my jewels

into the seat of a chair.

Weren't they taken when the house was searched?

I hid the jewels in a chair.

Your jewels! Why didn't you give them to me?

Why should I have given them to you

when you squandered away my daughter's estate?

What? 70 thousand roubles' worth of jewels hidden in a chair!

Heaven knows who may sit on that chair!

But this is

Those evening bells!

Fedor, what?

How many a tale

their music tells

Oh, my God, what's wrong with you?

Listen, but mum is the word.

I held the last rites for Vorobyaninov's mother-in-law today.

She confessed, that in their house in Stargorod,

she hid her jewelry

in one of the chairs.

She bequeathed that jewelry to me.

- To you? - Yes, to me.

Soon we'll lead a different life, with a candle factory of our own

- and so on. - Well, well

Those evening bells.

How many a tale

The jewels

I'll find them,

I'll find them by all means!

The stones have been tastefully selected, I see.

I think all this jazz costs about 150 thousand now.

- Really as much as that? - Not less than that.

However, I would spit at all this.

- How? - Just spit at it.

- Nothing will come out of it. - But why?

Your suite was probably used for firewood long ago.

Take it easy.

Calm down.

I'll take charge.

Only we'll have to conclude a little deal.

If we find the treasure, as your technical adviser

I receive 60 per cent.

That's daylight robbery!

- Name your conditions. - Well, err5 per cent,

or maybe even 10 per cent.

Maybe you'd like me to work for nothing and also give you

the key of the apartment where the money is?

In that case, I'm sorry, I have every reason to believe

I can manage the business by myself.

In that case, I'm sorry, I have just as much reason to believe,

that I can also manage your business by myself.

- You villain! - Listen, gentleman from Paris,

do you know your jewels are practically in my pocket?

And I'm only interested in you as long

as I wish to prolong your old age.

- 20 per cent - And my grub?

- 25. - And the key from my apartment?

- 30 per cent. - All right.

But it is only with due respect to your noble descent

that I would agree to work for the meager 40 per cent.

That's 60 thousand!

You're a rather nasty man.

- You're too fond of money. - And I suppose you aren't?

- No, I'm not. - Then why do you want 60 thousand?

- On principle! - Ah

- So, things are moving? - Villain!

- What? - Things are moving!

It's a bargain then, dear member of the jury.

I will run this parade!

Good morning, marshal. I have good news for you.

- I traced the first chair. - Oh, my God!

The chair is in what used to be your house.

Wrap up your morning toilette and let's go.

I'm ready.