The Ricky Gervais Show

For the past few years Ricky Gervais,

Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington

have been meeting regularly

for a series of pointless conversations.

This is one of them.

- Testing. - Is that all right?

Hello and welcome to "The Ricky Gervais Show"

with me... Ricky Gervais... Stephen Merchant...

- Hello. - ...And the little round-headed buffoon

that is Karl Pilkington.

Hi.

Now, Karl, I know you're fascinated by the concept of the doppelganger,

of seeing someone who looks exactly like you.

Jake has emailed and he says,

"Karl, if you could spend a day

with an exact replica of you..."

Okay, so if somehow they've cloned you, Karl,

and they've got... you've got him for one day,

what would you do with this?

What would you make him do?

What conversation would you have with him?

What would you do? Is there anything you could...

you know, how would you utilize him for one day?

Well, they'd both say, "I'm not bothered,"

- and that would be the end of conversation. - Yeah.

What would do me head in is

does he think the same way, look the same way?

- Exactly the same. - Yeah.

How would I know which one I was?

- Because you'd be you. - That's amazing.

- "How would I know which one I was"? - That's incredible.

- No, because... - That is the most stupid thing

ever said by a human being.

Can we get the "Guinness Book of Records" on this?

Has anyone anywhere in the world

said anything more stupid

than, "how would I know which one was me?"

But think about it.

This other person's going, "all right,

thanks for meeting up and that."

And I'd go, "hang on a minute. No, you came to me."

And then Suzanne would come home

and she wouldn't know the difference.

And then suddenly you'd start doubting yourself

and you'd go, "should I be leaving or..."

So how do I know if I am that real one if he knows what I know?

But you know who you are because you're experiencing it.

But he'd be saying that because he'd say,

"yeah, it's a bit weird, isn't it?"

But you know the truth, you idiot.

"How would I know which one I was?"

So anyways...

- But bear in mind you... - What would you do?

You could pass him off as yourself.

What would you do? Would you play tricks?

Would you, you know...

You could be in two places at once.

Would you do stings? Would you do scams?

No, because it would only end up

getting me into trouble, won't it?

Because people won't believe that there's another one like me.

Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing.

They'd go, "it wasn't me. It was me doppelganger."

It can only... I wouldn't want it, to be honest.

Again, it's a bit of a headache, isn't it?

Because he could be going off going mental,

causing all sorts of trouble and you go, "will you pack it in?"

And he's going, "what? What are you on about?"

But then that wouldn't happen, would it?

Because he's being me, so he'd be sat wherever I am anyway,

'cause he'd wanna do what I wanna do.

So pointless.

But I still wouldn't want it.

It's unbelievable.

- That was a conversation with himself. - That was amazing.

That was like experiencing what it would have been like if there was two Karls.

- Yeah. - He was having a discussion with himself.

We could have left in that time and come back,

and he'd be arguing still.

But does this mean... does this mean...

Does this mean, though, that I could just sit at home

and not do anything and just send me out on...

Yes.

And when he... when he's seeing

something happen, I'm seeing it?

- No. No no no. You're separate people. - You're separate people.

But then he's not a doppelganger then, is he?

Well, you're identical twins then.

You found out you're identical twins

and he's got the exact... the same input as you.

I mean it's not a real question, is it?

It's just a little... again...

But I said to you the other week about twins and that,

how it's... I wouldn't like to have a twin.

It's all right when you're a kid, but...

Unless you're a siamese twin.

Even they don't even look alike, do they?

They're just stuck together.

You don't go, "don't they look like each other?"

They have different haircuts.

They don't carry that thing on, do they, like normal twins do?

Like normal twins who, say, have the same haircut,

wear the same shirt.

Siamese twins never look the same.

They've just got their ass stuck together.

Again, it's a dialogue in his own head.

It's unbelievable.

Okay, Karl, this is a...

a logical conundrum to a certain extent.

There's a little bit of lateral thinking because...

But there is only one right answer.

Now the pressure here isn't to get this right.

The pressure is

when I've told you the answer to then understand it,

'cause I've still... when I've explained this to people,

I've laid it out for them, they still can't quite get the concept.

- Okay, so there's two doors, Karl. - Yeah.

- One leads to heaven, one leads to hell. - Yeah.

Okay, they're identical. You can't tell them apart, okay?

- 50-50. - Right.

Obviously, you want to go heaven, I assume.

Right, there's two guards, identical guards,

- guarding each door, okay? - Right.

The one guarding hell always tells a lie.

The one guarding heaven always tells the truth.

You have to ask one question to find out which...

which is which, and then go through the door you want.

What question do you ask?

- I've only got one? - Yeah.

- And what, one to both? - No, one to either of them.

You don't know which one's which though.

So what question do you ask?

Why can't I ask, like, both of them one?

- Because it's not the... - The rules are you can only ask one.

There aren't actually two doors labeled "heaven" and "hell," Karl.

That's... there's a leap of imagination here.

I've definitely tried to...

I've got to ask them a question?

I can't just sort of have a feel of the door

to see if there's any heat or anything?

They're identical.

You stand a few yards away.

You cannot tell from the outside

of these doors which is which.

What question do you ask?

I can't look through the keyhole or anything?

There's no keyhole.

- Um... - Let's imagine there's a small rope

that prevents you from getting anywhere near,

rather like at a nightclub.

So they're stood there. They both look the same.

- They're both smiling. - Yeah.

But one of them's not really smiling, really.

He's trying to make me make a mistake, isn't he?

Well, he's just gonna lie when you ask him a question, if you ask him.

So what's the point in asking a question...

- Do I know one of them's gonna lie? - Yeah.

But would they be neighbors like this?

Would they be that close?

Why...

I mean we're not sure if these two guys get on.

Well, I'll tell you the answer.

No no no, I wanna see if he can get it.

- He's almost there. - Uh...

No, he's not almost there. What am I thinking?

No, hang on. Right, so you go up and you go, um...

Hang on.

Let's imagine that... let's imagine Ricky and I are those two guys, okay?

- Right? - But we have to...

Well, me and Steve will decide which doors we're guarding, okay?

- Right. - I'm... uh...

Look away, Karl.

- Okay then. - So we've decided, okay?

One of us is guarding hell

and one of us is guarding heaven.

Which question are you gonna ask

and who are you gonna ask it to?

Right, um, I'll just say to you, Steve...

I'll go, "got some...

got some post for God here."

That's not a question. That's a statement.

Right, you've got some post for God here.

- That's not a question. - Maybe the question's coming.

You've got some post for God here, yeah.

Uh, and it needs to be signed.

It's not a question. It's still not a question.

- No, let him finish. - Is God in?

Because I need him to sign for this post.

Is he in?

Well, I can answer that as well, if you want.

- Go on. - Yeah, he's in.

He's behind my door. Do you wanna answer it?

- Well... - Yes, he's in.

Do you wanna get him? Just, uh...

Well, you only got one question.

So you're asking Steve, "is God in?"

- What's the answer? - Yes.

Ask me. Yes.

Look, lads, I'm just trying to do a job here.

Um, what am I gonna do with this?