New Girl

Nick, go out ten yards, cut left.

Winston, go long, post right.

Jess, go down, out towards the parking lot.

Get in the car. We'll meet you back at the loft.

Oh, very funny. You're a comedian, Schmidt.

Hike!

Schmidt! Come on!

- Oh! - Did you see that?

- Are you okay? - Yes, I'm oka--

What is going on?

- Nick... Nick, I'm so sorry. - Oh, my God!

This is real!

- Probably your lateral sizer. - Shut up!

- Can you just... - Okay, let's go.

- Rotator cuff? - Can I...?

- What do you need? - Nothing from you.

Please go far from me right now.

I can taste my spine.

Three or four down there-- vertebrae.

Why is no one helping me?

Not you! Not you!

Are you sure you're okay?

You're walking like a Disney witch.

Let me drive you to your doctor.

I don't have a doctor.

I don't have insurance.

Nick, you need to see a doctor,

if only to make sure that your junk is clean.

- I don't go to doctors. - I'll take you to my friend Sadie.

She'll just look at you-- she won't charge you.

Okay, I don't go to doctors!

Are you sure you're okay driving?

Yes, I'm fine. I've never been better.

I'm great.

Thank you.

I feel better already.

See you guys back at the loft.

Oh, my God!

Oh!

- What did you just...?! - I'm okay.

- I'm okay. Don't worry. - Oh! What did you do?

You hit my car!

I'm okay.

Oh, Winston, relax.

Okay? Relax.

That's all I did. I did this.

The rest was already there.

Actually, I think I undid a dent there.

I'm taking you to see my friend. Get in my car.

- No... Jess, no. Oh! - Now!

So she's fitting us in between patients.

Jess?

Is Sadie a gynecologist?

No, she's an OB/GYN.

- I'm going to go. - It's a different thing.

I'm going to get out of here, actually, I think.

Yeah? I don't think you are.

Nick, she's a wizard with a speculum.

- Nick! - I don't have a vagina.

You can take mine.

I heard that, sister.

True dat.

Okay, you know what, Nick?

I'm sorry that my only doctor friend

is a gynecologist,

but you're broke, so you're

going to have to shut your mouth,

and you're going to tag the things

that you want in this Lucky magazine.

We're gonna have to put this baby to bed.

No.

No, no, no, Sherman, look, uh,

I don't think you understand, man.

This car's been with me through everything,

so... if you could just fix it.

This is not really officially a car anymore.

You didn't even buy the thing-- it was given to you

as an illegal recruitment gift from

a college you didn't even go to.

- Things happened in this car. - Like what?

- Desert Storm? - Oh, things happened.

Is this your car?

Yeah.

Cool.

Any time.

It's time for you to buy a new car, man.

- You buy a new car! - I bought a new car.

It's what you borrow every morning when this one

makes the weird sound.

- That's not a good sound. - Just give me the keys.

You shouldn't call them keys.

It's a paperclip that you start the car with.

See, that was the noise I was talking you about.

Shut up.

You know you don't have to sit like that.

It's the only way that it feels okay, Jess.

- Jess! - Sadie.

Hey. Hey. How are you?

Good. How are you? Hey, good to see you again, Nick.

Hey. Hi.

We were playing football, and I tackled him.

Oh. Well, that's not exactly how I saw it.

Oh, I'm surprised you got hurt. You're such a big boy.

Jess tackled a girl

- I was dating once. - Oh, yeah.

She tried to steal my overalls.

Okay, so... does that hurt?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes! - All right.

Does that hurt?

All right. He can flip over.

Okay.

So... listen.

This is not an official examination,

and I am not officially telling you

that you bruised your spine,

and I am not officially

giving you these pills

- to manage the pain. - Okay.

So...

please don't take those pills.

- Take the pills. - Don't take those pills.

Take the pills.

Nobody prescribed them.

- Take them. Take them. - Why would you take them?

- No. That's bad. - That's a code. Take them.

That means do it.

Don't do that. No...

Those are designed for severe menstrual cramps,

so they should cure your baby back ache.

"Baby backache."

Wait. Stop.

Hey, take another sip of water.

- Yeah, um... - What? What's wrong?

No, it's your thyroid. I noticed something

while you were swallowing. Do you mind if I...?

I mean, I don't know what choice I have.

- Do it, Nick! - Okay, Jess. Stop.

Yeah, he has a growth.

Oh, my God.

- A growth. - Oh, no.

- Everything works. I can swallow. - Oh, my God.

Everything's fine. I know what you're talking about.

- You knew about this? - Yes.

- So you've had it checked out? - No, no, I don't...

I don't have that stuff checked out. I'm fine.

I can set up an ultrasound tomorrow morning,

first thing-- I've got a friend.

I can't really afford an ultrasound, but...

- You're going to have to, so... - Yeah.

All right. So I'll set that up?

- Absolutely. - Right. Right.

Make sure he goes, Jess.

- Don't look at me like that, Jess. - It's probably nothing.

Yeah, it's nothing.

Oh, God.

Put the baby's head at the bottom.

I'm not going to go tomorrow.

I'd rather not, because I don't want

to get an ultrasound.

I just don't have time.

No, I've got some writing I got to do.

The truth is, with working out, I've got some people to see,

so I just can't make it.

I lost a stamp.

It sounds worse than it is,

but it's a somewhat expensive stamp

and I had planned on looking for it.

One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles

was to get closer to whales, so I can record them.

I haven't gotten around to it

because where we live is actually east.

It's way farther from the ocean than I expected.

I appreciate your concern.

It is really sweet. It's nice.

But this machine's still kicking, you know?

You're going.

And I know your scared,

but you know what my mom

used to do when I got scared?

A Daffy Duck impression.

Please don't do what you're about to do.

Hey, Nicholas.

I'm sorry you have a lump in your throat.

That's despicable!

Sorry. Too much?

Okay.

- I got to go to work. - I'll come with you.

Oh, absolutely not.

- I'll just sit by the bar. - No way.

You told them, Jess? Really, it's not a big deal.

- Don't tell them. - We're just hanging out.

With my best friend.

Come on, Schmidt. What are you do...?

You just Fredo-kiss me? What's your problem?

Go sit down.

You're going to beat this, man.

I don't have anything.

What is going on with you guys?

Thanks for telling them.

I take those, too--