Parks and Recreation

- - OH, GOD.

HEY, BOO-BOO BEAR.

- WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

- BOO-BOO BEAR. - OH.

- IT'S ONE OF SEVERAL NICKNAMES I MADE UP FOR YOU,

AND YOU CAN CHOOSE WHICH ONE YOU LIKE BEST,

'CAUSE I WANT THIS TO BE A GIVE AND TAKE.

- OKAY, WE WENT OUT ONCE, AND NOTHING HAPPENED.

THERE IS NO "THIS."

WE HAVE "COOKIE TUSH"...

- WOW, JUST RIGHT OUT THE GATE.

- "WINNIE THE BOO," "LADY PRESH-PRESH,"

"ANN-BERRY SAUCE," "ANNIE GET YOUR BOO,"

"TOMMY'S GIRL," "ANNIE BANANNIE--"

HEY!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- IS THIS NOT ONE OF THOSE?

I MIGHT HAVE MISREAD THE VIBE.

- OH, MY GOD, DUDE, YOU HAVE TO BE COOLER ABOUT THIS.

LOOK, I TOLD LESLIE BECAUSE SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND,

BUT IF ANYBODY FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS

AND THEY START JABBERING,

IT'S GONNA MAKE IT REALLY HARD TO KNOW

IF THIS IS ACTUALLY ANYTHING,

SO JUST KEEP IT ON THE D.L., OKAY?

- I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE EMBARRASSED BY ME.

THAT IS ACCURATE.

- CAN I AT LEAST CHANGE MY FACEBOOK STATUS

TO "IN A RELATIONSHIP"?

DEFINITELY NOT.

"IT'S COMPLICATED"?

WHATEVER.

AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP?

IT'S COMPLICATED.

*

- CHIEF TRUMPLE, NICE TO SEE YOU.

- HI, - HEY, KNOPE. WYATT.

- BEEN A LONG TIME, EH, CAP'N? OR CAPTAIN.

"OH, CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN!"

FROM DEAD POETS' SOCIETY.

- YOU GETTING WEIRD ALREADY? - NOPE, I'M GOOD.

- PAWNEE'S POLICE CHIEF IS RETIRING,

AND I'M TRYING TO GET HIS ENDORSEMENT BEFORE HE GOES.

I'M REALLY NERVOUS BECAUSE I NEED THIS FOR MY CAMPAIGN.

AND BEN IS REALLY NERVOUS BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF COPS.

- I'M NOT AFRAID OF COPS. I HAVE NO REASON TO BE.

I NEVER BREAK ANY LAWS, EVER...

BECAUSE I'M DEATHLY AFRAID OF COPS.

- LOOK, KNOPE, I'VE ALWAYS LIKED YOU.

BUT THE NEWPORTS RUN THIS TOWN.

AND FRANKLY, THEY'VE DONATED

A LOT OF MONEY TO THE DEPARTMENT.

- MO' MONEY, MO' PROBLEMS, THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.

- HOW ABOUT "MO' MONEY, MORE PROTECTIVE KEVLAR VESTS

THAT SAVE LIVES"? - I-I...

SOMETIMES I SAY THAT, TOO.

- I UNDERSTAND YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT,

BUT IF YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE A DECISION--

- THE GUYS ARE THROWING ME A LITTLE RETIREMENT THING

TONIGHT AT O'FLYNNIGANS.

THERE'S GONNA BE BEER.

SO WHY DON'T YOU SWING BY? I'LL GIVE YOU AN ANSWER.

WEIRDO CAN COME, TOO.

- ALL RIGHT. - LET'S GO.

- OH, HEY, UH, MAY I SAY... - DON'T.

- THAT THE BOYS IN BLUE... - STOP.

ARE HEROES?

OBVIOUSLY SOME MORE THAN OTHERS.

OH, BOY, HERE IT COMES.

9/11.

- AND WE'RE WALKING. - OKAY.

- LISTEN UP, PEOPLE. THIS IS VERY SERIOUS.

JERRY, IF YOU'RE EATING, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.

- THANKS, BABE. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD,

BUT THERE'S A FLESH-EATING VIRUS GOING AROUND.

YEAH.

IT'S CALLED "MUSIC,"

AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO GET A VACCINE,

AND THAT IS TO PLAY IT.

TO PLAY THE-- YOU GET AN INJECTION--

- JUST SAY YOUR PIECE, SON.

- I HAVE FINISHED WRITING LESLIE'S CAMPAIGN ANTHEM.

IT'S CALLED CATCH YOUR DREAM, AND IT'S AMAZING.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE WE ARE THE WORLD,

EXCEPT I ACTUALLY THINK IT COULD HAVE

A REAL IMPACT ON SOCIETY.

HERE'S THE THING--WE NEED BACKUP SINGERS, AND I THOUGHT,

"WHO BETTER TO BE BACKUP SINGERS THAN LESLIE'S CAMPAIGN TEAM?"

EVERYONE'S GOT SOMETHING THEY'RE IN CHARGE OF

FOR LESLIE'S CAMPAIGN.

MY JOB IS THE SONG.

SHE ORIGINALLY PUT ME IN CHARGE OF HOT DOGS

AT THIS FUND-RAISING BARBECUE, AND I DROPPED THEM ALL--

ALL OF THEM, LIKE A THOUSAND,

SO I REALLY WANT TO DO A GOOD JOB.

SO WE'RE GONNA RECORD THIS BITCH TONIGHT,

6:00, DOUBLETIME STUDIO.

- DOUBLETIME, YOU SAID?

LITTLE BRICK BUILDING OVER ON LIONDALE ROAD?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW THE ONE?

NO.

- YOU COULD NOT KEEP IT TOGETHER IN THERE.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY.

BUT I'M FINE NOW,

AS LONG AS WE GET OUT OF HERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE

AND NEVER COME BACK.

HEY, LESLIE!

OH!

- DAVE. - HEY.

- OH, MY GOD. WOW. - HEY.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

- SAN DIEGO SUN... GOT ME ALL TANNED UP.

- SO WHAT ARE YOU-- OH, SORRY.

UM, BEN, THIS, UH--

THIS IS MY-- THIS IS DAVE SANDERSON.

- OH, HEY. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

UH, YES, UH, LESLIE KNOPE IS A FEMALE PERSON

WITH WHOM I WAS INVOLVED.

WE HAD A ROMANTIC-- "ROMANTICAL" INVOLVEMENT

UNTIL I RELOCATED TO SAN DIEGO,

WHICH IS-- THAT'S IN CALIFORNIA,

WHICH IS SOUTHWEST OF HERE BY A NUMBER OF MILES.

SO WE TERMINATED OUR INVOLVEMENT AT THAT TIME.

- ARE YOU HERE FOR A WHILE?

NO, JUST TONIGHT,

FOR THE CHIEF'S RETIREMENT THING.

- OH, YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO THAT, TOO, ACTUALLY,

BUT WE'RE GONNA GO A LITTLE LATER,

'CAUSE FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE DINNER

AT A REALLY NICE NEW FRENCH RESTAURANT.

- COOL. I'M GONNA GO TO THE GAS STATION

AND GET A FROZEN BURRITO

AND EAT IT RIGHT THERE AT THAT TABLE.

WELL, SEE YOU LATER.

- YOU SHOULD COME TO DINNER WITH US.

OKAY.

- I SHOULDN'T HAVE INVITED HIM. I'M SORRY.

OH, NO, NO--

NO, THAT'S OKAY.

I MEAN, I JUST FEEL LIKE IT'S KIND OF ODD

FOR ME AND HIM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU.

HONESTLY, IF YOU WANT TO JUST GO OUT WITH HIM ALONE,

I'D BE TOTALLY OKAY WITH IT.

- NO, LOOK, HE'S HERE FOR ONE NIGHT.

HE'S A REALLY GREAT GUY, AND HE'S GONNA LOVE YOU,

WHICH--BONUS--WILL MAKE ALL THE OTHER COPS LOVE YOU.

DAVE IS A GREAT PERSON, AND HE'S A GREAT JUDGE OF CHARACTER.

TONIGHT HE'S GOING TO ENDORSE BEN,

AND TRUMPLE IS GOING TO ENDORSE ME.

DOUBLE ENDORSEMENT.

OOH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ASHLEY JUDD MOVIE.

- STUDIO'S DOWN HERE. LET'S GO.

HUSTLE, PEOPLE, COME ON. JERRY...

AH.

THAT'S VANDALISM.

I HAVE A PROBLEM.

THIS HAPPENS TO BE THE STUDIO WHERE A LOCAL SAXOPHONE LEGEND

NAMED DUKE SILVER RECORDS HIS ALBUMS.

I'VE HEARD OF HIM.

I HEARD HE MAKES MATURE WOMEN SWOON WHEN HE PLAYS.

- FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD ABOUT DUKE,

HE'S KIND OF A PRIVATE GUY.

HE DOESN'T WANT HIS NOSY COWORKERS

DISCUSSING HIS MUSIC WITH HIM OR KNOWING THAT HE EXISTS.

SO, IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE ANY MEMORABILIA LAYING AROUND,

KINDLY AND DISCREETLY DISCARD IT.

- YOU GOT IT, DUKE. - DON'T CALL ME THAT.

- I DIG YOUR GROOVY TUNES, MAN.

DID YOU HEAR ME?

I SAID, "I DIG YOUR GROOVY TUNES, MAN."

- YO, CHUCK, WE'RE GOING TO GO AHEAD

AND PLAY AND SING AT THE SAME TIME.

I WANT THIS TO HAVE THE ELECTRICITY OF A LIVE CONCERT.

- SO WE HAVE TO PLAY IT PERFECTLY EVERY TIME?

NO, BURLY, PLAY IT "UNPERFECTLY."

YOU MEAN IMPERFECTLY?

I MEAN PERFECTLY.

- GOD, THAT WAS HOT NONSENSE. - YEAH.

- HEY, UH, CAN I HAVE A SIP OF THAT WATER?

- OH, SURE. - THANKS.

- THAT'S SWEET.

THE TWO OF YOU SHARING A NICE BOTTLE OF--

- YOU TOLD THEM. - WHAT?

- I ASKED YOU FOR ONE THING.

- FINE. I TOLD THEM WE WENT ON A DATE.

- WHEN? - AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY COULD.

I TEXTED THEM WHILE WE WERE ON THE DATE.

- - I'M SORRY.

BUT YOU ARE TOO HOT TO HIDE, ANN.

THIS IS ON YOU.

HEY.

WHEN YOU TWO SPOON, WHO SPOONS WHO?

- BEN'S DOING AN AMAZING JOB AS CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

- THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

HE'S REALLY SMART. - YOU KNOW, A CAMPAIGN MANAGER

IS ONLY AS GOOD AS THE CAMPAIGN PERSON

THAT HE IS MANAGING.

SO I'M TRYING TO SAY YOU'RE A REAL SMART LADY.

UH, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.