Creatures from the Pink Lagoon

God, our creator and redeemer,

confident of your eternal victory over evil,

we entrust Sebastian into your loving embrace.

We have entrusted our brother Sebastian to God's mercy,

and we now commit his body to the ground.

Earth to earth,

ashes to ashes,

dust to dust,

in sure and certain hope ofhis resurrection.

Amen.

He was my little angel.

Itjust isn't right.

He didn't have to die.

Not like this.

For someone who was light in his loafers,

he sure left a heavy corpse.

Honestly, Velma. You're too much!

Well, did you hear what he was buried in?

A kimono and a pinkie ring!

- No! - I rest my case.

I don't quite follow.

He was a Nancy boy.

You know, a fruitcake.

Afriend of Dorothy?

Confirmed bachelor?

Asalad spinner.

AChardonnay Charlie.

Afigure skater!

Oh! He was a fag!

Man, that guy gives newmeaning to the words, "dead weight."

Boy, howdy!

I thought we were burying a block of cement.

Well, what do you say we knock off early

and head down to McFeeney McGee's?

I'm right behind you!

Wait a second!

Where are you goin'?

I'm goin' to McFeeney McGee's, like wejust said!

I'm taking the short cut.

Not through the Exit 5 Rest Stop?

Yeah, what ofit?

There's something strange goin' on down there.

Joey says the place is haunted!

Haunted?

There ain't no such thing as ghosts.

You knowthat.

Yeah, but...

Howdoes Joey know, anyway?

Does he hang out there?

You knowJoey ain't like that.

He stopped by there last week to stretch his legs,

and he said...

Stretch his legs.

It all sounds pretty queerto me.

Nowlet's go.

Ghost or no, I ain't goin' anywhere near that place.

Joey said...

Joey said, Joey said!

Fine, you win, but if we gotta take the long way around,

the first beer's on you.

Nowwhere're you goin'?

Through the Indian burial ground.

Oh, I thought we might go up by Dead Man's Lake.

Oh, yeah, that's good too.

Yeah, then we can stop off at the beauty parlor

and pick up Joey -

ifhe's not too busy stretching his legs.

Aw, go on!

It was 1967 - the summer oflove.

England had decriminalized sex between men.

The Oscar Wilde Book Shop first opened its doors

in New York City.

And Ladybird was in the White House!

These were heady and exciting times.

No one could have known it was all about to come

crashing down around us.

Isn't it a beautiful evening?

Let's pull over here and watch the sunset, shall we?

Sure. I gotta take a leak anyway.

I wish you could come to my birthday party this weekend.

All my friends are dying to meet you.

Sorry - a bunch of stuff just came up at work.

Not gonna be able to make it.

But Bobby! You promised.

I wanted to show all my friends the real you.

I'll showthem the real me.

Bobby, be serious.

Who the hell do they think I am?

Well, they said you were a lousy two-timing cockroach

in tight slacks and cheap cologne.

That's crap!

I pay a lot of money for my cologne.

Please, Bobby. It's my birthday.

Listen, cupcake, I told you.

I have to work this weekend.

But don't worry. You'll get your present.

Being with you is more of a present than any boy deserves!

You're the bee's knees, Bobby!

Right.

And you're the cream in my coffee.

Listen, babe, I've gotta work early tomorrowmorning.

Right.

Those burgers aren't gonna flip themselves!

That's the spirit!

So you don't mind hoofing it from here?

That's a six-mile walk.

Six miles?

You'd better get started.

It's gonna be dark soon.

Hey, watch the paintjob!

Daddy just got this baby detailed.

Oh, sorry.

Well, I'll see you later, then.

Not ifl see you first.

Wait.

I thought Burger Queen was closed this weekend

so they could clean the grease traps.

They're out for blood tonight, huh?

Yep.

It's a beautiful evening, though.

Yeah, it's great.

You wouldn't happen to know the time, would you?

Sure. It's about 9:30.

Say friend, do you have a light?

I can't seem to find mine.

Did you check all your pockets?

I think so.

Maybe I need some help.

Sure... always glad to help my fellowman.

Found it.

Oops... I seem to have dropped it.

Why don't I go down and get it?

Yeah. Why don't you?

Kinda dark out here.

You may have to feel around for it.

Blasted mosquitoes!

Here it is!

Oops!

Nowl seem to have dropped it.

You should really be more careful.

Maybe you should go search for it this time.

Nah.

I got another one like it at home.

If you find it... you can keep it.

Happy hunting!

Wait... here it is!

Oops, nowl've dropped it again!

Howabout some help?

I sure could use someone to come down and help me get it!

I don't even smoke, you selfishjerk!

Evening.

Beautiful night, isn't it?

Do you have the time?

Oops.

I seem to have dropped my lighter.

I sure could use some help looking for it.

It's pretty dark out here.

You might have to crouch down and feel around for it.

Oh, the quiet type, huh?

I got something you can put in your mouth.

Hey... what's wrong with yourface?

What... what are you?

Stay back!

Get away!

GETAWAY!!

NOOOOOOO!

Aren't birthdays the greatest?

Cake, presents, streamers,

and a chance to catch up with the ones you love.

That summer my best friend Stan threwa party for me

at his brand newbeach cottage.

Stan is the quintessential host with the most.

He's always got a song in his heart,

he's kind to children and animals,

and he can roll a pig in a blanket like nobody's business.

His lover Billy was there, too.

Boy, what a side ofbeef!

Not to mention level-headed, smart,

and as trustworthy as a Catholic priest.

Then there was Randall, the wise old sage of the group.

He brought Gary that weekend. They seemed to have a healthy

relationship built around mutual trust and respect.

And Joseph was there.

Sweet, shy, and with an inner strength

that most peoplejust don't see.

This was going to be my best birthday ever.

But Fate had other plans.

It all started with a radio bulletin...

We interrupt this program with a special bulletin.

The mysterious West End Virus has claimed another victim.

Investigators have confirmed that the death

of 37-year-old Sebastian Camembert was most

probably due to this horrifying phantom affliction,

which has claimed five other victims in the past week.

The Centerfor Epidemic Control has issued its strongest warning

yet regarding this virus. Citizens are urged to report

to medical authorities at the onset of any flu-like symptoms

for extensive screening and observation.

Town scientists are searching for the origin ofthis blight,

exploring local swamps and mosquito nests