Sin novedad

Think about it. The bad guys come out.

We're distracted. They see us.

Suddenly they see two grown-ups in a car, at night.

What do they think?

-Who knows? -I know. It's this.

Those two cops are investigating us.

Wait a minute.

What's that in their back seat?

A fucking pink unicorn?

Yeah, they can't be cops, right?

It would be dumb for cops to have a unicorn in their car.

-Eureka! -Fine. The unicorn protects us.

-It's like a cloak of invisibility. -Let's get you a medal.

Attention, the Crouton Operation is ongoing.

Several undercover agents are surveilling suspicious locations

all over the city.

So, here we are.

We've been here for three days and that's what you say,

"So, here we are"?

-I can't believe it. -So, here we are.

My goodness.

What's the problem with "so, here we are"?

Come on... So, yeah, here we are.

-It's a saying. -Yeah, a saying.

-Okay, relax. -Really? I'm so relaxed.

-I'm absolutely relaxed. -You're so, so relaxed.

We've been surveilling for three days

and all you say is, "So, here we are"?

-Are we in a fucking elevator? -No.

-Are we neighbors? -No.

What are we?

Friends. We're friends. Best friends.

That's too far. Partners.

I wouldn't say we're best friends. You don't know my favorite food.

Spaghetti carbonara.

-Or favorite color. -Pistachio green.

-Favorite song... -"Laura no está" by Nek.

Okay, fine, but we don't have to go around saying "we're best friends".

Okay.

It sounds childish if you say it like that.

"We're best friends", right? As if we were six years old.

-Thanks. -Fine.

I won't say it anymore.

But we are, right?

Disgusting.

Hi? Hello. Owl 72, report on your situation.

Come on, louder, more energy. Lose the hello.

Owl 72, report on your situation.

Owl 72, no activity, who's this?

Hi, I'm Naiara. I'm in the room with Olivares.

Hi, guys. It's her first day.

Hey, Naiara, welcome. This is Agent Alonso.

Agent Campillo. Welcome, rookie.

No, I'm not a rookie. I was transferred.

Surveilling and no activity at the warehouse for three days.

Owl 72 here to inform you of what you want, when you want.

I, I, I.

There seems to be news. Sorry, Naiara,

I'm looking at a suspect. He's armed.

-He's aiming at us. -No!

-No, careful! -Careful, agent down!

-Agent down! -What?

-We need backup! Please, all units! -Owl 72, report...

Guys, grow up.

Sorry. Sorry.

-Sorry, Naiara. -And, Olivares, we're sorry.

So, Naiara seemed nice, right?

No.

-What's wrong? -No.

-You sound like my mom. -You're already going after her.

No, no. Besides, nice Naiaras are in the past.

Now I want wild Naiaras.

-Despicable Naiaras. -You do, huh?

That when you come home from work at 5:00 am she'll say, "Fuck me, daddy.

I'm horny.

Like a pig, without a shower. Cop's smell turns me on like a cat in heat.

Can I cuff you?"

"Is it your gun or are you happy to see me?"

"Do you want to see a good baton?"

-"Can I search your trunk?" -"What about those hindquarters?"

-Right on. -Guys, your radio's on.

Sorry. Sorry, Olivares.

It was a joke. Over and out. Owl 72.

-Are you an asshole? -I hit it with my leg.

It was here and it wasn't on purpose...

You just fucked all my moves on Naiara.

-I'm sorry. -Unbelievable.

Moves on Naiara?

You just heard her voice for the first time. Moves?

Well, I picked up some nonverbal language.

Nonverbal language? Gestures? Through the radio?

You felt her gestures? Are you retarded?

You want to see nonverbal language? Look.

-Learn. -So childish.

What a freak! What are you doing?

It's the other way around.

From this side.

-Like this? -You have so much to learn...

Small amounts of methamphetamine have been found

hidden in coffee capsules from Jalisco.

Several agents are monitoring possible cargo destinations.

Do you know what I do with those who betray me?

I give them a third eye. Here.

Do you like my face?

Because it's the last thing you'll see before you die.

Say hi to death for me.

Look, I'm crying.

I cry because that gives peace to the victims.

Yes, it did give me peace.

Bravo, bravo.

And, depending on the cultural level, I sometimes switch death for Charon.

Wow! Who's Sharon?

I'd use death with you. I adapt to any scenario.

-Your turn. -Me?

-Yes. -No, I'm embarrassed to.

You have to practice.

-Okay. -Come on.

Hey, you! You! Yeah, you!

Don't look at me! Don't look at me!

-How can I see if it's good? -Don't, please. I'll let you know.

-Okay. -Damn it!

I'm going to burn your house down and your fucking family! Look at me!

-Look at me now. -Oh, okay.

Yes. Do you think I'm crazy? Do you like that I'm crazy?

I'm going to kill you and your kids!

And curtain.

I was shitting myself.

-Yeah? Shit! -Yeah, yeah. I mean...

-No, I still have to rehearse a lot. -But it's so mad, because you do...

this crazy eyes thing.

That laugh?

It's from the cute guy on Money Heist.

-Right. -I've seen all the seasons.

So, I practiced a lot.

If I didn't know you, I'd think, "Bony is retarded."

-Thank you so much. -I really would.

-Yeah? Wow. -Just one criticism...

Please.

Too much "fuck, fuck, fuck..." It's too American.

-Yeah. -Do you mind if I pee here?

No.

I really respect the chain of command, you know?

And if they say, "You stay inside until the cargo arrives."

I stay inside until the cargo arrives.

Imagine it does and we're outside taking a leak.

Imagine?

Do you mind singing? I can't pee in this silence.

Look at how the fish Drink in the river...

POLICE STATION

-You have two calls. -Two.

-One, they're breaking into a store. -Breaking in...

The second, a drone is flying over a public street.

A drone...

No, come on. Breaking into a store.

-Okay, breaking in. -Quick, quick.

-Okay, you have two more. -Is the drone illegal?

-What? -Is the drone illegal?

Why?

-I... I have one. -Where?

-At home. -Why is it there?

For barbecues.

-I don't understand. -I have barbecues and fly it up.

-What for? -To film.

I film it and post it to Instagram.

Really?

You use a drone for barbecues,

-to take pictures for Instagram? -No, no.

-Are you kidding me? -Yes.

-Okay, let's prioritize. -Okay.

It's noisy at 9:45 pm,

or touching a police horse.

Horse, okay.

-Noise? -At 9:45 pm?

No?

-Assaulting a police horse. -Of course.

Why?

Because you're assaulting a member of the police force.

-I knew it. -How would you like...

-this? -No, no.

-And this? -No.

Whoa! Would you like it?

-No, I wouldn't. -Prioritize.

-Okay. -Be careful with the drone.

Okay.

I love you.

No, you don't need to say it. I know you do too...

All right.

Good night, honey.

Kisses. See you later.

-My wife. -I know.

-We're not okay. -I know.

Maybe it's weird, but I still say "I love you."

You do, huh?

Do you think it's weird?

Me?

No. Why?

Because of what I told you yesterday.

Yesterday?

-About my new phase. -Oh. No, no, I don't...

I couldn't say...