Fancy Boy

A jug of beer for the lovely lady.

- Thank you. - Put your money away.

- It's on the house. - Oh, thanks, mate.

He's a bit of alright.

What are you talking about? He's got a weeping sore on his neck.

I don't care. I just love his accent.

I don't trust anyone with an accent.

- What? - No-one's born with an accent.

Do you actually believe that?

Nah. But accents shit me.

Come on, Famous George! Come on, get in there!

Wish I had an accent, you know, something a bit exotic,

add a bit of mystique.

Come on, come on!

Hold on, Georgie, hold on!

And here comes Flip City.

- No! - He storms home, lunges, and...

... gets there!

Flip City by a nose. Flip City first.

Fuck!

Did you win?

Can I please borrow $50?

No way, man. I'm not lending you another cent.

Yeah, you already owe me 200 bucks from poker.

Come on, guys. You know I'm having a bad run.

None of this would have happened if I'd put that bet on Barefoot CEO.

It was June 1, 2014.

I woke up from this crazy dream

about this weird guy in a suit and had big bare feet.

Called himself Barefoot CEO.

That next morning, I opened up the form guide

and in it, race one, horse one, Barefoot CEO.

It was 200 to 1.

But I didn't have a cent on me.

So I went to Dad's man cave, opened his safe.

In there... there was $10,000.

He was saving it up to buy a pub for his retirement.

I wanted it. But I couldn't take it.

I would have pocketed 2 million.

I'd do anything to go back to that moment.

- That's a really good story, man. - Thank you.

Almost as good as the last eight times you told it.

I'm sorry if I value the lost art of storytelling, mate.

Big Trouble, mister. Big Trouble, mister.

And Big Trouble Mister races home for the win.

- What? - Cop car, cop car!

Pork crackling, pork crackling.

Hey, guys. I bought my own pork crackling from home.

Oh, wow!

- Magic man! - Yeah, right.

Wet prick, wet prick.

I can't believe it. He saw I was going to spill it.

Yeah, but how did he know you were a prick?

Yeah. Excuse me. Are you magic?

Yeah.

And I can grant you each one wish

in exchange for a pot of beer.

Great. So, one pot of beer for three wishes?

- Mm-hm. - Awesome!

- There you go. - Right.

Well, you go first.

Oh. I want to go back to the morning

when Barefoot CEO won that horse race.

Sweet.

What about you?

Alright, I want an exotic accent.

And, uh, you?

Um... I'll have, uh...

... custard hands.

Hands made of custard?

No, hands that are custard containers filled with custard.

Right.

Watch the glass.

Manakava, manakava, manakava.

Rondolikus!

Done! Your wish has been granted.

Mm. Yeah, cool, man.

- Not! - Oh, you'll see, you'll see.

Wait until tomorrow morning.

Wow.

I hope he's telling the truth.

- Yeah. - Are you serious?

Didn't you just see that beer glow?

Fuck up. Look, I am 100% absolutely definitely

not going to wake up with custard hands.

- Morning. - Morning.

- Hey, Drew. - Are they waiting for me?

Yeah, they're in the boardroom.

Do you want me to take those custard cartons off your hands

before you go in?

No, they're actually fused to my hands

because of a, uh... a wizard at the pub last night.

Um, in any case, could you grab those S2 forms for me?

Cheers.

Yeah, I'll probably just have to print some more.

- Good morning, sunshine. - Hurro!

"Hurrow"?

Hurro, Criff!

Oh...

Nah. Nah, what the herl?

Nah, nah, nah.

Uh... Cheh one, two.

Cheh one, two.

What are you doing?

Hurro, Criff. My name is Ririan.

I tie gen.

She sell sea shell by sea shore.

Red rever. Rever rever.

Red rever, red red rever!

Are you having a stroke?

Lass nat, a magic man changed my assent.

Now it sounds so lacist!

Prease beweave me.

- A magic man? - Criff, beweave me.

Yeah. Whatever.

Have you got your rent money?

We're a week behind again.

Oh, Criff. Can I borrow your car?

- No. - Pwease, Criff, pwease?

Absolutely not.

Ah! Solly, Criff.

I solly, I solly, I solly, I solly!

Lillian!

Sorry for the lateness, everybody.

Traffic on the Citylink was a nightmare.

Um...

- OK. - Hey, James.

- Yes? - What's with the custard?

Hmm?

Custard?

Oh, yeah, the custard hands. Yeah, it's nothing.

A magic man at the pub last night turned my hands to custard.

Now, if we open the fourth quarter projections here... Oh.

Sorry. I just got custard on the laptop.

- Shit. - James, what's going on?

Oh, as I said, a magic man at the pub has changed my hands to custard.

But it's not really an issue.

Um... it just... You know. We'll press on. Um... So...

As you can see, if we open up the fourth quarter projections,

we are experiencing wide profit margin.

Sorry about that.

Dammit, James!

Particularly in the South Australian region,

which you'll be happy about, Nicole.

Got you, sorry. Um... That's... that's gonna stain.

Um, and if these trends continue

within the current production window... Going down!

Mmm. Yum.

Oh, yeah, so I might pop off to the toilet.

Nicole, can you take over for a second?

- Want to have a sip or anything? - No.

No? OK, yeah, as I said, I'm going to the toilet.

Drew, could you give me a hand in there with something?

Barefoot CEO.

Barefoot man.

Got big feet.

What?

Dad, let me sleep in.

I'm not Dad.

What? Who are you? I'm you, two years from now.

Nah. You look nothing like me!

You serious? Where are your glasses?

I must've left them in the bathroom.

Here, have mine.

- Whoa! - I know!

You are so rugged!

And you look so smooth!

Thank you. I've been using Dove.

Look, we don't have much time.

I was given a wish and I decided to come back to now

to tell you to put a bet on a horse that's gonna win us 2 million.

Sorry, what?

You had a dream last night about a barefoot CEO?

Yeah.

But you were given a wish

and you decided to come back to now to get me to place a bet?

Yeah.

Why didn't you just wish for 2 million?

I don't know. I had a few beers.

Oh, man. You're so dumb.

It doesn't matter. Barefoot CEO is racing today.

Whoa! Barefoot CEO!

But why didn't you just bring all the results back

for the next two years?

Can't you just enjoy the magic of the stituation?

Man, we could've cleaned up!

No offence but have you had some sort of brain damage?

No.

But you do start hitting the bongs pretty hard in 2015.

- Really? - Look, it doesn't matter.

What we need to do is get the 10 grand, put it on Barefoot CEO,

and then we're just gonna be so damn rich.

Great!

Let's do it.

Don't worry, it's ours.

Alright.

Oh! Top of the morning, lovely lady!

I'm rooking for a man.

- Sorry? - From yesterday.

Cleepy man, beeg beard.