Parks and Recreation

.

We need to go over the schedule leading up to the primary.

- Let's talk shop. - Ooh, shop talk!

One of my five favorite types of talk,

along with pillow, girl, real, and TED.

Why are you wearing a poncho?

Oh, because every surface area in your house is sticky.

Last time I was here, I found a melted crayon on my blazer.

Okay.

I have a photo op with Gryzzl tomorrow.

Between now and ten, we have a ton of stuff scheduled.

Looks like we're gonna have to skip the pie-baking event

and the ceremonial squash toss.

- Oh. - Oh, really?

We have to skip that?

I love watching those squashes fly through the air.

I kind of like the way they land.

Me too!

Okay, excuse me,

but I have to get back to a city where things happen.

Okay.

This campaign is about to start in earnest.

Things are about to get real intense.

Leslie, you ready?

- Me Leslie? - Yeah.

Well, I was an actual candidate,

so I think I can handle being a candidate's wife.

I know all the issues inside and out.

Mm. See, that's the problem.

Being the wife of is a minefield.

If you were just a ding-dong,

I would just slap a flag pin on you.

I'd pour some Valium down your throat

and just shove you behind the podium way upstage.

It's the smarties that freak people out.

I think you're underestimating the voters.

I don't think that is possible.

Stephen, be careful!

Poncho!

*

I know you normally hate foundations,

but this one I think you'll actually like.

We take people that don't know what they want to do

and then put them to work doing cool stuff all over the world,

and I start in a couple months.

Well, I had hoped you'd choose a more dignified trade

like masonry or logging,

but you are out of local government,

and that's a step in the right direction.

It's definitely the job I wanted...

But it means that we have to move to Washington.

Well... then bully for you.

If you intend to move,

I suppose you should return the spare key to my house,

the one I gave you years ago when you were my assistant,

for emergencies.

Okay.

Good talk.

This neighborhood

has been mostly abandoned for years,

but now, thanks to the new Gryzzl headquarters,

this district will soon transform

into a hub of innovation for decades to come.

Mr. Wyatt!

Your campaign released a schedule,

and it looks like your wife is skipping the Pie-mary.

Care to explain?

The Pie-mary is a Southern Indiana tradition

where Congressional candidates' wives

face off in a pie-baking contest.

The last contest winner

was June Hartwell's buttermilk meringue.

Last contest loser was all women.

Leslie would be the first candidate's wife

not to enter the Pie-mary.

What kind of a statement are you making by skipping it?

We're--I'm not making any kind of statement.

We're just focusing on bigger issues,

like Ben's $150 million revitalization project.

Pardon me. I need to get through.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Mike Patterson here.

Leslie, you've made it pretty clear

that you don't think homemaking is important.

Do you ever cook for your children,

and who's even watching your children right now,

while you're out God only knows where?

What are you talking about?

I'm standing right here in front of you.

Okay. Take it easy. Let's not get emotional.

Okay. We have to run.

We'll see you all at my economic address.

Thanks for coming, everybody.

What other traditions are you against, Leslie?

Baseball? Hugging your children?

How much did that haircut cost?

None of your business, and thank you for noticing.

My desk was right here,

sitting right on top of it this whole time.

How much money is it?

It's not money.

I told you, it's Ron's key.

I hid it in here years ago.

Ah! Wait!

Yeah, no. No key.

Just a note and a movie ticket stub and four teeth.

"If you are looking for Ron's key,

"I moved it, and you'll never find it.

Cordially, April."

Well, where'd you put it, then?

I don't know. It was eight years ago.

Oh, God.

A key to Ron's house is lost in a government building.

That's his worst nightmare.

Listen, babe.

All we got to do

is train Champion to sniff out Ron's key.

Okay.

All we need is Ron's key to give him a scent.

So give me the key, and I'll get you that key.

No, You're Wrong with Mike Patterson.

Welcome back to the program.

My guest is June Hartwell,

wife of incumbent Congressman, Paul Hartwell.

Now, June, we all know

what Ben Wyatt's wife is really saying.

By skipping the Pie-mary,

she's saying women who love their families are stupid.

Well, Mike, we all make certain choices.

Ms. Knope chose to try to have it all.

I chose to put my family first.

Well, I'm just speculating here,

but do you think that Leslie Knope's actions

indicate that she actually hates her family?

Well, it only took three hours for Jen to be right.

I'm officially a distraction.

I'm gonna enter that Pie-mary.

This is just nonsense. It'll blow over.

And the Pie-mary is ridiculous and antiquated.

But the more they talk about this,

the less they're gonna talk about your economic plan.

Besides, I'm good at making pies,

so I'll win, and then I can promote

my self-published women's rights barbecue cookbook--

The Feminine Mesquite.

Everything's fine.

I had it in a safe place,

and then I moved it to protect it,

and I don't remember where.

I see.

Don't be mad, Ron.

She hid it too good,

and she left a string of clues.

It's an impossible puzzle, and I love puzzles!

A minimal, unhelpful note, these appear to be human teeth,

and what is this?

Twilight: New Moon.

It's a movie, but I've never seen it.

It's, like, about lame werewolves

and vampires and stuff.

Donna likes those things!

Dollars to doughnuts this points us her way.

Finally, a scavenger hunt worthy of my time.

Onward!

Okay.

Snacks given, kids tucked in, books read,

three simultaneous meltdowns for no reason,

kids tucked back in,

one of them briefly got outside somehow,

kids back in bed.

They're all napping.

Okay, I got everything you need for pie domination.

I even got an extra whipped-cream can.

One for baking, one for directly-into-mouth.

Oh, you know me so well.

That might be one of the kids.

Hi, Leslie.

Elise Yarktin

from the Indiana Organization of Women.

Oh, my goodness! Elise, please come in.

Wait!

Are you here to give me the Woman of the Year award?

I have a speech prepared.

Would you like to see it right now?

No.

Leslie, we were thrilled

to find out you were boycotting that ridiculous Pie-mary,

but we just got word you've decided to enter?

Yeah.

Well, I agree that it's dumb, but this is not about me.

It's about Ben, and he will do more for women than Hartwell.

So, you know, lose a battle, win the war.

That kind of thing. It's the way to go.

Look, the Pie-mary is retrogressive

and misogynistic, and if you participate,

we will have no choice

but to protest you and Ben at the event.

Hope you like pies...

in yo' face.

Metaphorically. We'll be civil.