The Big Bang Theory

Oh, my God. I love this chicken.

Oh, you know what they say,

best things in life are free.

Okay, you're right. I eat your food a lot.

Now, how about this?

You can raid my fridge anytime you want.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D-cell battery

with a jar of old pickle juice,

I'll come a-knockin'.

Hey, Raj, you didn't send your RSVP in.

I'm suppose to ask you if you're bringing someone to the wedding.

I'll let you know.

Well, can you make it soon?

There's a battle royale going on over the seating charts.

In one corner, Bernadette's mom, in the other three, mine.

Yeah, I hate wedding receptions.

Yeah, I wish the bride and groom

would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins.

Slip on the ring, disappear, and everyone goes home.

Mm, you liked Professor Geyser's wedding.

They had a make-your-own-sundae bar.

Oh, that was a night to remember.

Do you know, on one trip, I just had a bowl of nuts.

Anyway, you got to let me know if you have a plus one.

Because if not, my mom's trying to sneak in the doctor

who sucked the fat out of her neck.

All right, uh, fine.

I'm coming and I'm bringing somebody.

Uh, Koothrappali plus one.

Who you bringing?

Who are you bringing?!

He's bringing me; who are you bringing?

Wow, what a bunch of Nosey O'Donnells.

Come on, who is it?

I'm not telling.

I'm from Asia, I'm mysterious, deal with it.

Howard aren't having a make-your-own-sundae bar?

I don't think so.

Well, you should.

50% of marriages end in divorce,

but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness.

The Big Bang Theory 5x20 The Transporter Malfunction Original Air Date on March 29, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Hello, Mummy, Daddy. How are you?

Pretty good. Can't complain.

Oh, I'm sure you can.

Just give it a minute.

Listen, uh,

there's something I want to talk to you about.

I wasn't ready until now, but...

I think it's time.

It's finally happening.

You're coming out of the closet, aren't you?

We love you, and we accept your alternate lifestyle.

Just... keep it to yourself.

No, I'm not gay.

If anything, I'm metrosexual.

What's that?

It means I like women

as well as their skin-care products.

Well, if you're not coming out,

why did you call us during the cricket semifinals?

I'm tired of trying to meet someone,

and I think I'd like you to help me find a...

a wife.

And just to clarify...

a female wife?

Yes!

Matchmaking-- very smart move, son.

Much better than marrying for love.

We married for love.

And it's been wonderful!

Quantum physics makes me so happy.

Yeah, I'm glad.

It's like looking at the universe naked.

Hi. Guys got a minute?

Sure. What's up?

Well, I was thinking about Sheldon's little joke

the other night about me eating all your food.

Oh! That was no joke. But...

I understand your confusion,

as I am our group's resident cutup.

I'm sorry,

you are our resident cutup?

Yes.

Oh, prove it.

Knock-knock.

- Who's there? - Interrupting physicist.

Interrupting phys... Muon!

Anyway, I got a little residual check from my commercial,

and I thought, hey, how about I get the guys

a little thank you to pay them back?

So, Sheldon...

ta-da!

A vintage mint-in-box

1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter

with real transporter action.

Hot darn!

Where did you get that?

From Stuart, at the comic book store.

You went to the comic book store by yourself?

Yeah. It was fun.

I walked in, and two different guys got asthma attacks.

Felt pretty good.

This calls for an expression of gratitude.

Ooh, am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug?

No, not this time. Then they wouldn't be special.

Thanks, Penny.

You're welcome.

Don't worry, I didn't forget about you.

Oh...

Leonard, I got you...

a label-maker!

Wow...

No, it's great.

- Also mint-in-box. - Mm.

And I got you a transporter, too!

Awesome!

Look, it was actually designed for

my vintage Mr. Spock action figure.

Oh, that's great! Let's open them up and put him in there.

- Open it?! - Oh, good Lord, no!

Why? They're just toys.

- They're collectibles. - They're mint-in-box.

Come on. Can't we open one up and take a look?

No, don't!

Once you open the box, it loses its value.

Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity.

Gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun

taking it out and playing with it.

Are you sure you want us here when you meet this woman?

Oh, yes.

In my culture, it's expected

to have a chaperone to oversee a first date.

Plus, I want to make a good impression, and no offense,

but with you guys here, I look like I'm six-two.

The nuns always chaperoned the dances at my high school.

They used to make us leave room between us for the Holy Spirit.

Uh, Hindus do the same thing.

Except they leave room for a cow.

Listen, I love your charming racist humor, but any chance

you could not mock my religion while she's here?

Yesterday, you made fun of me for eating lox.

It's different, your people don't worship lox.

Clearly, you've never been to brunch with my cousins.

So, arranged marriages-- the parents just decide

and then you have to get married?

No, no, I get a say in it.

But I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company

than the threesome I've been having

with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth.

Excuse me, are you Rajesh?

Ah, yes.

You must be Lakshmi.

Uh, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Oh! These are my friends.

- This is Bernadette. - Hello.

- And this is Howard. - Nice to meet you.

- You, too. - Please, have a seat.

I'm thinking double wedding.

Dr. Cooper.

Dr. Cooper?

Is someone there?

Down here. On your desk.

Spock?

I need to speak with you.

Fascinating.

The only logical explanation is that this is a dream.

It is not the only logical explanation.

For example, you could be hallucinating

after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut.

Was I hit on the head by a coconut?

I am not going to dignify that with a response.

Now to the matter at hand.

You need to play with the transporter toy.

But it's mint-in-box.

Yes.

And to open it would destroy its value.

But remember, like me,

you also have a human half.

Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response.

Consider this.

What is the purpose of a toy?

To be played with.

Therefore, to not play with it would be...?

Illogical.

Damn it, Spock, you're right.

I'll do it.

Sheldon, wait.

You have to wake up first.

Oh, of course.

Set phasers to dumb, right?

Goodie, goodie, goodie!

This is wrong, this is wrong.

I'm so excited, but this is wrong.

I'm going to do it.

I'm doing it.

I did it.