American Dad!

Aah!

All right, quiet down, everyone.

Shh! Deputy's talking.

Shut your face, Sanders!

Well, it's the start of summer,

or, more officially, our slow season.

Terrorism drops as our Johnny Jihads

trade in their bomb suitcases for bomb pops.

Two strikes, kiss-ass!

Find out what a third gets you!

I dare you!

Anyway, as always,

we will be cutting back to our summer hours.

All right, now! Summertime!

Well, I'm off to the lake house, boys.

Jet Skis and dock sex!

I'm gonna spend my summer giving something back

to the community... chlamydia.

Your guys' plans suck.

I'll be spending another summer at the country club.

Stan, welcome back!

Stan!

Back to work for another summer.

Horatio. Good to be back.

Groundskeepin', keeping the grounds.

Beautiful day. Día bueno.

Hard to believe, after working here 30 summers,

I almost have enough money saved to finally afford a membership.

Ah, then you're just going to become a rich jerk

like the rest of them.

The other day, Mr. Vanderhill...

he stuffed a live swan in his golf bag

as a surprise for his caddy.

You know what the surprise was?

How far that swan took

the caddy's scrotum across the 17th fairway.

Don't worry. I'll never become one of them.

Guys like Vanderhill have been handed

everything their whole lives.

But not me... I've been baking in the sun

on a riding mower that's rattling my butt apart.

I told you... wear seven underwears.

I'm going to actually appreciate this place

because I worked for it.

Kerry, give me a kiss!

My wife is old.

Stop calling my house!

Mm. I... I call her house.

Klaus, this summer heat...

gets a girl a-thinkin'.

What's it all about, man?

Why are we here?

To eat chocolate and get our toes done.

Champagne clink.

Seriously, I'm going to die one day,

and I want to make sure I've left

something behind I can be proud of.

What about your kids?

Meh.

I'm talking about something more permanent.

I want to invent a catchphrase.

Something as profound as "all that and a bag of chips."

Oh, come on.

Don't you think everyone has tried

coming up with a catchphrase?

It's next to impossible.

Well, Klaus, I'm going to do it.

And you can put that frog in the casserole.

Bitch, what'd I just say?

That's Norm MacDonald, right?

How is this Dancing with the Stars?

What a day.

Got a blood blister, smashed my thumbnail black

and fried up one hell of farmer's tan.

Ugh. I know.

I've got one, too.

Can't make fudge out of a waterfall.

What are you doing?

Sounded like there was still some soda left.

I don't like the last half.

It's not as effervescent.

Nope, the bottom's not for me.

I'm what they call a top.

That's a soda from my fridge,

which I bought with money I worked for.

Sorry. I didn't know you wanted it.

My fingers are still sticky.

You can suck on them if you want.

Well, I'll be upstairs

melting pearls on my tummy if you need me.

Steve, you're just like those rich jerks at the club

who don't appreciate what they have

because they've never worked for it.

Got to appreciate to graduate.

Now you have a problem with soda and being rich?

No, I have a problem with people who have it too easy.

I admire the self-made men of this world.

The Levi Strausses,

the Hulk Hogans, the Larry Flynts.

Imagine... overcoming a name like Larry.

Horatio, my son, Steve,

is going to be working with us for the summer.

Welcome aboard.

Thanks.

Aah! What the hell?

That, Steve, is a working man's handshake.

A locked wrist that says

he stands strong by his convictions,

a firm grip that says you can trust him,

plenty of thick calluses

that show he's not afraid to persevere.

Kind of like Shrek's hands.

Aah!

My tip.

Your hands are the exact opposite.

But thankfully, a summer of hard work

will fix you right up.

Steve, you're in luck.

You started here at a good time.

Tomorrow is employee swim.

Ooh, is that where the girls ask the guys?

Uh... huh.

No, once a month, the club gives us an hour

early in the morning to swim in the pool

right before they drain it.

It's magic.

Oh, no. It's Vanderhill!

A bird distracted me on my backswing.

It was going...

That's not my name, and it was saying it right at me.

Yes, Mr. Vanderhill. Yes, Mr. Vanderhill.

I'm sure it was a female.

Now, go find its nest and smash its offspring

before I shoot you with my turd gun.

Yes, Mr. Vanderhill. Yes, Mr. Vanderhill.

Roger?

Hey!

Why didn't my dad recognize you?

Oh, everyone in the family

has one persona they can't see through.

Your mom's is my Korean kid

who shoots pool with a giant chopstick.

No way.

And Hayley doesn't realize I'm her sandal repairman.

Get out.

And remember that spin the bottle party you went to?

Yeah.

You were Alicia Wilkner?

We went on seven dates!

Nine. I roofied you on two of them.

Nothing happened. Wink, wink.

But how can you afford a membership here?

Concise story.

Several years ago, I married some 95-year-old bag

two weeks before she kicked it.

Reverse Anna Nicole Smithed her.

Her daughter was not thrilled.

You're never going to get your mom's money, Pamela!

Why you dressed like Peter Venkman?

It's Doctor, and because Dad got me a job

to teach me the value of hard work.

You mean he's teaching you to be a chump.

Come on, Steve. Suckers like him just glorify hard work

because they never had an opportunity to not work hard.

Believe me, everyone takes the easy way if they can.

That's why we tell fart jokes.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Ah, this water feels good on my jeans.

Where's Steve?

Can't believe he's missing employee swim.

Vanderhill.

Steve, what are you doing?

I'm so sorry, Mr. Vanderhill.

Silence, worker.

I've decided to give your boy a job

hanging out with me for the summer.

I like him. He makes me laugh.

Looks like it's tee time, boys.

You can't teach that.

Oh, and by the by, I pay like I walk...

handsomely.

That's not a job.

He's just getting paid to... to lounge around.

I'm sorry... is an employee talking back to a member?

Didn't think so.

Steve, meet the fellas.

This is Dill Shepherd and Johnny Golf.

Actually, it's Johnny Golf Swimandtennis,

but that's a real mouthful.

The calamari, the rib eye,

the turkey club, the key lime pie

and the crab-stuffed Dover sole?

Yo!

That's enough of that.

Steve, honey, finish pushing that onto the floor for me.

Good boy. Here's a hundo.

I don't like this, Horatio.

These are not the type of people

I want my son to be influenced by.

Don't worry, Stan. He's a good kid.