American Dad!

Aah!

Attention, everyone.

As you all know, there has been an alien

on the loose for quite some time now.

I've checked my house. He's not in my house.

Good work, Smith.

Still, the search could use a little boost.

Everyone, meet freelance alien bounty hunter,

Shannon Sharpe.

Glad to be aboard.

Shannon Sharpe? The football guy?

Yeah. I hunt aliens now.

Used to catch TDs; now I catch ETs.

You ever caught an alien, Shannon?

Not yet, Mr. Question,

but I'll let you know when I do.

Anyone with any helpful information

should report it to Shannon Sharpe immediately.

Let's bring in this damn alien once and for all.

Yes! Let's bring it in!

I want to bring it in so bad!

You are a complicated man, Smith.

I would love to do mushrooms with you.

Oh, no! I overslept!

Oh, no! I'm out of undies!

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Thanks for holding the bus, Judy.

I overslept.

I didn't even get to study for my test today.

Steve, what the hell are you wearing?

Ah, man. I must have grabbed a pair

of Hayley's underwear from the dryer.

This day can't get any worse!

Those are Hayley's?

Let me smell them.

Snot, we're on the bus.

I'm not going to take them off.

That's not what I asked.

Thanks for meeting me here between classes.

No problem.

You doing the Nigerian medical student?

Yep. First one in my village

to pretend to become a doctor.

Listen, the CIA's getting serious about finding you.

You need to be extra careful with your disguises.

Don't worry, Stan.

I commit to my personas down to the last detail.

By the way, I just inherited U.S. $22 million,

of which I'll give you 45%

if you can just wire me the taxes up front.

Thanks.

Oh, my God. Scarlett Reynolds.

We were in CIA boot camp together.

I haven't seen her in 20 years.

Oh, my God! Coffee and a story.

Man, was I in love.

We were inseparable.

It was the most romantic time of my life.

Wow, Stan. That's amazing.

Why did you guys break up?

Oh, none of that was real.

We were at boot camp together,

but everything else was just a fantasy.

Come on. Penguins don't have nipples.

Anyway, I never worked up the courage

to tell her I liked her.

I can't say I blame you, Staniel.

She's a looker.

I think I'm going to ask her out.

You?!

You three-foot-tall, gray, disgusting piece of (bleep)!

Scarlett's an angel.

You're a pig.

She would never go for you.

Listen, you, that hurts.

I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person,

but you... you cracked it.

Congratulations.

Scones here are super flaky.

Stan?

Stan Smith?

Who's there? Who's that?

Scarlett Reynolds, from CIA boot camp.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

I'm in town on business.

Are you still working at the CIA?

Hardly working, or am I hard?

I'm hard. How are you?

Great. I left the agency after boot camp,

and now I work in the private sector.

Privates!

You look great.

We've got to catch up.

Yes. Yes.

Come over for dinner.

I'm married, but most people get divorced these days.

Come on.

Ooh, yeah, here we are.

Damn it!

Klaus, I just had the luckiest day.

My hair was perfect, we had French bread pizza at lunch,

and the old black janitor said to me, and I quote,

"You lookin' fly. Go get it now."

Hard to believe the day turned out so great,

considering it started with me

accidentally putting on Hayley's panties.

Hold up.

Have you considered those might be lucky panties?

What, like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,

but with panties instead of pants

and me instead of Tibby Rollins?

Ugh. Why do you say stuff like that, man?

Look, all I'm saying is, lucky clothes are a thing.

If you don't believe me, test them out.

Lucky panties!

I hope Scarlett likes our flatware.

Why wouldn't she?

'Cause it sucks, Francine!

We have terrible flatware!

Stan, calm down.

You're so nervous.

Wouldn't you be if the love of your life

was about to walk through that door?

The love of your life?

This girl made my knees weak,

my palms sweaty, my butt leak.

You ever felt that way, Francine?

Stan, my feelings are starting to get hurt.

You know what? You're making me not want to tell you things.

Open it.

So, Scarlett, is there a man in your life?

Or a woman?

Or a big blue ma-ma-ma-ma-ma friend?

Nah. I'm still single.

I guess I just haven't found the one.

Hey! Hey, you're available.

And I'm not. What a world.

What a horrible world.

Whew, I think I'm getting dizzy from your wine.

I think I'm getting dizzy from your fine.

Oh, for God's sake.

I'm going to go...

Doesn't matter... you're not paying any attention.

I don't know. Surprise me.

Ugh.

You ever wish someone you know would die?

You would...

I'm sorry.

Just a second. I...

What?

You wouldn't believe what a D-bag Stan is being.

He's got his old boot camp crush down there.

Those two are stuck on each other like gum

on a hot summer sidewalk on a summer afternoon.

I'm sorry.

I'm taking a creative writing class,

and I can't turn it off.

Like a fire hydrant,

gushing onto a hot summer sidewalk.

My words cascading,

like water onto a hot summer sidewalk.

A cat skitters by, each step a relief,

cooling its paws

from the hot summer sidewalk.

Oh, I know all about Scarlett.

Your bastard husband told me I was too disgusting to get her.

I was so upset, I ate a donut.

That's why I skipped dinner.

I got a pizza coming.

So many toppings.

God, I'm pissed at Stan.

He needs to be taken down a peg.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

All the time, bitch. Good.

So you'll interrupt this dinner

dressed in your most charming, irresistible persona.

Dan Andsome-Handsome.

No woman can resist him.

Whoo!

Just hearing his name makes me hot.

Like a hot summer sidewalk.

An ice cream man saunters...

Okay.

Okay, Scarlett, this is ten quarters.

If I can do it, you have to kiss me.

Okay, one more time.

- One more time. - Sorry I'm late.

Name's Dan Andsome-Handsome.

You're the most stunning woman I've ever seen.

Uh... I'm Scarlett.

Mmm.

Let me take you out, show you my Langley Falls.

Uh, Dan, I...

I hardly think Scarlett's going to have time to...

I'd love to.

All right, Stan, don't make a scene.

Just say something witty and exit on the laugh.

So jealous!

Bye, Scarlett. Drive safe.