Desperate Housewives

Previously on "Desperate housewives"...

Gaby learned a secret.

Lee and I are trying to adopt a baby.

Mike made a commitment but I can be a guy who takes care of his family.

Lynette was warned.

I told Preston I want to move up wedding to next week, next week?

A killer put everyone on edge can't believe she is dead

I gotta go home, my mom was so freaked out,

it could have been me she wants me to be around

so you're my brother?

Half-brother, to be precise.

Suspicious was born and what do we really know about Sam?

should be to find out everything I can.

Why shouldn't you? He's your brother.

And a very dangerous man arrived on Wisteria Lane.

Good neighbors...

they loan you cups of sugar...

they tell you why your car won't start...

They even help you find your lost pets.

Good neighbors also come over

at the slightest hint of trouble...

Whether you want 'em there or not.

- Being unreasonable! - You know what?

I'm tired of fighting about this.

Okay, fine. Walk away. It's what you always do.

Gaby, what are you doing?

I came to return this magazine Lee lent me,

but you two were arguing, so...

So you decided it would be fun to eavesdrop?

God, it's like you see into my soul,

and yet you don't judge. Thank you.

Oh, come on. Tell me what happened.

Our egg donor backed out.

Not again.

And the surrogate we hired will pull out

if the procedure isn't done in the next month.

Well, can't you find another egg donor?

We could, if Lee wasn't so picky.

Why are you discussing this with her?

For God sakes, I was eavesdropping. Catch up.

Okay, yeah, I'm picky.

We spent two years choosing a mattress.

I'm not just going to get our child's DNA out of the yellow pages.

If we lose the surrogate,

it could take months to find another one.

Yeah, and then she'll drop out for some ridiculous reason,

and I can't take any more of this!

- You know, maybe we're not supposed to be parents. - Don't talk like that!

Come on! Doesn't it seem like

- the universe is trying to tell us something? - Why not take mine?

- Take your what? - My eggs.

I mean, I've got plenty, and I hate to see you guys so unhappy.

So what the heck?

Good neighbors... they're people who try to help others.

Bad neighbors are people who make promises they can't possibly keep.

The morning paper said a young girl was missing.

It quoted her family, who said she had vanished on her way to work.

It quoted her friends, who said she wasn't the type to run away from home.

It quoted the police, who said they had very little evidence to go on.

Sadly, people didn't pay much attention to this bit of news.

No one thinks about evil

until it shows up on their doorstep, which it soon would.

Oh, my God. Thief!

Hey! You!

- Freeze! - Whoa! Whoa! Lady, put that thing down.

Oh, yeah? While I'm at it, why don't I just hand you the keys?

- Now hit the dirt! - Relax. I'm not stealing anything.

This is a repossession.

Do I look stupid to you? Fire! Fire!

What the hell are you doing?

People come quicker when you yell "fire."

Now I believe I told you to hit the dirt!

Where's the fire?

Susan, you okay?

I'm fine. Just call 9-1-1!

Hey, what's going on? This thief is trying to steal your truck!

Hey. You're the guy who's four months behind on his payments?

Yeah.

Stop, drop and roll!

Stop, drop and roll!

Why didn't you tell me you were having money problems?

I was hoping business would pick up before anybody found out.

But I guess that's no longer an option.

Mike, we talked about this.

I told you, I am willing to help.

And I told you, I'm not taking my wife's money.

Well, enough with the macho pride.

I make a steady paycheck,

and I have all that money from selling Karl's strip club.

No. I'm definitely not taking your ex-husband's money.

- Are we done here? - Sure. As long as you can explain

how you're going to run a plumbing business without a truck.

I don't know. I'll figure it out.

And for the cover of the book, I see you in an evening gown,

sitting on a bale of hay, ringing a dinner bell.

I love it. Such a sense of whimsy.

Well, if it isn't the dynamic duo.

How did your meeting with the publisher go?

Fantastic.

Bruce loved the idea of a nouvelle southern cookbook.

And your brother came up

with the marketing slogan in the room. Tell him, Sam.

"Mrs. Van De Kamp introduces you to upscale down-home cuisine."

Catchy. I... I guess you know all about marketing,

having an MBA and all.

I guess so.

Except, of course, you don't actually have an MBA.

What are you talking about?

I made a few calls, checked a few records.

Turns out the golden child never got his degree.

Is this true?

Yes. I'm a few classes short.

Is one of them ethics?

Andrew, please.

I don't understand.

It was the final semester.

We were about two months in

when the doctor told me my mother was terminal.

I left school and brought her home

so she didn't have to die in the hospital.

If you like, I can save you a phone call

and bring in her death certificate.

That's okay.

The university let me graduate with my class.

I should finish my coursework next month.

But I'm sorry, Bree.

I should not have misrepresented myself.

Everyone steps over the line now and then.

Let's all make an effort not to, shall we?

This woman is incompetent. Why you bring me here?

Hey, you're the one who had to come to a Russian bridal shop.

It was mistake.

Well... look at the fun you're having

chewing people out in your native tongue.

Hey.

Sorry for the way she's been talking to you.

Don't worry. You're not losing a son. You are gaining a pain in the ass.

Tell me about it.

My son is marrying a woman he barely knows.

He's making the biggest mistake of his life,

and I am powerless to stop him.

If you like, maybe I get a little sloppy with the pushpins.

Aw, you're sweet.

Irina? It's your phone.

If it's Preston, tell him I be home soon.

Okay, your highness.

Bride's phone.

Irina...

Okay. Slow down. I... I don't speak Russian.

Irina, it's some Russian guy, and he doesn't sound happy.

Alexei...

Who was that?

Wrong number.

Wrong number? He asked for you by name.

If I wanted you to know, I would say it in English.

Missus?

I can say it in English.

Hey. Double cappuccino, extra hot.

Need anything else?

Inspiration.

Sorry. We just have muffins.

What are you working on?

A novel.

I know... another guy in a coffee shop writing a novel.

- Just what the world needs. - No, I think it's cool.

Mind if I ask what it's about?

You really wanna know?

I do.

It started out as a love story,

but it's getting kind of dark.

This guy meets this girl,

takes her from nothing,

gives her life meaning.

Basically creates her.

Okay.

Then one day, she just disappears...

vanishes...

with another man.

Sucks for the guy.

And she takes his baby.

Damn. Well, she sounds like a bitch.

Sure does.

Anyhow, I'm up to the point

where the guy who's been looking for her for a long time

finally tracks her down.

And that's where I'm kind of stuck.

What does he do?

Well, I don't know all the details,

but you said it was dark, right?

Yeah.

Seems to me the guy would kill her.

Funny. That was exactly my first instinct, too.

No.

- No? - You asked my permission to be an egg donor, and I said "no."

Oh, I wasn't asking you. I was telling you.

Sorry. You can't do this without my approval.

Those eggs are half mine.

- How so? - I'm your husband.

I own 50 percent of whatever comes out of that uterus.

Oh! So you think you own my body.