The Grand Tour

*THE GRAND TOUR* Season 03 Episode 11 Episode Title: "Sea to Unsalty Sea"

Thank you so much.

They're a rowdy bunch.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Hello, and welcome to what is a Grand Tour mini-special.

It's all based around here

in this rather troubled part of the world.

You've got Syria and Iraq and Iran, sort of at the bottom.

And then at the top you've got Russia.

But in-between you have this sliver of peace and prosperity.

And that got us thinking.

You see, if you live on the shores of the Black Sea

and you're partial to a bit of fish, you're fine.

But... What if you like bream?

You see, bream likes fresh water.

And the Black Sea is salty.

The nearest fresh water is all the way over here in the Caspian.

And that is a thousand kilometres away.

Yeah, so we were wondering, if you have to drive all that way for your supper,

what would be the best car?

Obviously, you'd need some sort of GT, but which one?

The new Aston Martin DBS? The new Bentley Continental GT?

Or the newerer BMW 8 Series?

Now this is exactly the sort of question this show was designed to answer.

So, this week, we took The Grand Tour to Batumi,

in the former Soviet State of Georgia.

The meeting point was on the shores of the Black Sea,

and naturally enough James May was the last to arrive.

In the new BMW 8 Series.

God, it doesn't look anything like as good in the flesh as it did in the pictures.

It is disappointing in the metal. I'm afraid that's the case.

- And brown! - What?

- Brown! - It's sunburst orange.

- Mate, that's a brown car. - Sunburst orange.

- It's brown! - Orange!

- It looks very like a Toyota. - It doesn't.

Is it on delivery wheels - are they specially for delivering it?

- What are you talking about? - Those little wheels

they can move it around on.

That's what I mean. They're not big enough, are they?

- Can you have a 22-inch wheel? - No.

- Why not? - Why would you want a 22-inch wheel?

- It would spoil the ride. - It would fill the arches.

- Yeah. - Ooh, ooh, ooh!

And I suspect... criminal offence.

- What? - Anyone who puts an M badge

on a BMW that isn't an M BMW has to go to prison.

So this is one of those M cars that isn't an M car.

- They've done that before. - No, it's not the M8.

- Why does it say M8 on it? - Because it's the M Sport, in effect.

So M Sport just means

- not an M, doesn't it? - Yeah.

But it's in-between the M and the normal cars.

That's why you have M Sport 5 Series, for example.

This is like Elton John's Greatest Hits

without Your Song or Tiny Dancer on it.

James, I don't want to be childish about this now...

- Do you not? But you're going to. - I hate your gear lever.

- I love it. - Look at it!

I think that's fantastic.

And the rest... it's a horrible gear lever

in a boring interior.

That's contemporary and tasteful.

Let's look at yours. What have you got?

You've got the new Bentley

that's the same as the old Bentley.

Apart from being a completely new car.

- Yeah, but it looks the same. - It doesn't look the same.

It's complete... different front end. Different size.

- No, it looks like an Aventador. - Different back.

- No. - It's a completely new car.

This monochrome Union Jack applied by Germans?

Yes?

There is some German involved.

- Chassis? German. - Yeah.

- Engine? German? - Yeah.

Oh, no, the Germans have done all the tech and engineering.

That'll... No, wait, it will be brilliant.

What?

It's a bit... I use the word advisedly - it's a bit camp.

- It's not camp! - It is.

- What's camp about that? - It's all pleated and

leathery and... Urgh!

It does give good occasion, that.

That is a special event.

Does Liberace pop up out of the centre console

and play the piano for you?

You see, the reason I'm not having a go at your interior

is my Aston has been delivered with Birmingham spec.

- That's horrible! - Ooh, that's quite vivid, isn't it?

I mean, worryingly for you, I quite like that interior.

You like that? Exactly.

So this is...it's a DB11.

Well, no. It's the DBS.

- Superleggera. - Because it's very light, isn't it?

- Is it? - That's what superleggera means, yeah?

It's 72 kilograms lighter than a DB11.

And no more expensive.

- It's a bit more expensive. - How much more expensive?

- It's £67,000 more... - Yes.

-...than the DB11. - How much is it?

A lot.

Is it something like a quarter of a million pounds?

- No! - What is it, then?

- A little bit less. -230?

- A bit less. -225?

- Yes. - Mine's £100,000.

It's contemporary and it's modern.

It's no good saying, "It looks Japanese" as if that's a slur.

- The Japanese advanced the car massively. - No, no, that just means...

Eventually, we decided to stop arguing

and drive from here on the Black Sea

right through Georgia and Azerbaijan

to the Caspian for a nice piece of grilled bream.

Funny thing is, I've no idea what to expect on this journey.

I mean, I've seen the Grand Prix from Azerbaijan

and I've seen Borat.

Hmm... Which is it?

I don't know what the roads are gonna be like.

I mean, should we be doing this in pick-up trucks?

Or tanks?

I mean, this is the former Soviet Union.

It doesn't look it, but it is.

Whatever. The roads at this point were fine.

So, we could get to know our cars.

The question I really want to answer on this journey is this:

How can the DBS be worth £67,000 more than the DB11

when, from where I'm sitting...

they appear to be exactly the same.

At first, you're forced to say, "Well, it isn't."

This interior simply isn't good enough

in a £225,000 car.

Just not even close.

You look at the Bentley and you go, "That is an interior."

It's chintzy, but it's...

fabulous.

However, as we left the city,

the DBS's true colours started to shine through.

This is by far the most powerful car here, and the lightest.

And the most sort of aggressive.

And yet it just glides along, in GT mode,

which I'm in now - Grand Touring mode.

It's like a hovercraft.

Whooosh!

I'm driving a twin-turbo-charged VI2.

I can go 211mph.

And I can whisper at 70.

But when you shift from GT mode to Sport mode,

it's a very different animal.

Ready?

Jesus Christ. Whoo!

Right, there's a small difference there

between the DB11 and... and this.

I'm afraid you're going to have to face facts, both of you.

You're in wheelbarrows and I'm in a spaceship.

Ahh.

An old man imagining he's James Bond.

The thing is, if we're going to talk about long-legged,

luxurious, continent-crossing GT cars

we're talking about Bentleys.

They're the definitive GTs.

Whisper-quiet, velvety-smooth,

a hint of massive power waiting.

626 horsepower under my right foot.

Ooh-hoo, my word.

Ha-ha!

But the GT car, first and foremost,

has got to be a nice place to be.

Because, by definition, you're going to spend a lot of time in it.

And this is a fine place to be.

This finish on the centre console - this metal here -

is aluminium that's been milled in the same way

that they mill aluminium inserts in the back of expensive watches.

If I press this button here I can rotate between my different screens.

Oh, analogue dials and clocks!

In the centre of the dash, thank you.

The problem for me with the Bentley and the Aston

is that they're actually a bit too hung-up on being British.

It is a bit of a British disease. We can't shake it off.

We're obsessed with phoney heritage

and the meaning of tradition.

It's all just nonsense, really.

Actually, if you want to talk about heritage and traditions

then the BMW has the strongest.

It's still made in Munich by the same company.

They make their own bits.

And some of those bits are very good.

It has a 4.4-litre twin-turbo-charged V8,

developing 523 horsepower.

It also has four-wheel drive, rear-wheel steering,

and adaptive anti-roll bars.

It has an eight-speed gear box.

It's not twin clutch, but it is flappy paddle, and it is very sharp.

There we go - drop it down to three.

This is a proper car.

Not tinsel!

After James had finished his interesting lecture

on what's wrong with Britain,

May started to think about buying some fruit.

Anybody need a lemon?