Blood Relatives

Oy vey.

There's always tonight.

You think

I'm gonna take health advice from a doctor?

They make money off the sick.

And it's in my liberal doctor's interest this thing be done.

Getting diabetes is my right, both types.

To actually hear the truth-

Hey, hey pal, your uh, your sign says you're open

'til eight.

I think I got five minutes, right?

Can I come in?

I know exactly what I need.

Hello?

Put a cast

iron pan in a dishwasher.

Hi, I need two carb gaskets.

What is that, five bucks?

I'll give you 10.

I just closed.

Yeah, I know.

I was right outside.

That was me, I was here with minutes to spare.

Come back tomorrow.

Come on, I, I schlepped all the way down here.

You did what?

Schlep.

Yeah, what is that?

Yiddish.

Yid?

Ish.

No.

Come on man.

Be a mensch.

Be a person.

Why should I?

Hiya.

Hi.

I need a room.

Here?

Why not?

To each his own, ID and credit card.

You mind cash?

I left my wallet at a waffle house in racine,

real bonehead move,

but luckily I keep some cash in the glove box

for emergencies.

That's real smart.

I too have made some regrettable decisions

at a waffle house, they tempt you.

With the waffles, that's how they get you.

It is.

Well, there's no waffle house in town,

but we do have a former taco- bell-pizza-hut combination,

that's now a vape shop,

and an old American legion with a beer license.

The vets that ran it all died,

and they just let anybody drink in there.

All the bases covered, how much?

Usually it's $27.95,

but the water heater went out last week. Um,

you wanna make it $20?

Sounds fair.

Fellas?

The fibanatti

are putting chemicals in wing sauce

to make men docile and submissive.

It's the only explanation of why we have been primed.

Hey!

I need a shower.

You wanna be here this bad,

you really got nowhere else to be,

but we do have rules about guests,

especially ones that ain't ripe.

The girl?

She didn't look a day over 16.

What girl?

You seem like a nice man,

but a lot of bad men seem like nice men.

That is how they get ya.

Behave yourself.

Ah!

Tuchas leker!

Hand me that.

No, the bucket with the ice in it.

Get outta here.

You want me to open the door again?

I don't have anything.

Your car.

I'm not giving you my car.

1969 barracuda fastback with a 383 in blue.

That's the one.

They made two shades, ice blue code b-3 and blue fire.

That one was b-5, that one was rare.

I didn't know which blue it was.

They also made a b-7, Jamaica blue.

Not in the 383.

They only made 272 fastbacks in the 383

and a slap stick automatic,

and only 16 in ice blue, 11 in blue fire.

- Yours is blue fire. - Mine is blue fire.

Of those 11 there's only three still registered.

One is in Portsmouth, Maine,

and belongs to a retired orthodontist.

Another is for sale in Miami by a broker,

but it has the a57 'cuda package, yours doesn't.

The third's registered to an elderly woman in Minnesota.

That's my aunt, car's hers.

How the fuck do you know this?

The Internet.

And how'd you find me?

The Internet.

Who are you?

I'm Vanessa Murray's daughter, from elk river, Idaho.

You passed through 15 years ago.

Hand me that.

The other one.

She worked at the only bar in town.

She heard a recording of götterdämmerung

coming from your car when you pulled in.

Wagner, opera.

She was 22, said you were older.

Nah, I'll be 31 this year, couldn't be me.

You stood in the doorway and asked if you could come in.

You were wearing a black leather jacket, like that.

You stayed until closing, just you and her.

She sang you brunhilde's immolation.

You told her it was the most beautiful thing

you'd ever heard.

You drove her home in the blue barracuda,

and her heart beat as fast as the motor.

You spent another hour in the car together.

It was a Wednesday.

Go tell your mother she's mistaken.

She died three weeks ago.

Oh.

It was her heart.

Since I was born.

What are you getting at?

I go out, have to cover up a lot.

Always wear sunscreen, spf a million, avoided recess,

but I can go out during the day.

What's your name?

Jane.

Got anything to eat?

Jesus says, to love thy neighbor.

Well, what if your neighbor doesn't love Jesus?

Can I help you?

You got any jerky?

Anything with meat in it?

No.

Where are you from?

Around.

How old are you, hun?

18.

Told him I don't abide this type of thing.

Sort you out as soon as I take care of him.

Holy shit.

Hey, lady, you got the wrong idea.

Just hold up.

I don't got no idea and I don't want any,

his ass is goin' and yours is moving on.

No no, he's my dad.

That's just disgusting.

I know you gotta do what you gotta do,

but that kind of thing strikes me as quite inappropriate.

Seriously? Look, you can't go in there.

Hey guy, I'm coming in and you're going out.

Little help, little bit!

Don't worry about it, I got it.

Shut the front door.

Thanks for this.

She was coming in to shoot you.

I could've handled it.

It's not like I killed her.

Well, you think she's just gonna wake up

and forget about this?

You know, I need to keep a low profile.

Oh,

in your exotic cartoon muscle car

that you drive around the country all night?

It's not exotic, it's domestic.

What do, a we, slash you, do now?

Well, I didn't attack her.

No, no.

You just checked into a motel under false pretenses,

and did not have some lot lizard teen girl

disappear into your room all day.

You're not a lot lizard, are you?

No, I'm just describing the optics.

Well, what do you think we should do?

I saw you, with the guy at the auto parts store.

What did you see, exactly?

Something that explains why I never get out of breath.

Why I sleep in, why I need my burgers rare.

That guy was an asshole, and an antisemite.

I'm still hungry.

Have you ever.

No.

I mean.