The Great North

This is Diondra Tundra, live at City Hall,

where we are moments away from finding out

who will serve as interim mayor

while Mayor Peppers undergoes a reverse vasectomy.

While he's getting his junk back,

we're getting a town hall snack.

They're talking about you, babe.

Well, now, let's not jinx it.

While write-in votes are yet to be counted,

according to exit polls,

Councilperson Roy and Council Eagle Toby

are neck and feathered neck with Wolf Tobin,

seen here in his official campaign photo.

Babe, I think you really are going to frang the dang thing.

Well, don't count out those write-in votes just yet.

Lone Moosers love a write-in.

They get their head turned pretty easily.

Indeed. Last time Mayor Peppers was out,

everyone wrote in Mrs. Laramie just because she'd given out

full-sized candy bars for Halloween the previous fall.

Well, now she's been dead for five years.

So I just might frang this.

Mr. and Mrs. Michelle Obama?

Of course, I'd love to start a podcast together

Whoo! I can't wait to give the town of Lone Moose

a full-sized bar called my heart.

So, does Lone Moose always elect a short-term mayor

when the regular mayor takes a sick day?

Only when anesthesia is involved.

Otherwise, Lone Moose officials pride themselves

on unnecessarily powering through illnesses.

Our last mayor passed a kidney stone

while reading to first graders at the library.

If You Give a Moose a Muffin

gets pretty existential when screamed.

Jerry, would you like any more boneless barbecue bacon bites?

Oh, no, thanks, I'm full.

Uh, did I tell you they were free?

You did, like a dozen times.

Jerry, these guys are very weird about free stuff.

-They can't resist it. -This is Alaska.

If someone offers you anything for free,

you take it and you run like hell.

-Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. -That's true.

This is it. They're announcing the final results.

With all the votes counted, Wolf Tobin does have the lead...

Woo-hoo!

...among official candidates.

But the actual winner is a write-in.

Wolf Tobin was hoping to take home a win tonight,

but Honeybee Shaw-Tobin beat him to it.

Wait, I won? Wolf, I'm-I'm...

Yeah, oh...

it's all right, I... uh...

Aw, babe, You know I'd never win against you on purpose.

Unless it was some kind of fun casino scheme

where we split the profits after.

You know, uh, maybe I'll just have

a little drink to, uh, celebrate.

Uh, but I should probably open this campaign champagne

outside so I don't risk injuring our new interim mayor.

It's not a big deal that you didn't win, Wolf.

You're better than this.

Having a hot wife that everyone likes much, much more than you

is no reason to be jealous.

Yeah, what's important is that you tried your best

and instead it went someone who didn't try at all.

Why isn't this making me feel better?

Aah! Susan Sarandon's brother Brandon, that hurt.

Okay, I'm gonna go back in there and be supportive.

It's like the Rolling Stones say,

"You can't always get what you want, but your wife can.

And that's okay, too, because maybe she'll have leftovers."

Did somebody say Lone Moose has a sexy new mayor

with a strong, supportive husband?

So, you're not upset about losing?

I was for a second, but now I'm 100% behind you

and ready to hitch my wagon to your caboose.

-Toot-toot! -Well, okay, then.

Because now that it's sunk in, I'm pretty excited.

I've always wanted a chance to have some real responsibility.

At the curtain store, it felt like Dad would never

let me in on the big decisions like which new styles to order.

Or how long to let a customer stay in the bathroom

before giving a concerned knock.

Well, here's your first decision as mayor:

would you like a hooray hug or a congratulations kiss?

Ooh, both.

See, I'm gonna be great at this.

And I'm going to be great at standing right beside you

every step of the way.

It'll almost be like I'm mayor, too.

Yeah, but I'm actually the mayor.

Of course, of course.

Honeybee Shaw-Tobin, with the power vested in me,

I hereby appoint you Interim Mayor.

Oh, you're done. I assumed there'd be like a ball,

with like a live orchestra, and maybe Elsa's there

and she freezes the town, and then Hans--

Ah, you're in a Frozen spiral, sweetie.

-Right, right. -You do get to wear the sash.

Sorry, there's a little mustard stain on it from the last guy.

I should be fully recovered by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow,

and then I'll be ready...

to be your next American Idol.

Oh-oh! Sorry, the medication might be kicking in a little.

Don't worry, Mayor Peppers, Lone Moose is in great hands.

Here's your coffee, my governmental goddess.

They didn't have any milk,

so I used a little dollop of sour cream.

Oh, and I did have to use a stapler as a stir stick

and one staple did get in, but I fished it right out.

Oh, you're... staying?

Yeah. I figured, since I did all that research

on Lone Moose for my campaign,

I might as well keep my brain right here for you to pick.

Oh, okay, that's fine.

I bet even Beyoncé brings Jay-Z to work sometimes

in case she needs someone

to get her a new mouse pad or something.

Oh, you're going to sit right here?

Right over my shoulder? Okay.

Like a little guardian angel. Or a very erotic parrot.

-Terrific. -Ca-caw, ca-caw!

Polly wants some politics.

Good morning, Interim Mayor Honeybee and regular Wolf.

Good morning, Councilperson Gwen, Stephanie.

Tell me everything I need to know about interim mayoring.

You can use the private bathroom,

you can print anything you want all day,

and some people like to bang the gavel in the meeting room.

Oh, you brought your computer.

Oh, yes, but don't mind me,

just taking some notes.

"Honeybee bang gavel, comma, go potty."

Wait, so that's all I do today?

I don't make any decisions?

You can decide where we order lunch from.

But don't leave leftovers in the fridge.

That's my pet peeve.

Ready to go bang the gavel?

- I guess. - Ding ding!

Ding ding!

Why did you take away the counter bell?

Uh-oh, Vera's here with her daily complaints.

We took away the bell because she just rings it

and rings it when the mayor won't see her.

Now she just yells till she falls asleep,

and then we put her in her car.

Huh. Well, send her in.

Are you sure? She's terrible.

I can handle it. I'm the mayor.

That's what I'm here for.

Ding ding! Ding ding!

Hello, new idiot.

I'd like to move my fence

-five feet back and-- -Done!

Wait, really?

Okay, I just need you to sign this.

Oh, uh, actually--

Only five feet, right?

That's like the five-second rule, but with distances.

Just a moment, my nubile notary--

Oh, do I not have the power to do this?

Well, you do, actually.

But there's actually a whole process

for re-fencing in Lone Moose,

and I do recommend we follow it

because just to the northwest--

Uh, we can circle back to this riveting geography lesson later.

-It's a yes. -Thanks.

I'm glad I voted for you as a joke.

That was awesome.

I feel so energized and powerful,

like a Lady Cocaine Bear.

So, you don't just want to spend the day

looking for giant scissors and asking if we have nukes?

I definitely will do both of those things,

but I'm here to help, too.

Okay, in that case,

I have a small proposal I'd love to run by you.

There are no small proposals, just small mayors.

Which, to be clear, is different than short kings,

who I love and respect.

See, Lone Moose has had a noise curfew of 8:00 p.m.

since the 1800s, originally put in place

when the home harpsichord was invented,

and it's really a bummer for the karaoke night I host.

Oh, Stephanie, no.

Mm-hmm. If I can't sing the entire soundtrack

to Broadway's Liam Neeson's Taken: The Musical

at my own party, is this even America?

Not to me. Where's that bill?

Now, Honeybee, I don't want to Wolf-splain this to you,

but in a small Alaskan town,

even the tiniest decisions can be a big deal.

You would not believe the brouhaha that erupted

when the city council let two different coffee shops