Barbara and Bill

I'm Kate Berlant.

Whereas I'm John Early

- And I would've done a no makeup makeup look

if I had known that I'd be on camera right now.

Today we're giving these comedians

a total transformation.

So crazy.

They have no idea who or what

they're about to become.

Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

Oh my god.

This is Very Important People.

Oh my God, I'm so excited.

- Oh my god. - Wow.

Wow. - I know.

Oh my god.

- Wow. - This is really scary,

by the way, John.

Hi.

Hi, I love you.

You look hot.

I also had that feeling.

The work ages you,

I've been saying this for years.

You look straight.

- Thank you. - You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I obviously take that as a compliment.

You know what we look like?

Megachurch people.

Oh, totally.

We are gathered here today.

I support my husband.

- She has stood by me through thick and thin

with the accusations hurled at me.

He's innocent.

I didn't touch no one.

It's truly terrifying.

Mom, Dad, I'm gay.

I've known for a long time.

We're definitely married or like.

No, we're married.

- Please, if you have time after world peace,

get us nominated for a Teen Choice Award, amen.

We all have story to tell

and sometimes those stories

need to be shared with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition of Very Important People.

Please introduce yourselves.

Well, I'm Barbara.

I'm Bill.

We're Barbara and Bill.

Yeah, so those are some hard candies.

He shouldn't have hard candy.

Oh, okay, so.

I can have whatever I want, whore.

You shouldn't have hard candy.

Okay.

- So choke. - Don't.

We can't air the episode if somebody dies again, so.

He likes to play with fire.

He walks on the edge, and...

Barbara, I'm fine.

Let me eat the damn candy, Barbara.

- See even that will send a jolt of adrenaline

through my system.

Sorry, is there a soft candy?

Does anyone have a soft candy?

- Can we have a PA fly in a soft candy for Barbara?

It's not gonna be an issue,

Barbara. - I want you safe.

Thank you, thank you so much, okay.

Wow.

- And I'd rather you have a soft chew.

So we're gonna get that going in there.

Water.

Okay, and so we'll just sort of do that.

Well, just take half.

Okay, well, you're on your own.

- Thank you. - Barbara and Bill,

thank you so much for being here today.

- What we're here today to do is to sell soup.

Okay, well, interesting,

'cause you know, we Googled you too when you were coming in

and sort of, a lot of the stuff is about the lead poisoning.

Well, you've probably seen us,

we were blasted on the tabloids for a little while,

but really we've been in the homes

and the hearts of American families

and even some in Canada and East Peru.

- We actually have a clip of that, I believe,

right there if you wanna- - Oh, don't.

Oh.

- We probably should have... - Checked.

Yeah.

Please.

Please respect our privacy at this time.

No comment.

- No comment, and I've made that very clear.

There's nothing to say.

- Get your camera out of my wife's face, sir.

Did you not hear me?

It's okay.

Can I make it any more clear?

Get your camera out of my wife's face.

Come on, Barbara, come on.

There's a certain generation

who I think knows us more from the tabloids,

but you know, the preceding one knows us

for who we really are,

know what our message was really about.

Which was always.

You know.

So let's say it.

Say it.

- Family. - What is it?

- Family, I think. - Yeah, the family.

The focus on the family.

Family, yeah.

For us, the messaging was always very clear.

Family. - Is.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I mean, that's beautiful.

Family is and family was.

- Yeah. - And family always shall be.

For years we were touring

with our message about family.

And that takes a toll.

I was sort of told that you two were

gonna talk about the scandal.

Our kind of official line is

that we've talked about the scandal.

People saw us talk about it, and we wanna lay it to rest.

It's not in the hearts and minds of people anymore,

what they want. - Of the American people.

Yeah, and now, we're about health

and we're about staying fit on the road.

- Because of what happened on the road last time?

We'd love to refocus to soup.

Let's refocus to what we're here to do,

which is to sell soup.

- Focus on the soup. - We made very clear

with the producers.

- Okay. - We had a kettle,

travel kettle,

and at first I was doing my own little dry,

freeze dried soups with the kettle,

and then Bill said, these are so tasty, we should sell them,

and then next thing I knew.

We were in Sri Lanka,

teaching the kids how to make the soup.

Sure.

They're not, no,

they're 18.

- We made them in, they're produced in Arizona.

- Yeah, sorry. - So.

So the soup sort of,

you created in Sri Lanka, as you said,

and then produced in Arizona.

We have a factory outside Tucson.

Right.

I'm not, I can't argue that.

I can't pull up documents. - Who's arguing?

Who's arguing?

We don't, yeah.

- You volunteered the information about Sri Lanka

and sort of, I'm repeating that back to you.

Staying healthy on the road.

It's so funny because we always say it boils down to soup,

and I thought, well, soup you boil,

so there's something there.

- So it's sort of a chicken and an egg situation.

Absolutely.

- See, see by the way sweetie, now we're getting somewhere.

You know what I'm saying?

And you can see me softening.

All right, so don't, don't humiliate us

and I'll give you what you need and we'll get the shot.

- I wouldn't. - We're here to sell soup.

Let's take a look at the soup.

Can we fly in the soup?

I'd love to get a little bit more of our hands on this.

- Thank you so much. - Yes.

So this is the magic here.

Sweetie, sweetie.

- God damn release. - Bill.

God dammit.

Sweetie, release it on that slide.

Do you want maybe one of our producers

to take a look at helping?

- I've got it. - Okay.

Teach me how to do it then I'll open it.

Well, I taught you how to do it.

- Well, teach me how to do it and then I'll do it.

I think we should cut on this because-

There you go.

Well then reset it.

Now that's love.