Mother Hot Dog

Hi, I'm Rekha,

and I'm feeling extremely confident

that I'm gonna play a dramatic role today.

Today we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

They have no idea who or what they're about to become.

I'm a freaking turtle.

I know it.

Everything about this screams turtle.

Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

This is "Very Important People."

Each and everything you're putting on me

makes me believe less that I'm a turtle,

but I have to stick to my original idea.

Now,

this could be a turtle still.

Open.

Oh, disgusting.

So, I thought I was a turtle.

And it's pretty clear

that you guys went in a different direction with that.

So, everyone has to forget

all the turtle stuff I said earlier.

And this is who I am now.

Interesting about the feet being bread.

That's not something you see every day.

I was right.

This is a dramatic role for me 'cause I'm a vegetarian.

I'm really experiencing POV hotdog.

How scary it would be to be eaten.

People talk about how they don't know what hotdogs are

or like where they come from.

I think they come from me.

I put the hot in hotdog, bitch.

Roar.

We all have a story to tell.

And sometimes those stories

need to be shared with the world.

Good evening.

I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition of

"Very Important People."

Please introduce yourself.

I am the Mother Hotdog.

Thank you for being here.

We know how busy you are.

And you are a hero.

I don't consider it being a hero

to be bred for your dinner.

Like a pun.

I'm gonna kill myself.

I'm sorry.

Hey, how about this?

Why don't we,

I'm sorry I touched your bun.

Mother Hotdog, thank you for being here today.

We so appreciate.

We know you are a very busy

and important pillar of our community.

I'm here to tell my story.

- If you don't mind me saying, you seem a little depressed.

I guess anybody would be depressed

if little parts of their body got taken out of them

and given to people for dinner.

I know a lot of us know the story,

that you're sort of the origin of all hotdogs.

And I didn't realize,

Did you fart?

Did you pass wind?

We have to be cool.

I have to be cool.

- So, crazy that I'm, literally, the origin of all hotdogs

and you're gonna talk about me doing that fart.

It was just for sound.

I was wondering if we wanted to cut that part.

You wanna cut that part?

I don't necessarily want,

You want me

to cut the part? - I think it's very natural.

I think a lot of people pass wind.

Why are we still talking about it?

- Mother Hotdog. - It's like

you can't get over it.

Origin of all hotdogs.

Yes.

Dinner for so many people.

I'm working around the clock.

4th of July is my hell.

Santa is to Christmas,

you are to 4th of July.

Yeah, and guess what?

That jerk only works one day a year.

You have beef with Santa.

I'm gonna kill myself

in three seconds.

No, I'm sorry.

- Three. - No.

Hey, hey.

You know what? - Two.

And let's start over.

We're gonna take it back.

And I do apologize.

I thought maybe adding a little bit of levity

to the situation would help.

But I'm seeing that it's not a joke.

Thank you.

- It's something that I'm personally working on,

making sure that,

you know, we're taking serious things seriously.

And we're seeing and we're hearing and we're listening.

Okay.

And are you succeeding at all?

I think so.

As you can see, we have an on-set therapist here.

And so, if you need anything,

you can also ask him any questions about yourself.

- I am Catholic and I don't believe in therapy.

I will not be seeing you.

You're Catholic?

Yeah.

- Is that because they don't do meat on Fridays?

They don't?

- They're also really big on you can't kill yourself.

I have renounced Catholicism.

Any religion that prevents me

from doing what I want with my horrible life

is not the religion for me.

I'm seeing that we're stressed.

- Yeah. - We got a lot on our plate.

Three.

- No, and I'm sorry. - Two.

Woo-woo-woo.

Rewind.

I wanna know about you.

I wanna know about where you come from.

I am from a slaughterhouse

in Atlanta, Georgia.

Do you remember being a pig and or cow?

Or is that sort of like an amalgamation?

I am a hotdog.

A hotdog.

I always hear the joke.

People go, what's a hotdog made of?

Hotdogs made of all the crap that's left over.

Sure.

Newsflash.

Put that underneath.

Breaking news.

- Oh, we don't really have a VFX budget this season.

Breaking news.

Hotdogs are their own thing.

It is not made of other things.

Well, hotdogs are made of you.

Exactly.

Can I ask a personal question?

If you kill yourself, what happens?

Are you in?

What do you mean am I in?

You gonna help?

No, I'm not gonna help.

I'm just curious.

You know, Santa, when he dies,

Tim Allen takes over.

And so I'm sort of wondering

what happens in your situation.

When I die,

nobody picks up the mantle.

4th of July you're starving.

A hamburger.

Flat hotdog?

No thanks.

Okay.

They're disgusting.

Don't eat them.

Breaking news. - There's no breaking news

and there's no sound effects there.

Actually. - More at 10.

Hamburgers are their own thing.

We're on exclusively

at 3:30AM. - And they're disgusting!

After you've watched "Game Changer".

Slaughterhouse.

Yes.

You, sort of, game consciousness.

I woke up, I said,

And there was no doctor to slap me.

You probably got slapped.

You think I got slapped as a baby?

Yeah.

- I don't remember sort of gaining consciousness.

My first memory is when I was four years old

and my twin sister and I went to Delia's.

Do you know Delia's?

- I mean, maybe if the clerk has a blood sugar problem

and they're eating one of my kids during their lunch.

Okay, so hotdogs that come off of you,

you refer to as children.

I'm the Mother Hotdog,