Seinfeld

Of all the places you go...

...the dry cleaning relationship's the oddest.

You give each other the same thing...

...back and forth over and over again.

He gives it to you, you give it to him, he gives it back to you.

lt's like it's half his shirt, in a way.

He has it as much as you do.

You ought to shop with him. ''What do you think of this shirt?''

''That would look good with a light starch.''

The only warning label people respect is ''dry-clean only.''

Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings...

...your life is at stake. People go, ''Ah, the hell with it.''

But dry-clean only? '' Don't put that in the wash.

lt's dry-clean only. Are you crazy?''

-Good morning. -Good morning.

-How did you sleep? -You're on the couch tonight.

-You were all over my side. -l was not.

l was sleeping with one cheek off the bed.

By the way, you're falling way behind on the '' l love you's.''

-No, no, 1 2-8. -No, it's 1 5-8.

l can't beat you. l'm trying to stay competitive.

-Let's get some breakfast. -Let me get a coat.

l think l'll try a sports jacket and scarf thing.

You know, like an unemployed actor.

l haven't worn this one in a long time.

-Cashmere? -No, Gore-Tex.

lt's new.

Look at this locket. What the hell's this?

There's a picture in here. Look.

This is really old. You don't know whose it is?

l haven't worn this jacket since l had it dry-cleaned.

-We should ask. -We'll stop over there.

-What do you wanna get for breakfast? -Pancakes.

You know l'm getting pancakes.

-l don't know that. -We can't both get pancakes.

lt's embarrassing. That's one step from the couples that dress alike.

-l'll get the short stack. -That's why l love you.

1 5-9.

-How you doing? -We just got back from breakfast.

-Pancakes were dynamite. -ls that my maple syrup?

Yeah.

-You bring your own syrup? -Got to.

You got a lot to learn about pancakes.

This is my wife. She died eight years ago.

l've been looking all over for this.

lt's lucky that l put the jacket on. How did it get in the pocket?

The chain is broken. lt must have slipped in when l was....

l turned my house upside down looking for this.

-lt's all l have left of her. -That's so touching.

You know what l'm gonna do?

l'm gonna give you and your family 25 percent off your dry cleaning.

-Oh, come on. lt's silly. -Forget it.

-Get out of here. -lt's done.

All right.

l guess l get it too, because l'm his wife.

l didn't know you were married.

Oh, yeah.

You never met my wife, Meryl. Meryl Seinfeld.

Yeah, sure. You get the discount too.

You may regret that. The money my wife...

-...spends on clothes-- -l'm taking him to the cleaners.

See her sense of humour?

l'm so nuts about you. l tell you, it was fun being single.

But when you meet a woman like this, you don't walk to get married. You run.

Oh. Hi, Greg.

-Haven't seen you in a while. -Yeah.

Today was the first day l've worked out since the Central Park mini-marathon.

-You ran the mini-marathon? -No, but l exercised that day.

l gotta take off.

As an airline pilot, you're one of the few people who can...

...say that and mean it.

-Do you have the time? -Eleven-thirty.

-Eleven-thirty? -Wait, wait, 1 0:30. Sorry.

-You have to be somewhere? -No.

-What are you doing? -Waiting for my friend George.

We worked out together.

-lt's good seeing you. -Nice to see you too.

Bye.

Would you...?

-Can l--? -Pardon?

The syrup. Would you pass the syrup?

Oh, you want to try the syrup.

Can l get you anything else?

Yeah. My wife and l will have a little more coffee.

-Okay. -And the check for my husband.

To my beautiful wife.

To my adoring husband.

-Adoring? What about handsome? -l like adoring.

Yeah, sure. Adoring's good for you. What's it do for me?

Excuse me.

Where did you get that?

l-- Well--

We don't allow any outside syrups...

...jams, or condiments in the restaurant.

And if l catch you in here with that again...

...l will confiscate it.

Well, l told my wife not to bring it.

Really? Twenty-five percent off?

-Do l get that too? -No. Just Meryl.

-Why does she get it? -Because she's my wife.

Yeah?

l tell you, l'm really enjoying this marriage thing.

You think about each other. You care about each other.

lt's wonderful. l love saying '' My wife.''

Once l started saying it, l can't stop.

'' My wife'' this, ''my wife'' that.

lt's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

'' My wife has an inner ear infection.''

-See? -l like that.

Will you do me a favour? Will you take my quilt to the cleaners...

...so l can get the discount too?

We're doing this now? l can't be taking...

-...all your dry cleaning in. -Just this one time. lt's expensive.

Hey, Elaine.

What do you say, if neither of us is married in 1 0 years...

-...we get hitched? -Let's make it 50.

We're engaged. All right, l'm gonna get my quilt.

All right. Listen to this.

Remember that guy at the health club?

The flyboy. Where's George?

-l thought he was with you. -He didn't show up.

Anyway, this guy gave me...

...an open-lip kiss.

-So? -So?

We've always just kind of pecked.

This one had a different dynamic.

-Really? -Yeah. l mean....

His upper lip landed flush on my upper lip...

...but his lower lip landed well below my rim.

-Moisture? -Yeah. Definite moisture.

-That's an open-lip kiss, all right. -Yeah.

l think he's giving me a big signal.

Maybe he wants to change our relationship.

Yeah.

-It's George. -Hey, what happened to you?

Nothing. A little problem.

What was it? l mean, l was waiting.

Can I come upstairs, please?

Maybe he wants to ask me out.

Why are you interested? He's a jerk.

Because he doesn't pay any attention to me, and he ignores me.

-Yeah, so? -l respect that.

What happened?

Nothing, l said it was a little problem.

Yeah, what was it?

l was in the locker room showering, and l...

-...l had to go, so-- -Here we go.

Anyway, l think the guy in the shower opposite saw me.

He even gave me a dirty look.

You went...

...in the shower?

Yeah, so what?

l'm not the only one.

-Do you go in the shower? -Never.

-Do you? -l take baths.

What was l supposed to do?

Get out of the shower, put on my robe...

...go to the other end, come all the way back?

Did you ever hear of holding it in?

Oh, no. That's very bad for the kidneys.

-How do you know? -Medical journals.

Do medical journals mention anything...

...about standing in a pool of someone else's urine?

Hello.

-Oh, hi, honey. -What are you doing here?

l just thought l'd drop off a few things.

l must have been in the incinerator room when you left.

Here you go, Marty.

Another quilt?

-Jerry. -Uncle Leo.

-Hello. -Hello.

lf you or your wife want to drop by on Wednesday--

Your wife?

Yeah.

My wife.

What are you talking about?

l got married.

You got married?

l wasn't invited?

Nobody sends me an invitation?

Well, it was sudden.

Are you ashamed of your uncle? Do l embarrass you?

No, no. lt was a small ceremony.

Haven't l always been the good uncle?

Yes, yes, you have.

Who told you when you went to school that you print well?

You did.

When he was younger, he had a beautiful penmanship.

l used to encourage him to print.

-l'm a good printer. -l remember your ''V.''

lt was like a perfect triangle.

-Oh, there's my bus. -There you go.

-Hello! Wait! -Uncle Leo. Uncle--

l'm glad you're here. This can get really boring.

You know where l can get some good olives?

-l can find out. -Would you?

Sure.

Oh, a project. That's a definite signal.

By the way, you look really great in that leotard.

Thanks.