Vampires vs. the Bronx

-Have a good night. -Thanks.

Oh, come in.

Thank you so much for squeezing me in.

Oh, sure.

I'm so happy I found this spot.

-I just moved here. -To New York?

No, to the Bronx. I got priced out of my old neighborhood.

Oh, I hear you. Same thing's been happening here.

You know, they offered me a stupid amount of money for my salon.

- Agh. -Yeah, so I took it.

- -

Hey! Wow, that's great.

In fact, this is Becky's last mani ever.

This cuticle pusher's about to go out of business… now.

This is the best manicure I've ever had. Don't sell.

Good evening. Frank Polidori.

It's too late now.

We're finishing up all the paperwork tonight.

Come on, Frank. Let's go. Come on.

Now, right there.

Okay. And… great.

Now you got the money for you and your husband,

-if you wanna-- -Aagh.

I'm not married, Frank. I don't have a boyfriend either.

-I don't need no man to know my worth. -Course not.

So, it's just you, then.

Yeah, it's just me.

Well, Becky, let's get you on your way to the suburbs.

Yes!

You can come too if you want sometimes. You can come visit.

Course I will.

- That's it? - Mm-hm.

Yeah, I'm leaving for the suburbs!

- -

Shoot it! Shoot it!

Hey, Lil Mayor!

Yo, Lil Mayor, what's up?

-Yo, what's up Carl? Nice to see you. -What's poppin', kid?

- Coming to the block party? -You know it!

-What's up, Perez? -

-What's up, papi? -

You know what's up!

What's poppin', y'all? It's your girl Gloria, live,

on this beautiful 95-degree day,

but trust me, this ain't sweat. This is glow. Get it.

-Miguel! -

Summer's almost done, so make sure to step outside

and catch that tan while you can, you heard?

Oh, and if you see a kid that's riding a bike two sizes too big for him,

that's just Lil Mayor trying to save the neighborhood all by himself.

Oh, and speaking of saving the neighborhood,

what's up with all these missing person flyers?

I thought this new construction was supposed to make it safer.

Something to think about, y'all.

Bobby!

Lil Cool, where you been, man?

Hanging posters. I'll be right out.

What do you think, Tony?

-Looks good, bro. You a good artist. -Thanks.

Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

-but to be real… -No, don't say that. This is gonna work.

-All right, Lil Mayor. Mm-hm. -You'll see.

Man…

you ever wanna get rid of that Sammy Sosa bat,

you let me know.

Bro, would you ask King Arthur for his sword?

Let it go? That junk's going on eBay after they shut me down.

Can you put this on my tab?

And this on your tab.

- -Yeah, I already know.

-Don't worry. I'll pay you back. -Course. Go ahead.

-What you doing, Miguel? Come outside. - Bobby, what's good, bro?

-Tony. What's up? -Getting into trouble?

-Nah. -

-Outta here. -Bye.

-Later, bro. -

- -We gotta go, Bobby.

Luis is waiting, and I got a bunch more posters to put up.

-Hi, Rita. -What's up, Lil Mayor?

-Oh, yeah. -

Kid trying to get his play on. I bet you a beer he strike out. Watch this.

Miguel, I was telling these ladies

about that block party we putting together Friday night.

We?

Yeah, your boy said he was gonna hook us up

with some VIP passes.

VIP? What VIP?

Rita, let's go. I'm done with these kids.

Yo, Lil Mayor, I wanna keep my beers!

Hey, hold up!

Um, I'll see about the VIP. Just…

contribute something to the bodega fund. it's important for the community.

Y'all love that place.

Yeah, we basically grew up there.

So, um…

see you there?

Miguel!

Don't get home late.

Is that your mom?

Nah.

Why are you ignoring me?

It seems like she knows you.

No, that's just some random lady.

I'm working late tonight. Are you sure you don't want me to call a babysitter?

- -Yo.

And strike three!

Kid, you're out.

Run that beer, baby. Run that beer.

Yo, we gotta get those girls to show up to the party.

Bruh, they, like, 16. They were not feeling us.

They'd be feelin' us if we had some cash, man.

-We wouldn't look so broke. -Yo, what the hell is this?

- Another one. -They got Becky's too.

Yo, I bet she got hella paid, man.

Everybody's cashing out.

It's all about getting that macchiato and gelato money.

Uh-huh.

These Murnau guys are chewing up our neighborhood.

What was that?

-You see anything? -Nothing.

- Yo, move over, man. -Chill.

Are you for real right now?

-It's just dark. - Can you let me see?

- Yeah! -Damn, girl. What the hell?

What's wrong with you? You almost gave us a heart attack.

-That's how people get shot in the hood. -You ain't shooting nobody, Lil Mayor.

-Bobby, on the other hand… -Shut up, Gloria.

-Know what happened to Becky's? -She dipped. Duh.

Got that good money and got outta here,

and now we getting yummy nine-dollar cappuccinos.

Like…

-You live now? -Twenty-nine hundred followers,

-what's poppin', GloTV? -Hey! Block party, Friday night.

-Admission's ten-- -Get outta here, nerd.

Yo, Drake's gonna be there.

-Know what I'm saying? -Drake?

Yeah. Drake's gonna be there with you Friday night!

Don't listen to those fools.

Drake ain't coming nowhere near that block party. Cardi neither.

It's your girl Gloria signing off. Get it.

Yo!

Finally. I've been waiting an hour.

Relax, Tampa.

No, don't start with that. You know I didn't wanna leave.

Don't see the kid six months, that's how he says hi. Bam!

Well, well, well.

Hey, Father Jackson. How you doing?

Luis.

Keeping good company, I see.

"Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men."

-So dramatic. -Miguel--

Okay, Bobby got into a minor,

minor altercation in biology, and…

-Father Jackson kicked him out of school. -You got kicked out?

-Damon started it. -You're only telling me now?

We didn't want you to worry.

Listen, you worry too much. I mean, look at yourself.

You're eating your hand off.

This is it. It's finally happened.

I'm out of the crew.

Everything's different now. Miguel's a politician.

Bobby's voice changed all of a sudden.

He sounds like Denzel now.

I bet you even got leg hairs.

Yup.

Who is that?

What up, fellas?

Bobby, I ain't heard from you. We doing this, or what?

Nah. I'm good for now.

All right. You change your mind, you let me know.

Hey, hey, hey, yo.

Those are nice, son. What size are they?

Uh… nine.

That's a little tight, but I think we can make it work.

-Actually, maybe an eight and a half. -Come on.

-Just leave him alone. -No one's talking to you.

I'm talking to Puerto Rican Harry Potter here.

Let him be, Slim. All right, boys. I'll be seeing you.

Ah, this kinda stress makes my blood sugar go nuts.

-What was that all about? -Luis, you really making us look soft.

Bobby?

Henny asked me to do something. I said no. That's it.