Boris Tarshkokan

- Hello, I'm Jeremy, and I hope they make me pretty.

Ah, here we go!

Today, we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

Make me hot, please, make me hot.

They have no idea

who or what they're about to become.

Hell, yeah.

- Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot,

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

- That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

This is Very Important People.

Okay.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Oh my fucking God!

Oh, I'm hideous, oh my!

I do not look hot! (laughs)

Holy shit. (laughs)

These eyebrows.

You want to go to prom? (laughs)

Oh, yeah, this guy's a fucking creep, for sure, mm.

I'm going to the bathhouses later. (laughs)

Yeah, look at this.

Ah, I don't like up close. (gasps and laughs)

This is demonic.

I vant to suck your blood, oh.

My hat.

Is this your card?

Uh-huh, welcome to my circus for fucking freaks.

Oh, maybe I'm a bad boy, ah.

- This is a beautiful place to pick out your coffin.

God, absolutely hideous.

You did not make me pretty. (laughs)

- Okay, you know what, let's try something else.

Let's try to tear some of these walls down.

I'm gonna count down from three.

Three, two, one.

And then I just want you to yell out

the first word that pops into your head, okay?

What if it's more than one word?

- You can use more than one word if you want.

- Okay. - Okay, three, two, one.

- You can use more than one word if you want.

Let's tear down some walls.

I'm gonna count down from three,

and you're gonna shout out the first word.

Can I use multiple words?

Yeah, you can use multiple words.

- I think that's our time. - What do you mean?

So we can pick this- - You said-

- Up tomorrow. - Say the first thing that was

in my head, that was the first thing that was in my head.

Well, you know, we're outta time,

and I do have other patients, okay?

Who?

So I'm just gonna go.

- What are their names? - I'm not gonna

tell you their names. - Where do they live?

I'm not gonna tell you their names.

All right, yeah, no, love you.

- (clears throat) We all have a story to tell,

and sometimes those stories need to be shared

with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis, back with another edition

of "Very Important-"

Okay.

Everybody, remain calm, deep breath,

and focus on making sure

that we got those lighting cues tightened up.

Okay, oh, hi. (laughs)

Hello, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were on set yet.

Please take a seat, and please, oh, and to you also.

Oh, and so, well, that's kind of fun.

And now we are engaged for love.

What? What do you mean?

You did the love dance.

- Oh, well, then I, and then, so, wa-wa. (laughs)

Wa-wa. (laughs)

Oh.

- Okay, so why don't we take a seat here?

Are you here for a minute, okay?

- Thank you. - So I don't know how that's-

- Sorry. - how we're doing that.

Please, introduce yourself.

- Hello, I'm Boris Tarshkokan, I'm from Lafufu.

- The United States and Lafufu have recently entered

into a friendship treaty,

and you are an ambassador here to sort

of consecrate that friendship.

Yes, consecrate that friendship.

Why are you saying it like that?

- Lightning? - No, no.

Well, I could do that also.

So, ready?

Lightning.

Lightning.

Sorry, say it one more time.

Lightning.

So it's an accent thing, I think.

Lightning. - What accent?

I do not have one.

- Well, I guess it's sort of a frame of mind, right?

No, I have American accent.

Oh, you think you have an American-

I am John Wayne.

Ah, ah, I gotta shoot a gun.

What about that accent feels different

than what you were doing previously?

- I have trained my voice to sound immediately American.

You want to hear my American accent one more time?

I would love to.

I am Iron Man.

Oh, whoa, Tony Stark cannot do that.

I'm sorry, you're Iron Man,

saying Tony Stark we can't- (laughs)

I don't know if in Lafufu, there's a different comic

in the United States, Iron Man

and Tony Stark are the same person.

What?

No, in Lafufu, Iron Man

and Tony Stark are diff- it's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

- Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are also the same person.

No, it's different.

- They're the same person, it's during the day-

- I don't know. - Okay.

Well, you know, we'll say, we'll say potato...

Mr. Stark, you cannot do that.

I am Iron Man.

The Board of Tourism sent you.

Why do you think they sent you specifically?

It's because I am bachelor.

They want to send the best face they have

in all the country.

- It's like in most countries, how there's beauty pageants,

and then those people become representatives

for the country like a, you know, Miss USA,

Miss Philippines, Miss Italy,

and it's sort of a similar situation here.

Yes, I would say similar situation

with a little twist.

They want me to find love and bring them home to Lafufu.

So you're looking for a partner?

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm not dating right now, so I'm sort of,

I'm sort of playing it casual.

- Oh, you are not dating. - I recently got divorced

and so I'm sort of- - You don't even want

to give it a try?

With who?

Lightning.

That, okay, so-

- Now watch this. - Who are you pointing at?

Sexy lightning.

Okay.

- It's a little longer. - And what's the difference

do you think?

Nothing is sexier than a long lightning.

- I would say long doesn't necessarily mean better.

No, no. Cut that part. No.

Okay, well, you're looking for love, you're looking to date,

even though I am not looking to date.

So it definitely won't be me, and I'm not interested.

I can't- - You're not interesting

in dating? - Well, I'll be interested-

in date- - Next!

- What? - Next!

I have had so much fun on this date.

You don't get your $17 though, sorry. - No.

No, so that's not how this works.

I think you're referencing the television program "Next"

from the mid-2000s right now.

- Yes, I've seen all the- - You can't call next.

- Episodes. - If anything, I would call next,

and then a new guest would come in.

No, I don't like this. Next!

No, you can't call next.

- Well, I am not going to be happy to see your room.

- What? - You've probably got

a messy room, and I'm gonna be like,

"I cannot date this person.

Their boxers are everywhere." - Huh?

That is the Show "Room Raiders" that I thought-

That's a different show, completely.

Different, I've seen them all.

- Say you're on the television show "Next,"

and they sort of have three facts about themselves.

What are your three facts?

Fact one, I am a singer.

Well, let's hear a little bit.

You can't sing that.

You can't sing that here. - Huh?

You can't sing that. - Really?

I dunno if copyright works different in Lafufu.

- My hat. - That's okay, I got it.

And sort of- - No, no, no, please.