Cougar Town

Dad, I feel like we need to talk about what happened.

It was awful.

Grayson and I reached for the creamer at the same time and

for just a moment we were holding hands.

I'm talking about you stealing Bobby's boat

and thinking that he and I were still married.

Who's Bobby?

Gotcha!

Oh, come on, June-Bug.

Everybody forgets stuff once in a while, right?

Dad, forgetting who your daughter is married to

is not a small detail.

So... that's it, then.

Time to walk me out in back of the barn and shoot me.

I understand.

Come on, dad. I'm serious.

I don't like you living at that huge ranch by yourself.

I wish you lived in the neighborhood,

somewhere close, that I could come visit you every day.

Well, I suppose it would be nice not to have to keep up

with all the work out on the ranch.

And if I was closer, I could come by whenever I want,

drink your beer and play slap-a-dope.

What's "slap-a-dope"?

Ohh!

You still got it.

I can't believe the dope fell for it.

- Job well done. - Oh, good.

All right, June-Bug. Let's do it.

Start looking for a place for me in the neighborhood.

Aww, dad! Thank you!

Oh, that makes me so happy.

Oh, I wish I knew a real-estate agent.

- But I thought you-- - Gotcha!

Oh, it's only funny when he does it?

_

I can't believe Trav's college graduation

is this weekend.

If you could've seen

that drunken, hair-sprayed beach trash

and the dip-spitting mullet head who conceived that kid,

you would never have expected this.

Which one were you?

- I don't remember. -

Okay, are we all set for the ceremony?

Yes, I've got the tissues, the camera,

and I'm gonna be walking with giant crutches

that are actually hollowed-out wine flasks.

That way, we get priority seating

and a nice afternoon buzz.

Laurie, I don't think I've ever said this and meant it, but...

what-what!

This is gonna be so much fun!

What's gonna be fun?

Oh, Trav's graduation ceremony.

What's the story? What do I have to do?

Nothing. We're good.

Yeah.

So, I guess I'll just be at the, uh, bar...

if you need me.

See ya.

Hey, will you look over these sketches for Trav's cake?

Oh, what is this one?

Is this you kissing Trav's rolled-up diploma?

No, that's-- that's a weird doodle.

I-I don't know how that got in there.

So, Trav, graduation ceremony is this weekend.

- Pretty exciting. - Yep.

What I'm really excited for

is seeing what gift my dad gives me.

Well, it's gonna be hard to beat the past gifts.

For your preschool graduation,

he built the Sewer Lair from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

in our actual sewer.

We played Ninja Turtles for three hours

and got sick for five months.

Totally worth it.

And then, for elementary school,

you took me to my first pro-wrestling match.

We saw Captain Carnage win the title.

The world champion of Western Central Florida, baby.

That's a big area!

That match is still one of my favorite childhood memories.

And for your high school graduation,

he got a 70-foot inflatable gorilla with your face on it.

How do you top that?

Just you wait, Bubbaroo.

This will be the most epic gift ever.

Well, I got to get back to work.

But I can't wait to have my mind blown.

Oh, it's gonna be blown to pieces, baby!

And those pieces into smaller pieces! Whoo!

You don't have anything, do you?

I mean, how do you top a 70-foot inflatable gorilla?

You can't. I'm screwed.

I finally convince my dad to move closer,

and I can't find a single house that's gonna work for him.

Some of these retirement communities are okay,

but I don't know.

Well, that one looks nice, and look all the activities--

spinning, water aerobics, nautilus.

I would be in such killer shape if I lived there.

I just don't know if this feels right for my dad.

I mean, I don't know-- he's always been so independent,

and I don't want to take that away from him.

Yeah, look, it'll work out.

You know, maybe a great new house

will come on the market or something.

Or maybe there's even a conversation to be had

about your dad coming to live with us.

Retirement communities, huh?

I had my first "encounter" at one of those.

I was in med school, volunteering,

and Martha was having her retirement party.

Took me by the hand,

led me out to the shuffleboard court.

Let's just run.

Hey, Ellie. What are you doing here?

Um, I'm just seeing if Jules wanted to grab some lunch.

Are those the, uh,

graduation designs for Trav's cake?

Yeah.

I wanted to do a giant cake of his face,

but I couldn't figure out how to get his dimpled chin right.

Wait a minute!

I've done baby-shower cakes before.

I can use my baby butt mold!

It is amazing to watch a true artist at work.

You're like Michelangelo.

Mnh. I think you mean Mikey Angelo,

the guy from Pizza Palace.

But that guy is a hack.

Yeah, goat cheese on pizza?

It's not 1985,

and your name's not Wolfgang Puck.

So, uh, you and Jules seem pretty busy

with this graduation stuff.

Yeah, it's been pretty crazy, but a lot of fun.

She and I are--

Wait a minute.

You feel left out.

Trav's graduation is such a big deal for Jules,

but you're on the sidelines.

Have I passed you as Jules' best friend?

Oh, please.

Jules and I have been best friends

for a million years.

She cut Stan's umbilical cord when Andy passed out.

And when she and I kiss, we kiss on the lips.

Oh. Mm. Okay.

Laurie, we forgot to schedule our manis and pedis.

We'll never get an appointment this late.

Well, it's a good thing I thought ahead and booked us

a spa day!

Laurie, you're the best! I love you!

- Mmm. - Mmm.

Oh!

Hey, Ellie.

Hi.

Chick. It's good to see you...

with suitcases, moving boxes,

and a... grocery bag full of hard candies?

Jules: Surprise!

We did it!

I told dad what you said about him moving in,

and he said yes!

What?

To show my gratitude,

I will allow you to hug me.

Aww, he's just shy! Get in there, honey!

Oh, yeah, there you go!

Come on, you dumb son of a bitch.

The show's been on for 30 years.

Answer in the form of a question!

How amazing is this?

It's perfect!

Yeah, I don't know about perfect, but...

Of course it is!

And it was all your idea.

June-Bug!

Yeah?

Where should I hang Molly?

Did you know some older men's noses whistle constantly?

Around the clock, never stop. Why is that?

I think it's just normal wear and tear, like brakes on a car.

And I don't need to know

when a guy's headed to the bathroom, okay?

Be discreet.

Don't make a big show

of putting a newspaper under your arm

and saying "Anchors away."

Hey, everybody.

Look who it is-- second place.

The silver medal.

Jules' best friend, part 2, Electric Boogaloo.

You found the one way to surpass me--

by cozying up to Trav

and banging your way up the friend ladder.

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

- I should have banged you years ago! - Say what?