Brad Neely's Harg Nallin Sclopio Peepio

This summer -- "Jabber Honkey."

An HBO miniseries event.

This is my self-portrait.

See, I'm really big and I'm up above the city.

And I got all this money.

And all the people are scared and love me.

And all the women are up there on me.

And the sky got flames,

and my teeth are gold like a villain.

And my chain is crystal.

I think I got a pretty good likeness

across of how my face is.

Thank you.

Papa?

I'm in love with a ground boy.

Get thee down from me!

Nerf Dad!

Wrestle with it! Swim with it!

Play football with it!

Nerf Dad can beat up the other dads.

He can do your homework with you,

tuck you in at night, teach you how to shave,

how to deal with shame.

He'll be there when you build your tree house.

If mom forgets to pick you up from school,

he'll be there to walk you home.

He's Nerf Dad!

I'm getting brunch!

We're getting benedicts.

Do you like it?

I just kind of want to go home now.

Oh, my God, there she is!

So, my mom asked me...

"So who's your favorite comedian?"

And I said, "God."

And she said...

Honey, don't.

Don't heckle God, I'm trying to win a sweepstakes.

Oh, here we go.

At the bus stop, what do you think?

Mmm, I don't know.

Hard to say.

I bet...

Three fingers.

Solid, solid.

Okay. What about that one?

Mmm, hell yeah.

I know what you'd want to get up him.

88 pencils!

I knew you would say that.

Do you know who he looks like?

Howard.

Oh, remember when we went fishing?

Ohh. We put every fish we caught up Howard.

Ohh. There's a tighty-whitey.

Nope, he's a loose goose.

You have to look at the way he walks,

his attitude, the way he dresses, et cetera.

And look at the bites he's taking.

I bet I could wine-bottle that hunk!

Yeah. You're right.

Look at that stride.

Like the Colossus of Rhodes.

Like a swing set with a hole in it.

Girls, what are you doing?

I told you if you're gonna work at my Kinkos,

I get to pick the guys

and you tell me what goes up their asses, okay?

Yeah, there are rules here.