The Office

Hey. Hey.

Oh, what's this?

That is a demerit.

"Jim Halpert. Tardiness."

Oh. I love it, already.

You've got to learn, Jim. You are a second in command,

but that does not put you above the law.

Oh, I understand.

And I also have lots of questions.

Like, what does a demerit mean?

Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.

Lay it on me.

Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.

Now, that sounds serious.

Oh, it is serious.

Five citations, and you're looking at a violation.

Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning.

Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning.

Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt,

in the form of a disciplinary review,

written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.

Which would be me.

That is correct.

Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day

or you will receive a full desaggelation.

What's a... What's that?

Oh, you don't want to know.

Hey, Phyllis. Are you all right?

I think I just got flashed.

What? Really?

In the parking lot.

Oh, my God.

Move!

Okay, I'll call the real police.

What happened? What can I do to help?

Okay.

I'll check the web.

Thank you.

The police are on it.

They say they've already had three calls.

Can you tell us what happened?

I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions.

And he was holding a map.

And when I walked over, he had it out on the map.

Phyllis. You're a married woman.

The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?

If that's flashing, then lock me up.

It's just, like, so creepy. Yeah.

What's happening?

Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.

Really? Is she okay?

Yeah. Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.

Okay.

Phyllis, you say?

What is so funny?

I mean, did he even see Pam?

Or, Karen from behind?

I'm guessing not.

I'm sorry.

It's pretty funny when you think about it.

Not really. No.

It's disgusting and demeaning.

Oh, okay.

Masters of comedy, a guy dropped his pants.

Have you ever been to the circus?

Okay.

He's back!

Okay.

Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the...

What?

What's going on?

Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's...

I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response.

Oh, come on.

We're laughing at Phyllis but she's not even here.

So, no harm, no foul.

I don't think the women in this office...

Incidentally, where were you during all of this?

Maybe you're the flasher.

I was at a parent-teacher conference.

Prove it. Let's see your penis.

I... You know...

As that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

In all the excitement,

I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe.

Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe.

For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far.

Foliage.

And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop.

Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.

Michael, come over after work tonight, okay?

I miss your body.

I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot.

I'm spending a fortune on gas and tools.

Okay. I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.

That... I don't know.

That makes me kind of uncomfortable.

$300?

Well... I don't know.

Look, whatever.

Just let my assistant know if you're coming over

so he can get more vodka. Okay?

Hunter, are you on? You got it, Jan.

The employees of this office are very small and delicate.

Deserve protection from local pervs.

Better a thousand innocent men are locked up

than one guilty man roam free.

I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid.

And that can't happen. Not in my house.

Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on.

There are several penises there

I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over.

You know, see if we can catch this pervert.

This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight.

Look at that one.

Dwight, are those your pants?

That's a Polaroid.

Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say.

Due to a recent incident involving

Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis,

I think you know what I'm referring to,

Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.

Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?

Answer. No, because this is being given priority one.

This is a petition for the business park

to upgrade their security cameras

as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot.

And I know what you're thinking.

Won't that just shed more light on the penises?

But that is a risk we have to take.

Pam. You can draw, kind of.

Why don't you work with Phallus

on drawing a picture of the exposer

that I can post around the community?

Phallus?

Phyllis. Sorry.

I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody.

I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing.

I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy.

Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year.

Especially if it had been Jim.

He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's...

I'm... I am saying a lot of things.

I didn't really get a good look.

That's okay.

I don't feel like answering phones.

Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out?

"Women will be sent home if they wear makeup

"or heels exceeding one-quarter inch.

"Females are not allowed to speak to strangers

"unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute."

This is ridiculous.

Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.

Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Sleeves down to the wrists"?

"Button-up collars and muted colors."

Nobody dresses like that.

Okay. You know something, Dwight?

We are not the terrorists.

Why don't you just take these women, put them in a burlap sack,

and hit them with a stick?

Because that's what you're doing.

I celebrate these women.

They deserve the right to dress as they please.

If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to.

I encourage that.

Look, it's really simple.

We just want you guys to treat us with respect.

See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight?

Yes. Did you hear that, Michael?

No, Dwight. Respect.

R-E-S-P-C-T. Find out what it means to me.

All right. You know what? That's it.

Conference room. Five minutes. Women's appreciation.

Wait a second. How are you qualified for that?

Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman?

Have I slept with a woman? More than one?

Less than three.

That is not current.

You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting?

He's a homosexual.

Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.

Those are collectible action figures.

And they're worth more than your car.

You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it.

I know the crap out of women.

I would like to apologize

for all the men who thought this was a laughing matter.

Are we still discussing this?

I say again, what is the big deal?

Nobody likes to be flashed.

When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party,

I nearly vomited.

I don't remember doing that.

What a surprise.

Okay. No catfights. Please? Let's...

My point is...

My point is...

A penis, when seen in the right context,